# Attention Ladies: Please do not cry at the office **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 14, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970 "2010-01-14T19:33:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Visual\_Purple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5daacb/32.png) [@Visual\_Purple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Visual_Purple)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/101 "2010-01-16T19:43:50Z")
My sense is that tears are almost entirely involuntary, but CRYING (vocalizing) is something you sort of give in to–YMMV. Tears, for me, are strange. Laughing hard always does it, as do sad and sentimental bits of movies. My own intense emotion, not so much, although it has happened. Given my experience, I’d never hold wet eyes against anyone. I guess I’d see sobbing differently, but maybe I’m just assuming everyone else is like me. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2010, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/102 "2010-01-16T21:18:04Z")
I used to be a little embarrassed about my crying frequently and uncontrollably in public, at the slightest provocation, but no longer—it’s just the way I’m made. I’m not embarrassed about the excessive and dramatic manner in which I cry—teary blood shot eyes, snot-dripping nose, quivering lips, high-pitched squeals, ratcheting inhalation jags, quaking body, and whatnot—we all have our little physical peccadilloes. I’m only slightly embarrassed about the unique variety of people who in front of I cry—my parents, my siblings, doctors, the librarian, cashiers, Starbucks baristas, my children, clowns, et al—we live in a democracy, after all. I’m just mildly embarrassed about some of the triggers to my crying—global catastrophes, frizzy hair days, hairy spiders, clowns, bald spiders, ad infinitum—one person’s pleasure is another person’s poison, you know. In fact, the only time I’m truly embarrassed about my crying in public is when I do so during my yearly prostate exam—go figure. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/103 "2010-01-17T08:44:53Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > It’s a biological reaction, and I think it’s kind of sexist that people make such a big deal out of how “unprofessional” it is. A hard-on is a biological reaction. Is it sexist to consider a visible erection “unprofessional?” ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/104 "2010-01-17T17:57:04Z")
**Attention Gentlemen: Please do not snipe and snark at everyone at the office** It’s unprofessional and makes us women-folk uncomfortable. _I understand you are upset becasue you just had an argument with your son’s tutor, but please get a hold of yourself._ (Thank you. That is all.) ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/105 "2010-01-17T18:09:54Z")
I was also going to draw the parallel to hard ons. They just aren’t often obvious to everyone around. You didn’t ask for your hard on, it’s just a bodily reaction. Would you like to be judged unprofessional because your dick got unexpectedly hard when that new temp came in wearing that tight sweater? It wouldn’t really be fair to judge you for it since you can’t really control it, it just happens, right? ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/106 "2010-01-17T18:24:05Z")
I call bullshit on anyone who thinks it’s easy for everyone to stop/not cry. Everyone is different and just because YOU never shed tears doesn’t mean other people have that ability. Sometimes it doesn’t take much to get very upset quickly and be unable to keep 100% composure for some people. And it doesn’t make them weak, or unprofessional. It means for whatever reason, they cry easily. Being one of these people I know how incredibly shitty and frustrating it is. I’ve only cried at work once that I can recall and I went straight to the bathroom to calm down. But I have had crying bouts where I literally could not stop for varying lengths of time. Lucky you if you never had to feel that way. Emotions are a reaction that cannot always be controlled. Crying is a reaction to certain strong emotions. It’s not bad or wrong to do. Get over it. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/107 "2010-01-17T19:06:42Z")
Apparently, I’m not actually female, because I’ve never uncontrollably cried when I didn’t allow myself to. Or maybe it’s not some hardwired biological reaction like you’re claiming and instead it’s a simple matter of controlling your emotions. Women who claim they can’t do so and therefore need to sob at their desk for whatever inane reason piss me off, because you’re making the rest of us (ie, those who are more emotionally mature than a nine-year-old) look bad. So, knock it off. That said - so you’re at work and get a call that a relative has died, or you find out you’re getting laid off, or your boss just rips into you because you screwed something up. So be it. Excuse yourself. Go into the restroom, lock yourself in a stall for a few minutes. Cry. If you’ve gotten it out of your system and want to stay at work, splash some cold water on your face, put some Visine in your eyes, and go back to work. Otherwise, go to your boss, tell them you can’t stay, and leave. Don’t sit at your desk sniffling and whimpering all day. You’re an adult. Act like one. ETA: sexual arousal is often an emotional response. If your SO calls you up and whispers some naughty things in your ear and you find yourself getting incredibly turned on, is it okay to masturbate right then and there? ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/108 "2010-01-17T19:20:33Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > Apparently, I’m not actually female, because I’ve never uncontrollably cried when I didn’t allow myself to. Or maybe it’s not some hardwired biological reaction like you’re claiming and instead it’s a simple matter of controlling your emotions. Women who claim they can’t do so and therefore need to sob at their desk for whatever inane reason piss me off, because you’re making the rest of us (ie, those who are more emotionally mature than a nine-year-old) look bad. So, knock it off. That’s right. You’re clearly not a woman at all, since everyone in this thread who talks about being a “crier” has said that every single woman has this issue. :rolleyes: Oooh ooh! Or MAYBE it’s that _some_ people\* _do_ have a much harder time “controlling their emotions” than super awesome stoic people like you. So sorry that you have to deal with their emotional inferiority. :rolleyes: - I’ll agree that it’s likely more common in women than men, but I have definitely met men who fall into this category. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/109 "2010-01-17T19:26:39Z")
