# Authors/Writers/Creators that Should Lose the Right to Write **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 13, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993 "2004-05-13T18:38:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/1 "2004-05-13T18:38:54Z")
Okay, there’s some hyperbole in the title. \*\*George Lucas \*\* Created : Star Wars, Indiana Jones Offense : Star Wars, Episode One. Suggested Punishment : Forced to listen to Jar-Jar read War and Peace on a continuous-loop tape for one year. **John Byrne** Wrote : She-Hulk, Superman, Wonder Woman, X-Men, etc. Offense : Everything he’s written in the last ten years. Suggested Punishment : Amputation of fingers, so he’d never hold a pen again. Who else? I started this in the Pit because it is, in essence, a pitting. But it is also Cafe Society related. Admins, feel free to give it a move if you think it appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/2 "2004-05-13T18:58:50Z")
**Robert Jordan** Created: _The Wheel of Time_ series Offense: Stretching material for 5 books into 13, largely by describing women’s arm position relative to their breasts, and what color their dresses are “slashed” with. Also, the series _still_ isn’t finished after 15-odd years. Punishment: Handing over all copyrights to George Martin, so he can rewrite everything and make it good. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/3 "2004-05-13T19:09:46Z")
**Berman and Braga** Control : The Fate of the Star Trek Franchise Offense : Star Trek : Voyager. Punishment : Mandatory enrollment at the Shatner Acting Academy for the rest of their lives. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/4 "2004-05-13T19:18:30Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > **Robert Jordan** > Created: _The Wheel of Time_ series > Offense: Stretching material for 5 books into 13, largely by describing women’s arm position relative to their breasts, and what color their dresses are “slashed” with. Also, the series _still_ isn’t finished after 15-odd years. > Punishment: Handing over all copyrights to George Martin, so he can rewrite everything and make it good. Too fucking right. The last book of his I started contained 100 fucking pages of details on it being really, really cold. It badly needed the guys from Holy Grail shouting GET ON WITH IT! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Surb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Surb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Surb)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/5 "2004-05-13T19:23:33Z")
Stephen King. He should lose his pen. I started reading King’s books when he published _The Stand_. So I ventured into _Carrie_, _The Shining_, etc. BUT WHAT THE HELL has happened. _IT_?? A FUCKING SPIDER FROM MARS? Just about every book after that except _The Talisman_ and maybe _The Green Mile_ has just been excruciating to read. They make my head hurt. I am still pissed that I waded through _IT_ for that FUCKING Space Spider. How many hundreds of dollars I have spent hoping this book won’t be a worthless piece of shit but what do I get? Space people in yellow raincoats putting up signs for lost dogs. _The Black House_? Can you say FUCKING STUPID??? He should be forced to read the crap he writes or at the very least send me my money back. Oh well that is my rant for the day 🙂 The Surb ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/6 "2004-05-13T19:39:01Z")
Please. If you’re going to talk about bad writers, there is only one choice. There is one man who has built crappy writing into a mountain…a veritable monument to crappiness. All other crappy writers can only peer up at his accomplishments in envy. I give you… **L. Ron Hubbard**. I subjected myself to all TEN volumes of his Mission Earth series. I wanted to remove my brain and stick it in the autoclave halfway through the first one. It went downhill from there. My soul has been permanently stained by exposure to his effluvia. I forced myself to finish the whole series just so I could warn the rest of humanity about it. Horrible, horrible stuff. Nothing even comes close. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/7 "2004-05-13T19:48:21Z")
Lose the right to write? Nahhh… Just the right to be published. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/8 "2004-05-13T19:54:37Z")
