# Attention, Vending Machine Filling Guy **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 26, 2013, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794 "2013-11-26T01:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/1 "2013-11-26T01:45:32Z")
To the guy who’s supposed to be making “regularly scheduled” visits to fill our vending machine: You suck at your job. You suck at your job more than anyone has ever lived that has sucked at their job. You are the Chicago Cubs of vending machine filling people. Rod Blagojevich was a better governor than you are a vending machine filling person. If there is a hall of fame for people that suck at their jobs, you would be the statue standing out in the front. A statue of you looking lost with a case of 20 oz Diet Coke, wondering what the fucking hell you should be doing with it. (Bringing it here) Even Fox News says you suck at your job, and you know how often they’re right about stuff? Well, this time they’re right. My cat is better at EMPTYING his litter box than you are at filling the vending machine. There are probably Frenchmen better at fighting wars than you are at filling vending machines. Indiana needs vending machine filling people - go there, you’ll probably only half-suck there. No I take that back, you would even suck there. Sorry Indiana. Jesus once told a parable about a man who was so bad at his job that even jesus his own self could not forgive him. You heard this one? It’s called the motherfucking parable of the stupid ass vending machine filling person that totally blew at his job. Oswald was shooting at you and hit the president instead. Yeah, that’s your fault too. If you look closely at Rubens’ “_ **The Rape of the Sabine Women** _”, you’ll see in the detail a particularly gruesome unspeakable act being committed against a mysterious figure in a work shirt and a baseball cap. That is you - being violated with the Sabines. As you deserve. You are beyond redemption. You are the Gollum of vending machine filling people. There are 33 MILLION gods in the hindu religion. I took a poll, and all but four agreed that you are the person in the world that most deserves to be god-less. 32,999,996 Hindu gods have rejected you. You suck. You suck balls. Don’t even bother bringing the Diet Coke now, it’s too late. You would probably bring us the bottles with the rat shit from the warehouse stuck to the caps. Because you suck that bad at your simple stupid, mindless job, you shit hole of a vending machine filling person. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/2 "2013-11-26T01:55:04Z")
Hands **Man With a Cat** a diet coke. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Lurker\_Above](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Lurker\_Above](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Lurker_Above)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/3 "2013-11-26T01:55:47Z")
Soooo. Suffering from caffeine withdrawal? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/4 "2013-11-26T02:04:24Z")
It’s not about the product it’s about the service. Ok, I lied. It’s about that 1 PM pre-coffee fix. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/5 "2013-11-26T03:07:13Z")
Picked a bad day to quit Diet Coke. ---
**Author:** ![evasgram](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ec9cab/32.png) [@evasgram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evasgram)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/6 "2013-11-26T03:23:04Z")
Hey, I feel ya. My vending machine at work was out of Diet Coke today, too!! Ugggg! ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/7 "2013-11-26T03:46:41Z")
1. Tis a thing of beauty. 2. Whyfor not in Pit? 3. Opalist. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/8 "2013-11-26T04:33:13Z")
10 out of 10. You totally stuck the landing. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/9 "2013-11-26T04:45:58Z")
I only have one word for times when the vending machine is out of Diet Coke: INJUSTICE! ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/10 "2013-11-26T21:26:00Z")
Be brave - try Diet Pepsi instead! ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/11 "2013-11-26T21:31:58Z")
blasphemer Utter not a word against our lady of the diet waters. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/12 "2013-11-26T21:36:25Z")
My office has Diet Coke for free. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/13 "2013-11-26T21:41:41Z")
> [@JohnGalt](#): > > Be brave - try Diet Pepsi instead! He may not have that option. For a long time, Coke had the exclusive contract to supply vending machines here on campus and then someone wised up and decided there actually were people who drank Pepsi products and now we have both. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2013, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/14 "2013-11-26T22:14:20Z")
[Be glad that the machine isn’t dropping an entirely _wrong_ soda if not closed juuuust right after being filled.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=3572537) ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/15 "2013-11-27T00:22:40Z")
That was beautiful. Completely fucking beautiful. Far too good for MPSIMS. Off to the Pit for this masterpiece. **Hal Briston** - MPSIMS Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/16 "2013-11-27T00:47:54Z")
And the scores are in 9.5, 9.4, 9.7, 9.4 and 4.7 I don’t think the Bulgarians understood your rant properly. But, nevertheless, bravo! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/17 "2013-11-27T00:49:16Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Hands **Man With a Cat** a diet coke. :mad: Dammit, that was the last one in the machine! ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/18 "2013-11-27T01:40:21Z")
Very well done! I laughed and laughed and I completely agree with the sentiment. Do not mess with my ability to have a diet soda in the afternoon. It will not be pretty if I’m forced to drink water! ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/19 "2013-11-27T02:19:54Z")
> [@Hal\_Briston](#): > > That was beautiful. Completely fucking beautiful. Far too good for MPSIMS. Off to the Pit for this masterpiece. > > **Hal Briston** - MPSIMS Moderator See? I \*told \*you it was as good as Cervaise’s Telemarketer rant! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794/20 "2013-11-27T03:50:45Z")
That was beautiful, man. Um…you don’t live in Jersey or eastern PA do you? A friend of mine is a vending machine filling guy, and while I could believe that he isn’t the Frodo of vending machine filling people, I’d like to think that he’s doing a little better than being the Gollum. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attention-vending-machine-filling-guy/674794.md?page=2)