# Attention customers, we will no longer be taking any ass change. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 29, 2001, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314 "2001-01-29T22:34:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/21 "2001-01-30T20:55:09Z")
> [@](#): > > I checked my wallet, and said, ‘damn all I have is a 20’. He said ‘No problem, I’ve got change!’, opened his robe, reached into his little Speedos, and pulled out a fist full of ones! I cringed, but accepted the change and got the hell out of the kitchen! Damn, how come this never happens to me? Heck, I’d have volunteered to reach in and get the ones myself! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/22 "2001-01-30T22:16:06Z")
Having worked as a bank teller for 4 years, I’ve certainly seen my fair share of Pennies from “Heaven.” But money isn’t the only thing that can be fecally enhanced. There was one guy that routinely came in, picked his nose, cleaned his ears, scratched his balls (yes, sticking his hand down his pants), scratched his ass (yep), then handed over a wad of checks to deposit. And natually, the checks were far from springtime fresh. Then there was Mr. Reardon. A sweet old man with a – how shall I put this – minor bladder control problem. Every time he would come into the bank, we would make a nice new passbook for him, and throw out the soaking wet urine stained passbook. ---
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/23 "2001-01-30T22:44:55Z")
I used to work at a Science Museum and we had school groups in all day. You wouldn’t believe some of those nasty little critters. They used to put thir money in their shoes so you’d end up with dollar bills soaked with foot sweat. Ugh! One kid had all his pennies in a pickle jar, but I don’t think he washed it very well because they all reeked of pickle juice. Every time the register opened, I almost threw up from the smell. Some also kept it in the rim of their baseball hats, so in the summer the dollars were soaked with head sweat. It really was disgusting. I never had anyone produce cash from their butt before though . . . ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/24 "2001-01-31T01:49:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Alphagene \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > > \*\*I read where something like 90% of all US dollar bills showed trace quantities of cocaine… \*\* > > [97%](http://www.urbanlegends.com/drugs/cocaine.money/cocaine_tainted_money_aba.html) in one study \*\* Were these studies done by the same Germans who keep finding cocaine and nicotine in ancient Egyptian mummies? ---
**Author:** ![AquaPura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AquaPura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AquaPura)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/25 "2001-02-01T01:16:52Z")
So here I am thinking ass change is the worst I am going to handle… I am working third shift. My store is open 24 hours. There is a local highschool having some kind of winter dance this Saturday. Winterballs or some such drivel. I get a couple of kids (17 or 18) out on the town who decide to come to my line. The cute couple was all dudded up. The girl was wearing a lovely dress that if it were any shorter it would be a lampshade… and the gentleman was wearing a lovley sweatstained suit with his tie wrapped around his head. They were both drunk, and whilst the boy tried to muster up the few brain cells he had left to pay, (out of his wallet thank god), the girl turns a whiter shade of pale and promptly vomits onto my registers belt. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccce. OH!.. and in case you were wondering what they were purchasing…Condoms…Lube…and a case of Mountain Dew. And no I haven’t seen a Kids in the Hall sketch about ass change. If you doubt me, perhaps this will change your mind. When classes are in session (now) I work at Wal~Mart. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/26 "2001-02-01T02:27:19Z")
Oh god-reminds me of the time I was in church, and the guy two pews ahead of me started reaching down the back of his pants and scratching his ass! In CHURCH for crying out loud! Good god almighty, I’m sooo glad I wasn’t right behind him-I would’ve refused to shake his hand during the Sign of Peace! EEEW!!! If ever someone needed to be struck down by a lightening bolt, it was this guy! I mean, in CHURCH! How inappropriate is THAT? ---
**Author:** ![Pismonque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/46a35a/32.png) [@Pismonque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pismonque)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/27 "2001-02-01T05:40:03Z")
This is pretty tame compared to ass change, but any orifice on a stranger is disgusting. Well…_most_ strangers. Anyway, in the younger days I worked many years in movie theaters and it is a very common practice for people who purchase tickets to hold said tickets in their mouths while pocketing change, wallets, etc. The poor ticket taker then has the unenviable task of handling these paper slobber specimen slides. And at minimum wage, even! ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/28 "2001-02-01T06:48:45Z")
My mother has been admonishing me for years to keep a $20 hidden in my bra “just in case” when travelling. (It was a given that the money would be fished out in private.) Wait until I tell her that hiding place is common knowledge. ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/29 "2001-02-01T19:33:03Z")
I have seen many people who have to handle money from the public wear thin plastic gloves and I always thought, “WTF!” Being brought up in a home where we were taught not to scratch ourselves in obnoxious places without immediately washing our hands before doing anything else, I did fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have. Ugh! :eek: So, long live platic gloves!!! And you have my sympathies! ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/30 "2001-02-01T19:36:39Z")
Sorry. That should have been “…I did **not** fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have.” However, after this thread, I do fully appreciate the disgusting habits many people may have. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2001, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/31 "2001-02-02T21:29:48Z")
