# Attn: Hiring Penis Police! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 22, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088 "2000-01-22T17:46:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/21 "2000-01-23T00:20:00Z")
I mentioned this to a friend, whose immediate thought was: fix-it tickets? I’m in, as they say… * * * I am a redhead, you see, and I do not tempt. I insist. -Cristi ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/22 "2000-01-23T00:28:00Z")
**[Cheap Trick]** “The Penis Police they live inside of my head. The Penis Police they visit me in my bed.” **[/Cheap Trick]** ::Almost as bad as "PurpleCrackWhore and I don’t care…:: * * * You are now leaving a “Smiley-free zone”! A public service message brought to you by G.R.O.S.S. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_cow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ad7895/32.png) [@tiny\_cow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_cow)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/23 "2000-01-23T00:46:00Z")
Here’s a link to the article, by the way, if anyone’s interested. [Proposed Law Would Imprison Aroused Men](http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20000121/od/arousal_1.html) ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/24 "2000-01-23T02:45:00Z")
Yeah, now that they’ve eradicated every social problem, let’s go for those pesky erections. * * * Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/25 "2000-01-23T02:53:00Z")
From the article linked by **tiny cow** : > [@](#): > > The bill, modeled on a similar statute in Indiana… Is this law already keeping the hoosiers down? ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/26 "2000-01-23T03:02:00Z")
Relaxed fit pants and baggy suits for every guy in Mississippi. ---
**Author:** ![Noggin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a6a055/32.png) [@Noggin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noggin)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/27 "2000-01-23T03:12:00Z")
To say nothing of priapism. (medical term for boner that just wont quit) is there a provision in the law for those with medical excuses? 🙂 > [@](#): > > **priapism** \Pri"a\*pism, n. [L. priapismus, Gr. ?, from Priapus the god of procreation, the penis, Gr. ?: cf. F. priapisme.] (Med.) More or less permanent erection and rigidity of the penis, with or without sexual desire. –Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary from [dictionary.com](http://dictionary.com) ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/28 "2000-01-23T04:18:00Z")
Oh, come on, it’s just for show…I mean, what politician in his right mind will vote against this bill? Might as well say, “I’m FOR public boners!” even if that’s not remotely why they oppose the bill. Same thing happened with the Communications Decency Act. No Congressman would dare vote against it for fear of being branded as “FOR kiddie porn!” ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/29 "2000-01-23T04:31:00Z")
IIRC-there was a proposed law, I think in AZ a few yers ago, that would ban clothing that you could make out male genitals underneath. (i.e. jogging shorts, tight sweats, speedos, etc…) The people who support such laws best stay away from San Francisco during Gay Pride, Folsom Street Leather Fair, & Halloween. 😃 * * * “If we would have new knowledge, we must get a world of new questions” ---
**Author:** ![lvick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d07c76/32.png) [@lvick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lvick)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/30 "2000-01-23T04:57:00Z")
We could design some shoulder patches that say “Boner Patrol,” and round up the offenders in the “Woody Wagon.” ---
**Author:** ![Riboflavin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Riboflavin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riboflavin)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/31 "2000-01-23T05:49:00Z")
This Senator is an upstanding man, bravely thrusting forth into new areas of law. He is obviously well-endowed with a rigid morality, and is not afraid to appear wooden and unsympathetic when protecting our children from such filth, even while members of the legislature with a weak, flaccid moral stance merely swing in the direction of popular opinion. His willingness to be firm in his opinions even at the risk of being impotent in the polls compared to his limp-willed colleagues is commendable. Sure, some bleeding-hearts will arouse a public outcry, claiming that it is an assault on our hard-won liberties, but I will remain firm in my sentiment that we should erect a statue to show our gratitude to this fine, upstanding man! (I suspect that the law is actually aimed at rock-stars (or wannabes) who wear those tight leather pants that leave one in no doubt as to the state of the wearer’s member.) * * * Kevin Allegood ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/32 "2000-01-23T06:23:00Z")
I say we should steal some NRA slogans. “If erections are outlawed, only outlaws will have erections.” “I have an erection and I vote.” “Erection control means not ejaculating prematurely.” “You can have my erection when you pry it out off my cold dead hand.” Okay that last one may need some work. ---
**Author:** ![meara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@meara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meara)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/33 "2000-01-23T06:33:00Z")
It could always be enacted as a ‘secondary offense’ kind of like not wearing a seatbelt. Cops wouldn’t be able to stop you for wielding a public boner, but could cite you if they happened to notice it while frisking you for something else. 😉 Of course think of the entrapment issues! “But your honor, I wasn’t hard until he patted me down!” ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/34 "2000-01-23T06:34:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Little Nemo: > \*\* > “You can have my erection when you pry it out off my cold dead hand.” > > \*\* ROTFLMAO! That’s **priceless!** (Died with a smile on his face, I’m sure!) * * * “You’ll find the chap stick right next to the public toothbrush on a string.” – Miss Gretchen ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/35 "2000-01-23T06:43:00Z")
Is this actual free standing legislation, or is it a rider? I’ve heard of state legislators attatching absurd riders to pieces of legislation that they were opposed to in the hopes that other assemblymen would vote against the bill in order to keep the rider from becoming law. It’s basically a stalling tactic. But some such laws have gotten onto the books. In Kansas: When two trains shall meet at a crossing, both shall come to a complete stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. In Florida, it is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine. I wonder if this law applies to other porcupines, or if they have to leave the state during mating season, thus risking being arrested for a Mann Act violation. * * * The trouble with Sir Launcelot is by the time he comes riding up, you’ve already married King Arthur. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/36 "2000-01-23T07:21:00Z")
That link didn’t provide a whole lot of detail, but it seems quite discriminatory to me. I mean, what about male dancers? It’s their _job_ to be stiff in public. Or aren’t there any male dancers in Mississippi? * * * “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/37 "2000-01-23T11:30:00Z")
“I’ll fight to the death for my right to bare (errr bear) an erection.” ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/38 "2000-01-23T13:39:00Z")
- - - Somehow I don’t see the Clinton administration letting this one pass, although the supreme court might allow it (with one dissenting opinion, of course). - MC ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/39 "2000-01-23T13:53:00Z")
Shayna mentioned: > [@](#): > > Will they fine me if I purposefully seduce a man to encourage him to become “turgid” while we’re at dinner or at a club? Good thing this stupidity hasn’t been a law for the past 20 years, or I’d have had a few dates arrested on our way out of restaurants! So, you doing anything next weekend? Wanna have dinner? 🙂 - Rick ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2000, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088/40 "2000-01-23T16:47:00Z")
Is that a pickle in your pants or are you just happy to arrest me? Anyway, what about women? Would they be arrested for having a wet spot? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attn-hiring-penis-police/13088.md?page=3)