**The previous posters in this thread** Control: their own reading habits Offense: continuing to purchase and/or read the works of authors that they admit have “jumped the shark” a long time ago (or were never on this side of the shark in the first place) Punishment: a smack over the head and the instructions “If you don’t like their writing, STOP READING IT, dumbass!” Yeesh. I’m not saying no one should ever criticize authors, but reading all ten volumes of Mission Earth? That’s either masochism or stupidity. Or both. Surely you must have figured out in the first chapter or two that the series was crap–why on God’s mostly green Earth did you keep reading? So you could whine about it on a message board? Put DOWN the book and back away. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/9 "2004-05-13T20:06:57Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > I give you… **L. Ron Hubbard** It may surprise you to hear that Hubbard was quite an able pulp writer at the beginning of his career. Pre-religion. **Harry Turtledove** How many visions of alternate histories can one writer kick out? Keep an eye on Turtledove to find out. Churning out one after another after another. Stilted plots, wooden characters, and forced dialogue. What’s worse is the man can write a little bit when he takes the time and trouble to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/10 "2004-05-13T20:08:56Z")
What, no mention of Anne Rice? Wrote: The Vampire Chronicles, the Mayfair Witches Saga Crime: Going off the deep end and falling in love with herself. The first MW book was great-_Lasher_ was okay (I did enjoy the flashbacks), but _Taltos_ was unreadable. Anymore, her stories consist of nothing more than beautiful undead creatures whining about how much it sucks to be beautiful and undead. Well, in between violent and really disturbing orgies which are just another way to say, “See? I’m soooo deep and dark!” ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/11 "2004-05-13T20:09:05Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Please. If you’re going to talk about bad writers, there is only one choice. There is one man who has built crappy writing into a mountain…a veritable monument to crappiness. All other crappy writers can only peer up at his accomplishments in envy. > > I give you… **L. Ron Hubbard**. Hey, lay offa L. Ron! Sure, he was an awful, awful writer–but he was a good _storyteller_. I’d rather read Hubbard than Stephen King any day. Every few years, I find myself re-reading the Ole Doc Methusela stories, _Slaves of Sleep_, or _Typewriter in the Sky_. > [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > reading all ten volumes of Mission Earth? That’s either masochism or stupidity. Or both. In my case, it was morbid curiosity. And to add to the thread, I think **Michael Crichton** should be fed to the shoggoths. I’ve only read one book by him–_Sphere_–and have sworn never to read his work again. The end of _Sphere_ was the worst literary cop-out I’ve ever been subjected to. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/12 "2004-05-13T20:16:56Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > I forced myself to finish the whole series just so I could warn the rest of humanity about it. If _only_ they gave metals for your bravery. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/13 "2004-05-13T20:18:35Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > Lose the right to write? > > Nahhh… > > Just the right to be published. Fair enough. Going with that idea, Nora Roberts should be cloned (in the science fiction fashion in which an exact duplicate is magically created), the clone should be named J.D. Robb, and the two of them should be walled up in a room together for all eternity. They can have all the paper and ink they want sent in to them, but nothing can come out. They will very shortly be buried under the sheer weight of their own dreck. Better them then some innocent bookseller, I say. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/14 "2004-05-13T20:19:47Z")
> [@Hunter Hawk](#): > > And to add to the thread, I think **Michael Crichton** should be fed to the shoggoths. I’ve only read one book by him–_Sphere_–and have sworn never to read his work again. The end of _Sphere_ was the worst literary cop-out I’ve ever been subjected to. I agree with you about the ending of Sphere, it was cheesy and bad; but the rest of the book was pretty entertaining IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/15 "2004-05-13T20:28:08Z")
> [@The Surb](#): > > Stephen King. He should lose his pen. > > I started reading King’s books when he published _The Stand_. So I ventured into _Carrie_, _The Shining_, etc. > > BUT WHAT THE HELL has happened. _IT_?? A FUCKING SPIDER FROM MARS? Just about every book after that except _The Talisman_ and maybe _The Green Mile_ has just been excruciating to read. They make my head hurt. I am still pissed that I waded through _IT_ for that FUCKING Space Spider. > > How many hundreds of dollars I have spent hoping this book won’t be a worthless piece of shit but what do I get? Space people in yellow raincoats putting up signs for lost dogs. _The Black House_? Can you say FUCKING STUPID??? > > He should be forced to read the crap he writes or at the very least send me my money back. > > Oh well that is my rant for the day 🙂 > > The Surb Can’t say I agree with every last word of this, but it comes close enough that I don’t feel any need to rehash King. Instead I will nominate Thomas Harris. Wrote: Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, etc. Crime: Hannibal, in which Agent Starling behaves in a completely, how shall I put it, BULLSHIT manner. To me, it was not consistent at all with her character. I was pissed off for three days after finishing that. Punishment: A kick in the balls. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/16 "2004-05-13T20:33:16Z")
