# Attn: Hiring Penis Police! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 22, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088 "2000-01-22T17:46:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/1 "2000-01-22T17:46:00Z")
I read this from Rueters. Mississipi is proposing a law that men who are visibly aroused in public may face up to a year in jail and a $2,000.00 fine. The senator who introduced this was quoted “the showing of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state.” I want to flame about this, but this is so absurd I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous this is. What, are they going to take measurements before a man goes in a strip club then again when he leaves? What about the man with the terminal hard on? Guess he deserves life in prison. What’s next, hard nipples in public? ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/2 "2000-01-23T06:05:00Z")
LOL!!! Sounds like the senator has a problem with his own “discernibly turgid state” and is taking it out on his constituents!!! And to think our taxes go to pay the people who feel it necessary to address such issues!!! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/3 "2000-01-23T06:23:00Z")
I do not have a penis, but IIRC, a man does not have to be sexually aroused to get an erection. So, what’s going to happen here? All the men have to stay indoors when it gets really windy outside? * * * “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead ---
**Author:** ![Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/97f17d/32.png) [@Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nu_Vo_Da_Da)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/4 "2000-01-22T19:34:00Z")
…or just bring back the codpiece… ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/5 "2000-01-22T20:19:00Z")
OH! MY! GAWD! This is without a doubt the most absurd, ridiculous and disgusting proposed legislation I have heard in ages. Who is the moron Senator that thought up this stupidity? What state is he/she from? I want to make sure never to vote for them! And one thing I’d like to know about how they’re going to enforce it… Just who the hell is going to determine if the guy is “turgid” or not, and how? Is someone going to feel the guy up to see if he’s just well endowed or actually “hard?” I just cannot get over this. And I guess next (besides the ban on hard nipples), they’ll impose fines on the men or women who actually cause men to become aroused in public. I mean really. Will they fine me if I purposefully seduce a man to encourage him to become “turgid” while we’re at dinner or at a club? Good thing this stupidity hasn’t been a law for the past 20 years, or I’d have had a few dates arrested on our way out of restaurants! Sheesh! * * * “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/6 "2000-01-22T20:26:00Z")
I’m up for helping re-train the meter maids!! * * * You are now leaving a “Smiley-free zone”! A public service message brought to you by G.R.O.S.S. ---
**Author:** ![Surgoshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Surgoshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surgoshan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/7 "2000-01-22T20:29:00Z")
You’re **up** for it, Chief? What the hell is that law FOR? Or, in proper English, for what hell is that law? I guess that would make it misdemeanor, half a year, and $1000 find if you stuff your pants? Geez, those people are **nuts**! ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/8 "2000-01-22T20:56:00Z")
You realize this means that they’re gonna have to ban gym class for all teenage boys… * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![Yankee\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7ea924/32.png) [@Yankee\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yankee_Blue)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/9 "2000-01-22T21:12:00Z")
I think he just wanted the opportunity to use the word ‘turgid’ in a piece of legislation. How often do you get to use the word, after all? Turgid…turgid…he was, they were… * * * Good Friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience - this is the ideal life. –Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/10 "2000-01-22T21:55:00Z")
Yeah, tumescent would have been too tacky. ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/11 "2000-01-22T21:57:00Z")
Shayna, He’s a state senator from Mississippi, his name is Tom King…keep an eye on him if he happens to run for federal government. LOL Chief, what about the meter men? Should they be retrained to feel up a woman too? \< giggle \> I had to look up the actual definition of turgid as I had never heard the word used before: 1. being in a state of distension : SWOLLEN, TUMID. …Tumid 1. marked by swelling : SWOLLEN, ENLARGED \ geez, that kind of disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/12 "2000-01-22T21:59:00Z")
dangit, my definition had \< \> around it, it should have read: …Tumid 1. marked by swelling : SWOLLEN, ENLARGED \< a badly infected ~ leg \> eeeek ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/13 "2000-01-22T22:15:00Z")
I’m just posting here as an opportunity to use the word “turgid”. I don’t think I’ve ever used that word before. and two observations: > [@](#): > > All the men have to stay indoors when it gets really windy outside? windchill factor here yesterday was -34; the joke I intend to make should be so obvious it needn’t be typed :rolleyes: and now for my second observation, which will sound considerably more intelligent: > [@](#): > > are they going to take measurements before a man goes in a strip club then again when he leaves? there are always people trying to shut down strip clubs through legislation. This could be an indirect way to try to do it. * * * Mayor of [Snerdville](http://fathom.org/snerdville), the home of Mortimer Snerd “I’m just too much for human existence – I should be animated.” –Wayne Knight ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/14 "2000-01-22T22:31:00Z")
Hard(hehe) as it may be, I am willing to volunteer my services to uphold(hehe) this new law. Penalties should most definately be rigid(hehe). * * * Always be ready to speak your mind and a base man will avoid you. -William Blake ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/15 "2000-01-22T22:42:00Z")
I stand in awe. Just think of the legal giggles that would ensue: - what would they name the law–and the offese? Possession of a Public Boner? - the poor cops; "hey, you buddy…yeah, I’m talking to you. You got a weapon on ya? Well, if you don’t you’re in violation of the Boner Law. - evidence of the crime. Just think about it. - the trials; what about that porn star (I forget his name), the one who was endowed like a bull elephant? “We enter in evidence…” “Counsel for the defense my approach the bench; please step over Exhibit A.” - the delerious case law that would follow; “It was involuntary, and for evidence we offer this total babe in a tube top”…and the lawyers tables and the judges desk rise 4". Sheesh, SNL couldn’t _make up_ something this stupid. Veb ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/16 "2000-01-22T22:50:00Z")
Or, wait, should that be ‘penilties’? * * * Always be ready to speak your mind and a base man will avoid you. -William Blake ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/17 "2000-01-22T23:29:00Z")
Stiff penilties! Now that baggy clothing will _never_ go out of style. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/18 "2000-01-22T23:31:00Z")
This is an _outrage_! I rise (heh) against this assault on the hard-won (heh heh) civil liberties of the eternally erect. We must arouse (heh heh heh) ourselves to oppose this flaccid (heh heh heh heh) piece of legislation. ## I tell you, the Million Member March will be something to behold. Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![WIU\_Wozman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WIU\_Wozman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WIU_Wozman)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/19 "2000-01-22T23:42:00Z")
I might as well just go turn myself in now, cause I’ll be the first one they get. Incarcerated by the penis, man. * * * View every exit as an entrance someplace else ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/20 "2000-01-22T23:59:00Z")
And think of the PSA’s! Imagine one of those sincere celebrities, say a male member (hee hee) from the cast of Fwiends: “Remember dude: sporting a woody in public is not only embarrassing - it’s AGAINST THE LAW!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088.md?page=2)