# Attention: This is not what you do when I ask you to repeat yourself **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 12, 2008, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979 "2008-04-12T01:19:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/41 "2008-04-13T08:43:15Z")
[QUOTE=Two and a Half Inches of Fun] Saying “what” as a prompt for someone to repeat something is rude even if it proceeded by “sorry.” In polite society, the person who wants something repeated should say “pardon” at the least. It would be even better to say, “I beg your pardon. Could you repeat that?” Saying “what” is like greeting someone with “hey.” [/QUOTE] Actually, I think it was Miss Manners (may have been Ann Landers) who said exactly the opposite. “I beg your pardon” is an apology, and why should I apologize to somebody because they didn’t speak clearly/loudly enough? ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/42 "2008-04-13T09:38:28Z")
[QUOTE=shigyu] Why does _everyone_ do this? “What?” means “I didn’t hear what you said.” [/QUOTE] No it doesn’t. If you haven’t heard something, say so. Is it too difficult to say, “I’m sorry but I didn’t hear that”? ---
**Author:** ![shigyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@shigyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shigyu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/43 "2008-04-13T10:55:01Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] No it doesn’t. [/QUOTE] :rolleyes: OK, it doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![AndLuna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dbc845/32.png) [@AndLuna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndLuna)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/44 "2008-04-13T14:27:29Z")
Eh, I’m with the OP on this. (And where I’m from, “what?” is a perfectly acceptable way of asking somebody to repeat themselves. Your mileage may vary.) Also drives me crazy when people think that they have to give a long and detailed explanation/elaboration which is not only unneccessary, but makes no sense at all if I didn’t hear whatever their first sentence was. “What time is the movie tonight?” “Sorry, what did you say?” “You know, it’s something about a dog and a nuclear war and it’s got Julia Stiles in it and I thought it’d be nice to do something after work tonight.” “???” ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/45 "2008-04-13T20:58:34Z")
[QUOTE=shigyu] Why does _everyone_ do this? “What?” means “I didn’t hear what you said.” It doesn’t mean “I heard and understood what you said, but I’m overwhelmed by how many words you used, please summarize the sentence in one word.” Please, just say all the words again, in order. I’m not stupid, just hard of hearing. You make it more complicated when you just repeat a random word from the sentence. Thank you. [/QUOTE] **THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!** And to that, may I add: If I say: “I dont’ understand.” Please dont’ say EXACTLY the same thing you said, using EXACTLY the same words. “I don’t understand” does NOT mean “I didn’t hear you, please repeat.” It means: the words you used, in the orde ryou used them, did not convey meaning to me that I can now act upon. You need to use different words to get your message through. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/46 "2008-04-13T21:29:44Z")
My problem is the opposite of the OP’s. “Tomorrow I have to go and see Suzie, then we’re going to go to the shops, then later have lunch. After that we’ll go to see a movie, and following the movie we’re going to have coffee, then if you’d like to, we can meet up for dinner at wrrgyhwrrm.” Me: “Where are you going for dinner?” “I said, tomorrow I have to go and see Suzie, then we’re going to go to the shops, then later have lunch. After that we’ll go to see a movie, and following the movie we’re going to have coffee, then if you’d like to, we can meet up for dinner at wrrgyhwrrm.” Me: “No, _where_?” “::Sigh:: I **said** , tomorrow I have to go and see Suzie, then we’re going to go to the shops, then later have lunch. After that we’ll go to see a movie, and following the movie we’re going to have coffee, then if you’d like to, we can meet up for dinner at Chilli’s.” :rolleyes: Oi. I didn’t ask for the whole fucking thing again - just the fucking answer to the specific fucking question I clearly just asked! ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/47 "2008-04-13T21:38:58Z")
See, when I say “what?”, I mean “did you just say what I thought you said?”, only with less emphasis. So when they repeat the message, I get a little annoyed (not much–I know I’m not in the majority), because that’s not what I meant at all. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/48 "2008-04-13T22:11:20Z")
[QUOTE=AndLuna] Also drives me crazy when people think that they have to give a long and detailed explanation/elaboration which is not only unneccessary, but makes no sense at all if I didn’t hear whatever their first sentence was. “What time is the movie tonight?” “Sorry, what did you say?” “You know, it’s something about a dog and a nuclear war and it’s got Julia Stiles in it and I thought it’d be nice to do something after work tonight.” “???” [/QUOTE] Haha. This is me. I have a friend who bitches about it all the time. I’LL WORK ON IT, OKAY? ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/49 "2008-04-13T23:12:55Z")
[QUOTE=AndLuna] “You know, it’s something about a dog and a nuclear war and it’s got Julia Stiles in it and I thought it’d be nice to do something after work tonight.” [/QUOTE] Yeah, that does sound good. What’s the title again? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/50 "2008-04-13T23:35:23Z")
I get this from both angles, and it pisses me off. For some reason, I can’t always parse what a person is saying very well (especially if I’m caught off guard). So I wind up asking people to repeat themselves more than I’d like. On the other hand, I hate being asked to repeat myself, but it seems to happen a lot (I assume it has to do with a combination of being soft-spoken, fast talking and picking up a slurred accent). If you ask me once I’ll give in and repeat myself. If you ask me twice…well, don’t bother, because unless it’s important I’m not saying it a third time. Pay better attention next time. ---