Imagine handling this guy’s money: [url=“[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=57809](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=57809)”]here ---
**Author:** ![monkeylucifer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@monkeylucifer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monkeylucifer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2001, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/32 "2001-02-03T00:27:56Z")
AquaPura, I suggest you go right out and get yourself an [“Ass Penny Detector”](http://www.uprightcitizens.org/product/detector.html) and you’ll never have to handle fecally tainted coins again. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2001, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/33 "2001-02-03T01:09:16Z")
\<\<\\>\> I feel for you, **AquaPura**! I remember getting pissy money from drunks when I worked at a convenience store years ago. _Really rank_ pissy money. This was back in the recession of '81-'82, and jobs were scarce. I daydreamed about quitting that job several times a day. A few years later, out in California, I worked at a tourist shop across the street from Mission San Juan Capristrano. We sold lots of inexpensive gimcracks, so we would get the field trip kids all the time. My till often smelled like feet at the end of the day. But the worst was the little boy who kept digging and digging and digging at his butt the whole time he waited in line. By the time I rang up his stuff, I was pretty sure he must have a massive pinworm infestation or something. His money reeked something awful, and I had a whole line of kids behind him to take care of. I couldn’t get away to wash my hands, so I sprayed them with the Windex I kept under the counter. Ewww…ewww…ewww!:eek: ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2001, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/34 "2001-02-03T05:11:49Z")
Back in the day i worked retail and have seen all of this and worse-I even had a homeless guy decide I was “purty” ,grab my shoulders and try to kiss me.But yesterday I had the most disgusting customer experience ever-I now work @ a call center at a credit card company and had a customer on the phone. We’re discussing his account and I hear what I think is running water. Then he flushes-the guy was taking a piss while on the phone-w/ a perfect stranger! ---
**Author:** ![71-Hour\_Achmed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/57b2e6/32.png) [@71-Hour\_Achmed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/71-Hour_Achmed)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/35 "2001-02-06T02:13:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Holly \* > \*\*I imagine he had been walking around all day with that money tucked safely in his shoe. \*\* I was on a semipro blackjack team a few years ago. One of the other players used to play video poker to get room comps at the casinos, helping to avoid surveillance for her blackjack play. One day, she mentioned during a team meeting that she always kept track of the money she used to play six-deck shoes separately from the money she used for single-deck and double-deck games. To facilitate this oddity, she kept the shoe money, logically enough, in her shoes. I muttered to one of the other guys, “I don’t want to ask where she keeps her slot machine money. . . .” ---
**Author:** ![activgurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@activgurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/activgurl)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2001, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/36 "2001-02-06T07:45:51Z")
A long time ago, in a state far, far away (Mississippi), I worked in a fast food establishment. It was one mile from the Gulf of Mexico. Many, many patrons would line up for tacos wearing just swim trunks & flip-flops, or thong sandals. No fanny packs, sorry! Where do you suppose they pulled their cash from? “Yessir! I’d be SO glad to take your money from your shorts!” ---
**Author:** ![horowitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@horowitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horowitz)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2001, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/37 "2001-02-06T13:58:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gaudere \* > \*\* My mom figures out the total, and the woman _reaches down, slips a hand UNDER the hem of her dress and DOWN into her panties and starts flopping dollar bills on the counter._ \*\* Did the dollar bills then begin to scuttle about the counter? ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/38 "2001-02-07T03:16:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*But yesterday I had the most disgusting customer experience ever-I now work @ a call center at a credit card company and had a customer on the phone. We’re discussing his account and I hear what I think is running water. Then he flushes-the guy was taking a piss while on the phone-w/ a perfect stranger! \*\* Amen. I had one of these calls once as well with the customer doing number two, and complaining about his bowels. With all the sound effects you can imagine in realtion to said number two. Ewwww… ::shudders:: ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/39 "2001-02-07T15:28:38Z")
Yeah, but how many of you men wouldn’t be impressed by a girl who could stick a dollar bill in her panties and squeeze it into 4 quarters of change? ---
**Author:** ![monkeylucifer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@monkeylucifer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monkeylucifer)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314/40 "2001-02-07T20:10:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by activgurl \* > **A long time ago, in a state far, far away (Mississippi), I worked in a fast food establishment. It was one mile from the Gulf of Mexico.** Was this Biloxi? I’m a native coastian, so I’ve seen this kind of thing faaaaaar to often…we’re the **Redneck Riviera** after all! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-customers-we-will-no-longer-be-taking-any-ass-change/52314.md?page=1)