# Authors/Writers/Creators that Should Lose the Right to Write **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 13, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993 "2004-05-13T18:38:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/21 "2004-05-13T21:20:13Z")
**Edith Wharton** Created: Age of Innocence, Ethan Frome Crime: Ethan Frome. Punishment: Have the voice who does Tweak on South Park yell passages from her awful book to the tune of Boots’ Randolph’s Yakety Sax while Wharton herself rides a bicycle with the seat replaced with a two-foot long dildo. Wharton will ride this dildo-bike unto eternity. Come to think of it, she probably is already suffering this punishment just for even thinking anyone wanted to read about some asshole crashing a sled into a tree. **Douglas Adams** Created: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Crime: The second and third books of said series. Punishment: Spend the rest of eternity listening to Linkin Park play songs with Vogon poetry as the lyrics. Sorry, but having something be nonsense does not make it funny. After reading Life, the Universe, and Everything, I have vowed never to even look at the rest of the series again. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/22 "2004-05-13T21:21:24Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Please. If you’re going to talk about bad writers, there is only one choice. There is one man who has built crappy writing into a mountain…a veritable monument to crappiness. All other crappy writers can only peer up at his accomplishments in envy. > > I give you… **L. Ron Hubbard**. I subjected myself to all TEN volumes of his Mission Earth series. I wanted to remove my brain and stick it in the autoclave halfway through the first one. It went downhill from there. My soul has been permanently stained by exposure to his effluvia. I forced myself to finish the whole series just so I could warn the rest of humanity about it. > > Horrible, horrible stuff. Nothing even comes close. I feel your pain, brother. I read the whole series (in hardcover!) before I knew what an evil sack of shit Elron was. I did like the audio/video spyware, though. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/23 "2004-05-13T21:24:51Z")
Helen Fielding For over-populating the field of ‘chick-lit’. I’m so sick and tired of seeing books by young female authors about a beautiful young woman who works as a journalist and has beautiful friends that she drinks with every night, and ends up with a beautiful boyfriend and a 2-carat diamond ring at the end. And why is it that I only seem to find grammatical errors in THOSE fucking books? I found at least SIX grammatical errors in _one_ book - and I can’t get a job as a copy editor? I seem to do a better job than their own editors. I’ll stick with my Elinor Lipman, Ursula Hegi, and Maeve Medwed for awhile. Ava ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/24 "2004-05-13T21:45:38Z")
> [@The Man With The Golden Gun](#): > > **Douglas Adams** > > Created: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy > > Crime: The second and third books of said series. > > Punishment: Spend the rest of eternity listening to Linkin Park play songs with Vogon poetry as the lyrics. Sorry, but having something be nonsense does not make it funny. After reading Life, the Universe, and Everything, I have vowed never to even look at the rest of the series again. Ohhh… controversial pick. I would’ve said him eventually, but his crime would be leaving the Hitchhiker’s Quintilogy (New word!) with the ending it ended up with. \*\* Joss Whedon\*\* Created : Buffy, Angel, Firefly. Crime : Malicious emotional abuse of characters. Punishment : Eternal reincarnation cycle wherein he gets to be every one of Angelus’s victims. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/25 "2004-05-13T22:03:43Z")
Finally, someone else who’s as down on Douglas Adams as I am! Good pick, **Golden Gun**. ---
**Author:** ![Gamaliel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b487fb/32.png) [@Gamaliel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gamaliel)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/26 "2004-05-13T22:12:35Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > **John Byrne** > > Wrote : She-Hulk, Superman, Wonder Woman, X-Men, etc. > > Offense : Everything he’s written in the last ten years. Ugh. I fished the first three issues of _Lab Rats_ out of the quarter bin a couple days ago. I overpaid. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/27 "2004-05-13T22:14:33Z")
Apparently there was a radio interview with Joseph Heller (who’s famous for having written Catch-22, which is commonly regarded as a classic, and for being rather mediocre otherwise.). Q. Why have you never written a book better than catch 22? A. Not many people have, mister. Not many people have. But not everyone can use that defense. ---
**Author:** ![RTA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@RTA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTA)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/28 "2004-05-13T22:19:47Z")
Some of you will be happy to learn that both L. Ron Hubbard and Douglas Adams have had their “right to write” quite permanently revoked, to use a euphemism. Adams I liked OK, no reverence, but everything with Hubbard’s name on it should be gathered into a mountain and burned. Those of you looking at pulp writers for literary scapegoats, don’t you think your expectations are a little high? You got your bodice rippers or your dragon riders or some other shit, but just look at the format, they’re all basically potboilers. I nominate the “creative team” currently in charge of James Bond. For me, every Brosnan film have been escalating in their inherent badness, and the most recent one was so totally awful, I really did lose all hope for the future of the franchise. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/29 "2004-05-13T22:53:08Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Finally, someone else who’s as down on Douglas Adams as I am! Good pick, **Golden Gun**. But he did redeem himself partly with the Dirk Gently books, and completely with _Last Chance to See_. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/30 "2004-05-13T23:25:49Z")
