# Attention!  These following statements are not witty!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-these-following-statements-are-not-witty/256610>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [July 23, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-these-following-statements-are-not-witty/256610 "2004-07-23T23:52:25Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\
**Post date:** [July 26, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-these-following-statements-are-not-witty/256610/61 "2004-07-26T01:10:11Z")

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mmmmm, **Fish** and onions… :dubious:

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**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\
**Post date:** [July 26, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-these-following-statements-are-not-witty/256610/62 "2004-07-26T01:29:37Z")

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> [@Hamish](#):
>
> From my last clerk job, where I worked a loto machine:
> 
> “The winning ticket, please!”
> 
> After the seventieth time of this one on a busy night, I could scarcely mouth my stock response: “If I knew which one was the winning one, I wouldn’t be working here.”

I stole my comeback line from a coworker, who I think still uses it. “We’re all winners with the New Mexico State Lottery.”

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**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\
**Post date:** [July 26, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-these-following-statements-are-not-witty/256610/63 "2004-07-26T02:29:36Z")

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> [@AwSnappity](#):
>
> My dad’s favorite restaurant joke goes like this:
> 
> Host/Hostess: Do you have reservations?  
> Dad: Yes, but we’re eating here anyway.
> 
> This only works if the host/hostess says “reservation **s** ” and not “a reservation.”

I don’t know why, but this one made me almost fall off my chair laughing. And back in my resturant days, if I wasn’t in “the zone” as someone else had mentioned, I probably would’ve laughed my ass off then, too.

😃

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