> [@](#): > > I give you…L. Ron Hubbard. I subjected myself to all TEN volumes of his Mission Earth series. Let’s not forget Erich von Daniken. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/17 "2004-05-13T20:37:23Z")
**David and or Leigh Eddings** Wrote: the Belgariad, etc., mostly bad franchise crap. Offense:everything after, and arguably, including, the Belgariad. Abstract: really wooden, repetitive characters who have finished saying or doing anything original by the end of the first book. David and/or Leigh at this point are purposefully, _gleefully_ ripping off the reading public by repeating the same chunks of conversation and plot, and having the sheer balls to present their laziness as a thematic element! Cyclic repetition, my ass. Granted, I thought it was fairly entertaining when I read it in 6th grade, but my tastes have ripened a bit since. Then they do the same thing for another five books! _Then_ they ripped off all the dialogue and character templates from the Balgariad and recycled it for **every single other book they’ve ever written**. Terrible. Suggested punishment: The Eddingses, Robert Jordan, and Terry Goodkind should all be chained together with concertina wire and be forced to read each others’ work aloud to each other until they all agree never to write again. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/18 "2004-05-13T20:38:56Z")
Well, with Jordan at least, the first book, _Eye of the World_, was good. Not great, not the best fucking book that could possibly ever be written in all universes, but good. _The Great Hunt_ was also good, maybe even a little better. Books 3 and 4 went downhill a bit, but by then I was totally into the story. For all its faults, the story was pretty interesting. But after book 6 or so, he really started sssttttrrreeetttccchhiinnngggg it out to near infinite length, and so I stopped reading. I haven’t read the 2 most recent ones, but from what I’ve heard the plot of both could be condensed into about a third of a book by an author who wasn’t trying to milk the series dry. ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/19 "2004-05-13T20:46:59Z")
This is probably too easy, but I think we could do without approximately 50% of the fantasy authors out there. I mean, if I can’t sell my fiction, I’ll just write fantasy. I think anyone who can string two words together – and many who can’t – can get published in that genre. I don’t know. There are a lot of good fantasy writers out there of course, but total incompetence doesn’t seem to be a barrier in that field. Worst ones I’ve read: the husband/wife team Barbara and Scott Seigel. I forced myself to finish one book of theirs (I make it a point to finish books I start). Their work is vomit in literary form. It had no redeeming qualities. It read like a romance novel without much sex. It was cliched, unrealistic even by the standards of fantasy, with long passages that made me yearn for the excitment and wit of a Dick and Jane primer. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/20 "2004-05-13T21:11:47Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > Fair enough. > > Going with that idea, Nora Roberts should be cloned (in the science fiction fashion in which an exact duplicate is magically created), the clone should be named J.D. Robb, and the two of them should be walled up in a room together for all eternity. > > They can have all the paper and ink they want sent in to them, but nothing can come out. They will very shortly be buried under the sheer weight of their own dreck. Better them then some innocent bookseller, I say. I don’t really care what you say. I admit to having an incurable urge to read Nora (or JD)… more her JD books. I also admit to liking the Eddings, at least the Belgariad series and Redemption of Althalus… I started on Elder Gods… and will probably finish it but I do really see the repetition now (and probably won’t finish this series out.) Jordan, I couldn’t get past the first half of the second book. my ex-roommate sung his praises all the time and finally dropped the books in my lap and ordered me to read, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have even gotten that far. I’ll admit to liking a lot of ‘bad’ books, mainly because for me… it doesn’t matter, unless they are EXTREMELY bad or drawn out. Books are my friends and I sometimes like to visit the people within. It’s a bit of an escape from this world. But anyone who constantly repeats themselves or drags things on forever… I do stop reading anything new and just stick with the old favourites. I think it’s a lot like people who like campy movies because they are campy, only I seem to have a wider selection to choose from 😛 Thank god for Libraries! Otherwise I’d have a bookshelf full of tons of dreck, I only have a moderate amount of it 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993.md?page=2)