# Australia plans to give herpes to carp. Which Australians should step up to serve their country? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 3, 2016, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771 "2016-05-03T12:41:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2016, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/1 "2016-05-03T12:41:50Z")
[Australia’s plan to fight the overpopulation of carp in their waters](http://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-36189409) is to give the carp herpes. Which Australians do you think are most qualified to give herpes to carp? It’s time for heroes to step up and serve their country! Upon whom can Australian depend in this hour of dire need? Kylie Minogue? Chris Hemsworth? Paul Hogan? Iggy Azalea? Angus Young? Abbie Cornish? Rolf Harris? Australia desperately needs qualified spreaders of herpes- as many as possible! Who do you think should be drafted? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2016, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/2 "2016-05-03T12:49:03Z")
Troy McClure? ---
**Author:** ![nicky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f0a364/32.png) [@nicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicky)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2016, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/3 "2016-05-03T12:50:21Z")
Murdoch. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@Troy\_McClure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2016, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/4 "2016-05-03T13:22:05Z")
Hello, I’m actor Troy McClure. You kids might remember me from such educational films as “Lead Paint, Delicious But Deadly” and “Here Comes the Metric System”. I’m here to provide the facts about sex in a frank and straightforward manner. And now, here’s “Fuzzy Bunny’s Guide To You-Know-What”. But I categorically deny all those rumors about Gladys the Groovy Mule and I. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2016, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/5 "2016-05-03T13:28:50Z")
Bindi Irwin. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/6 "2016-05-04T09:47:09Z")
So, the koalas have chlamydia, the carp are getting herpes… Wasn’t Australia’s wildlife weird enough? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/7 "2016-05-04T11:02:48Z")
I would’ve thought Shane Warne was the obvious answer. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/8 "2016-05-04T15:05:55Z")
If anyone asks, those kangaroos had gonorrhea before I got here. It’s been hopping around like mad these last few months. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/9 "2016-05-04T15:08:47Z")
Though not technically an Aussie, how about Mel Gibson? He got his start there. Us Americans will gladly let you have him back. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/10 "2016-05-04T16:13:35Z")
Won’t this make all fish pulled from their rivers infected and thus dangerous to cook, serve, or eat? \*Please Note; this post makes no judgement as to whether or not you’d want to eat any fish that has just been fucked by… well… Anybody… ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/11 "2016-05-04T21:15:24Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Troy McClure? Or [Kanye West](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z26xPS8fYdE). Some places in the US stock grass carp in an attempt to outcompete the common carp. The former is more likely to be sterile and not take over the waterways. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/12 "2016-05-04T21:44:17Z")
Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. Maybe the plan is to wipe out all the carp with smallpox, which is also a type of herpes. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/13 "2016-05-05T01:45:04Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Troy McClure? Apu? Oh wait, that’s slurpees. [Emily Litella]Nevermind.[/EL] ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2016, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/australia-plans-to-give-herpes-to-carp-which-australians-should-step-up-to-serve-their-country/753771/14 "2016-05-05T11:38:39Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Won’t this make all fish pulled from their rivers infected and thus dangerous to cook, serve, or eat? The Carp isn’t considered an eating fish in Australia. While very popular in South East Asia, it’s always been considered to taste very bad and to be packed with bones.