“makes us men-folk uncomfortable.” God forbid you menfolk should be uncomfortable. Definitely far more important than what someone who is so upset they are crying is feeling. No doubt about it your ‘uncomfortable’ trumps their actual pain.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/110 "2010-01-17T21:18:18Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > Apparently, I’m not actually female, because I’ve never uncontrollably cried when I didn’t allow myself to. Or maybe it’s not some hardwired biological reaction like you’re claiming and instead it’s a simple matter of controlling your emotions. Women who claim they can’t do so and therefore need to sob at their desk for whatever inane reason piss me off, because you’re making the rest of us (ie, those who are more emotionally mature than a nine-year-old) look bad. So, knock it off. You remind me of my friend’s old OBGYN. You’d think having a woman would be better, but because she got cramps and they weren’t so bad, she decided that anyone who complained about them was a baby who was making women look weak. Rather than, you know, acknowledging that everyone has different experiences (especially in her line of work – though I’m sure the same kernel of an idea was there, that we must take the boys’ experience as the standard). How understanding of you both. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/111 "2010-01-17T23:32:02Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > “makes us men-folk uncomfortable.” > > God forbid you menfolk should be uncomfortable. > > Definitely far more important than what someone who is so upset they are crying is feeling. > > No doubt about it your ‘uncomfortable’ trumps their actual pain.:rolleyes: Exactly. Because the whole durn universe must come to a grinding halt while we pat your hand and find out what we can do to help you stop crying. And obviously your “actual pain” must be something really major, otherwise you wouldn’t be crying, amirite? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2010, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/112 "2010-01-17T23:34:55Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > “makes us men-folk uncomfortable.” > > God forbid you menfolk should be uncomfortable. > > Definitely far more important than what someone who is so upset they are crying is feeling. > > No doubt about it your ‘uncomfortable’ trumps their actual pain.:rolleyes: At the office, it does. I don’t subject people at my workplace to whatever is the male equivalent. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/113 "2010-01-18T02:03:05Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > How angry does someone have to be before the tears are _uncontrollable_? What the hell is going on at these people’s jobs? That’s the whole point. It’s an individual thing and individual circumstances. What might make Jane Smith cry today might not make Joan Taylor cry, but tomorrow it might be Joan crying. And it may not be entirely based on what’s going on in the office. If someone’s already on an emotional edge, then clearly things might well be worse. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/114 "2010-01-18T02:20:17Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > I don’t know if it’s really basic to anybody’s sex… haven’t you ever cried even though you tried to stop, under any circumstances at all? Yeah, I had it happen on several occasions in the months when I was taking care of my dying mother and the months after she died. You have no clue how embarrassing it is to start crying uncontrollably about losing your mother at 26 after having a bad training night in Ninjutsu when you’re the ONLY female in the class. ---
**Author:** ![moonstarssun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@moonstarssun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonstarssun)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/115 "2010-01-18T02:26:05Z")
I’m not one to cry in public–ever. I can hold myself together at least until I’m in the bathroom or the car, where I can have a little privacy. But that’s me. I don’t expect everyone to do that, and I don’t consider tears to be unprofessional if there’s bad news or something upsetting happens at work. Emotions are going to come into play, and everyone reacts differently to them. However, I had a coworker who cried every single day. Literally. At least once a day she’d disappear into the bathroom and come back sniffly and red-eyed. She told me that she cried in the car all the way home pretty much every day. The problem she had was that she didn’t understand the computer system she was expected to learn (complicated, but not impossible), and anyone trying to show her how to use it would send her into a crying jag. In that case, I felt it was unprofessional, because she had decided that it was too frustrating and too hard and would just give in to the tears instead of trying to wrap her head around what she was being shown. She quit after about three months. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/116 "2010-01-18T06:37:58Z")
It sounds like there might have been more going on there. ---
**Author:** ![moonstarssun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@moonstarssun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonstarssun)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/117 "2010-01-18T16:21:59Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > It sounds like there might have been more going on there. To be fair to her, yes, I think there was. I tried to talk with her about the whole situation, and offered to help if I could and she would just kind of shut down each time. I don’t know if it was the job or something outside of it that was the problem, but she was definitely having some issues. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/118 "2010-01-18T16:31:50Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > …and makes us men-folk uncomfortable. Being told to restrain our emotions makes us feel invalidated and put down. > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Though I admit it’s largely preoccupied with fart jokes. I’m starting to think this must be either genetic or cultural. My mother’s entire family is the same way! > [@starryspice](#): > > However, what he did note was that when he started the testosterone therapy, he became less able to cry. This is very common, if not universal, in transmen, and in fact the opposite usually occurs when biological males begin taking estrogen while transitioning to female. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/119 "2010-01-18T16:53:02Z")
> [@Winston\_Smith](#): > > At the office, it does. News flash - employees are not robots; they’re human beings. Wow! Imagine that! > [@](#): > > I don’t subject people at my workplace to whatever is the male equivalent. Okay, what do you consider the male equivalent to be? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970/120 "2010-01-18T17:24:51Z")
> [@umop\_ap\_sdn](#): > > News flash - employees are not robots; they’re human beings. Wow! Imagine that! This is an office, not an encounter group. Check your humanity at the door. 😉 > [@umop\_ap\_sdn](#): > > Okay, what do you consider the male equivalent to be? Well, somewhere upthread it was suggested that us men-folk shouldn’t grab, scratch or brag about our genitals and/or where they might have been during our wives pregnency. I don’t do any of those things. Nor do I shout, slam doors or have testosterone-fueled outbursts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-ladies-please-do-not-cry-at-the-office/524970.md?page=7)