**Author:** ![shigyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@shigyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shigyu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2008, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/51 "2008-04-13T23:53:31Z")
My, this thread is uncovering a vicious chasm in human behavior! :eek: Seems everyone has _some_ qualm about “what?”, whether it’s the word itself or people’s inconsistent responses to it. I propose a gathering, 9 AM tomorrow, for all speakers of English, so we can get this mess sorted out. Attendance is mandatory. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/52 "2008-04-14T00:05:27Z")
I think “what” can come across as a little bit rude, or at the least, too informal, depending on the circumstances. I use it with my friends and relatives, but with people I know less well or in a more formal setting, I was brought up to say “pardon me” when I don’t hear something. I don’t think I would ever use “I beg your pardon” unless I was having tea with the Queen. I suspect the disagreement about the proper way to phrase it is a regional thing. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/53 "2008-04-14T02:57:41Z")
My frustration is when I ask “What did you just say?” and am treated to a reinterpritation. Him: I’m heading to the grocery store later I hear: \*mumble mumble \* rosary tomatoes Me: What did you just say? Him: After lunch I thought I’d go do some food shopping. No, no. While I am grateful for the information my need to know what words just morphed in my brain is currently greater. ---
**Author:** ![Vox\_Imperatoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Vox\_Imperatoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vox_Imperatoris)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/54 "2008-04-14T03:11:50Z")
[QUOTE=pedescribe] See, when I say “what?”, I mean “did you just say what I thought you said?”, only with less emphasis. So when they repeat the message, I get a little annoyed (not much–I know I’m not in the majority), because that’s not what I meant at all. [/QUOTE] To me, that’s a matter of your tone and facial expressions. “What?” means, “I didn’t hear you,” but “_What?_” _furrows brow_ means, “What you just said makes no sense, please clarify.” ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/55 "2008-04-14T03:14:49Z")
I’ve thought about writing this OP about Mrs P occasionally. She _always_ assumes that it is only the last word of the sentence she’s just said that you missed. The other thing she does is hear me, but because she’s thinking about something else she can’t process what I’ve said, so she just keeps reflexively asking me to repeat myself till her brain catches up. I’ve now learned that when I think she would actually have heard me but has just reflexively said “what?” I just pause. At least three out of four times, she’ll realise she has actually heard what I said, and will answer. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/56 "2008-04-14T08:43:41Z")
[QUOTE=kathmandu] I think “what” can come across as a little bit rude, or at the least, too informal, depending on the circumstances. I use it with my friends and relatives, but with people I know less well or in a more formal setting, I was brought up to say “pardon me” when I don’t hear something. I don’t think I would ever use “I beg your pardon” unless I was having tea with the Queen. . [/QUOTE] I never say “what?” to anyone if I didn’t hear or understand. I say “Pardon?” ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/57 "2008-04-14T11:03:48Z")
Ah, a place to complain about my own problems with the word “what”! The Bulgarians often interpret my questioning about what such and such is to be literally what does this word MEAN. It drives me crazy because although I definitely do make mistakes, my Bulgarian is pretty damned good for a foreigner, trust me. Do you really think I don’t know what that word means?! Like: Colleague: We don’t have school next Friday! Me: Oh really? What’s Friday? Colleague: Um, it’s a day of the week…the day between Thursday and Saturday… Me: Yes, I know what “Friday” means. But why do we have the day off? Is it a holiday? Yeah, I could have phrased it differently, but I didn’t think you would interpret my question so literally! I know the names of the days of the week, THANKS. P.S. I usually say “excuse me?” or “sorry?” if I didn’t hear. “What?” does sound a little brusque. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/58 "2008-04-14T11:07:04Z")
A marvellous anecdote to relate on the day that one of the Zucker brothers has died. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/59 "2008-04-14T14:32:36Z")
I agree with the OP, and the blame should be laid squarely at the feet of the English language. Spanish has different words for “What? I didn’t hear you” and “What? I don’t understand what you mean.” ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2008, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979/60 "2008-04-14T14:38:27Z")
See, and I tend to repeat only one word from the sentance when confronted with a “what?” because at least 90% of the time, the person who just said “What?” at me is my husband, who just flat wasn’t paying attention for a minute there, and, given a minor verbal clue, will catch the hell up in a big hurry. So if I’ve just said something like “Don’t forget, we have plans to watch the new Indiana Jones movie at 7 with Matt” and he responds with “What?”, I can just say “movie” or “Matt” at him and his memory will kick in and he’ll get the rest of the information. Repeating the whole sentance just irritates the both of us - me because I’m repeating verbatim a sentance I’ve just uttered and him because he’ll remember mid-sentance and get trapped in the “Too polite to interrupt with an “I remember now” but feeling like a dipstick for making my wife repeat herself to me like I’m an idiot because I zoned out for a minute there” thing. We play this game often, because my husband’s ability to be distracted by thin air is nigh-legendary in its capacity. I try to remember to repeat the whole thing if I’m talking to, say, my father (who _is_ hard of hearing), but habits are habits. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-this-is-not-what-you-do-when-i-ask-you-to-repeat-yourself/444979.md?page=4)