And your joke quite bland.
I was in India a few years ago for a couple of weeks- in the north (Delhi, Lucknow, Varanasi). I ate at private homes, small guesthouses and larger restaurants. I found the food not all that different from what I can get in North America (or the UK). I ate mostly vegetarian while I was there- lots of paneer and such. It wasn’t all that spicy either- but then I think that the food is hotter in the south than the north, where I happened to be.
Oddly enough, one of my go-to restaurants in Saint Petersburg (Russia, not Florida) was an Indian restaurant at the very bottom of Nevsky Prospekt. Good, solid Indian cuisine right in the heart of Mother Russia. Wonderful. 
I always go out to Indian restaurants with my Indian by way of England friend, and he finds something to complain about everywhere we go. But sometimes there’s a dish or two that is as good as his mom’s.
Interesting. I have yet to see an Indian restaurant serving pork, but they do serve beef, though. On the other hand, most, if not all, of them in my part of the World have Bangladeshian roots.
ETA Don’t know about horse meat.
Just as there is a wide variety of different cuisines in India, there is a wide variety among Indian restaurants in the U.S. Posters often answer questions about what X-style food in the U.S. is like by talking about the limited range of X-style restaurants that they have been at. I suspect that there are many very authentic Indian restaurants in the U.S. and many very inauthentic ones.
Yup. “What are the contents of an American spice cabinet? Salt and pepper” would be much better.
It’s mostly bullshit these days, but the sentiment is understandable.
Edit: Vindaloo is apparently a take on a Portuguese dish usually involving pork (carne de Vinha d’Alhos).
Yeah, pork is definitely unusual. From what I’ve seen, typically the meats are chicken and lamb/goat. But Goa is about a quarter Christian (almost all Roman Catholic, via Portuguese missionaries), and it was majority Christian at one time, so I assume pork comes from those traditions. I don’t think I’ve ever seen pork on an Indian menu in America, but I’ve never been to a specifically Goan restaurant here.
Oh, and Kerala also has its Christian community (around 20%), and they’re known for some pork dishes, as well.
It certainly is in my house. The spice rack where I keep my Indian spices has some 24 bottles on it. Granted, some are variations of the same thing, i.e., green cardamom, black cardamom, white cardamom, cardamom seeds, etc.
Interesting note on the vindaloo. A local Portland Indian restaurant is named “Vindalho”.
Yeah, I don’t think I know a single American who has less than a dozen spices in the cabinet. Even my Polish parents (whose cuisine is not known for extending too far being salt, pepper, and occasionally marjoram and caraway.) have a fully stocked spice shelf. Counting blends, they have a few dozen different spices there.
(Oh, and green cardamom and black cardamom are actually quite different. Black cardamom and white cardamom are from the same genus, but green [“true”] cardamom is a different one. I’m not really that familiar with white cardamom, but if you smell and taste green and black cardamom, you’ll note how distinct they are.)
I am a bit embarrassed to say this, but I’m not sure about coconut-based dishes and vindaloo . . . I agree they sound Southern, but again in my Karnataka household the word “vindaloo” was never mentioned. South India is really large itself, however, and has a lot of distinct cuisines. But when I go to Bangalore, the food I eat daily is absolutely nothing like what you find in many Indian restaurants. In fact, I don’t even think there are Hindi words to describe most of them . . . we have foods like, “anna saar” (rice with a soup similar to rasaam), “vangibath” (rice with a tamarind-based flavoring), “oopit” (I think this is roasted ground rice or something). Here is actually a very good overview of the foods that I grew up eating. And Karnataka is not an obscure part of India, but these foods are very difficult to find in most Indian restaurants, IME, although I can imagine that in a big city like Chicago you can find pretty much anything.
Is that what’s it’s called? All that “malai kofta” and “chicken tikka masala” and “palak paneer”? Mughal cuisine? How interesting . . .
There’s an Indian restaurant for truckers along I-70 in Indiana - and it’s spicy as heck. Even the biryani is hot. Maybe the subculture of Indian/Bangladeshi/whoever-else truckers likes their food extra-spicy, but I’d always figured it was authenticity.
Also, Hema’s in Chicago’s Little India is spicy - especially if you convince them that although you’re gringo, you can handle it. The vindaloo makes me sweat, even with yogurt.
As mentioned above, the US is a big place.
The big cities with definitely have authentic restaurants of all stripes.
Here in Houston, there’s no shortage of authentic Indian and Chinese cuisine (of all regional varieties).
We have a fair number of Chinese ex-pats here at the office, and they attest to the authenticity of those restaurants. Likewise, they’ve got harsh words about the authenticity of places like PF Changs.
We also have a fair number of Indian ex-pats, and they also give their recommendations for the real deal, with specific recs depending on their own regional tastes. I heard there’s even an Indian food truck roaming town, but I haven’t seen it yet.
There’s also tons of Americanized takeout Chinese places, but nobody thinks those are authentic at all.
Sure, and even in my brief visit there, it was incredible how much food changed from state to state. A food ubiquitous in one state would be nigh impossible to find in another. Vindaloo, as far as I know, is mostly (if not exclusively) associated with Goa. The most interesting discovery for me was Parsi food in Mumbai. I’ve never seen anything exactly like that around here.
In North Eastern India you’ll get a lot of pork. I think one dish from Nagaland featured in Gordon Ramsays “Great Escapes .” However I doubt that these dishes have made their way internationally.
Biryani is the food of the gods. There are different types, so perhaps that’s just a fiery version. The one I made last week had about a teaspoon of cayenne in it, but it was just enough to give the dish a little zing.
Bland food is also a sign that a culture has discovered refrigeration…
Pork will be available mostly around central Kerala, which has a Christian/ Catholic majority. Also in Kerala, lot of Hindus eat beef, unlike north India. So you get beef dishes in most restaurants across the state.
I would much rather taste fresh, quality, individual ingredients than spices that make everything taste the same.
I believe that many people that crave spicy foods are craving:
“Endorphins … they are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise,[2] excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm,[3][4] and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being.”
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