[Robert Newcomb](http://fifthsorceress.tripod.com/front.htm). Created: Jack shit, but somebody else created decent cover art for his book. Offense: Existing, not becoming a garbageman or any other career that would be a good match for his literary skill, slandering George R R Martin. Punishment: Someone follows him around and administers a savage beating every time he uses the word “eyebrow”. Actually, on second thought I bet he’s the type who’d enjoy that. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/31 "2004-05-13T23:40:07Z")
> [@UncleBeer](#): > > Let’s not forget Erich von Daniken. Dammit, **Uncle Beer**. I’d completely forgotten all about Erich von Daniken. _Until now._ Since hurtful memories are being dredged up, how about Immanuel Velikovsky? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/32 "2004-05-13T23:41:03Z")
> [@The Man With The Golden Gun](#): > > **Edith Wharton** > **Douglas Adams** > > Created: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy > > Crime: The second and third books of said series. > > Punishment: Spend the rest of eternity listening to Linkin Park play songs with Vogon poetry as the lyrics. Sorry, but having something be nonsense does not make it funny. After reading Life, the Universe, and Everything, I have vowed never to even look at the rest of the series again. Ironically, you made the right decision, but for the wrong reasons. I liked the first three books of the series. It was the 4th and 5th books I had to force myself to complete. You didn’t miss much. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/33 "2004-05-13T23:42:27Z")
> [@koeeoaddi](#): > > Dammit, **Uncle Beer**. I’d completely forgotten all about Erich von Daniken. _Until now._ > > Since hurtful memories are being dredged up, how about Immanuel Velikovsky? I haven’t reas von daniken, but I wonder…Is “Chariots of the Gods” better if you pretend it was supposed to be fiction? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/34 "2004-05-13T23:44:06Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > Well, with Jordan at least, the first book, _Eye of the World_, was good. Not great, not the best fucking book that could possibly ever be written in all universes, but good. _The Great Hunt_ was also good, maybe even a little better. Books 3 and 4 went downhill a bit, but by then I was totally into the story. For all its faults, the story was pretty interesting. But after book 6 or so, he really started sssttttrrreeetttccchhiinnngggg it out to near infinite length, and so I stopped reading. I haven’t read the 2 most recent ones, but from what I’ve heard the plot of both could be condensed into about a third of a book by an author who wasn’t trying to milk the series dry. PREACH IT BROTHER!!! Oddly, this is _exactly_ my experience. Although my freinds say there is about a chapter or two per book of plot. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/35 "2004-05-14T00:02:50Z")
> [@The Man With The Golden Gun](#): > > **Edith Wharton** > **Douglas Adams** > > Created: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy > > Crime: The second and third books of said series. > > Punishment: Spend the rest of eternity listening to Linkin Park play songs with Vogon poetry as the lyrics. Sorry, but having something be nonsense does not make it funny. After reading Life, the Universe, and Everything, I have vowed never to even look at the rest of the series again. :eek: Good thing I have a healthy respect for the opinions of others cause man, them’s fightin words 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/36 "2004-05-14T00:30:39Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > But he did redeem himself partly with the Dirk Gently books, and completely with _Last Chance to See_. I agree with you about _Last Chance to See_. Adams was a great writer so long as he didn’t have to worry about plot or character. As for the Dirk Gently books… I’d rather read _So Long and Thanks for All the Fish_ again. \ ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/37 "2004-05-14T00:31:23Z")
Stephen King has written stuff I hate (Tommyknockers) but I think his Dark Tower books are quite good. Don’t forget about those books when judging his later work. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/38 "2004-05-14T00:40:14Z")
**Tom Clancy** Created: The Jack Ryan series, Rainbow 6 The Offense: Everything released by him after _Executive Orders_, _Rainbow Six_ at the latest. Punishment: Should be forced to read Harry Turtledove. While Clancy isn’t the most literary of figures even at his best, he is still pretty compelling. However, I’m nigh on certain that the last couple of books (Bear and Dragon, Red Rabbit) released with his byline are either: 1. Contract-obligation crapola written while hung over. or 1. Written by somebody else entirely. The books (and style) are _that_ different. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/39 "2004-05-14T01:39:24Z")
Can we add Dean Koontz to the list? Lately his books have really sucked. My MIL keeps foisting them upon me and swearing I will finally like them. Who makes a potted plant into a character? And the surfer lingo in the Seize the Night series - I wanted to rip pages out of the book. Also the ‘happy’ endings are quite contrived. Tic Toc. RE: Stephen King I do love the dark tower books!!! I could seriously have done without The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon though! ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2004, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993/40 "2004-05-14T02:09:18Z")
Harry Turtledove isn’t a bad writer if you have a love for history and environment more than characters, because damn he can’t write those for anything. I especially like the Videssos cycle of stuff for the simple reason that he really seems to firmly know what he’s talking about there. Its not alternative history where he actually has to make up a lot of his characters, but fantasy the copycats off real history from whence he can filch a lot of historical characters and pretend like they’re his. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/authors-writers-creators-that-should-lose-the-right-to-write/244993.md?page=3)