# Autolycus, I'm calling you out
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 2, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455 "2007-04-02T19:11:24Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/1 "2007-04-02T19:11:24Z")
Complete the following story: “I once insulted a hooker in a dark alley, and then…”
If there was already a thread on this, I apologize.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/2 "2007-04-03T13:56:06Z")
Using my free bump.
276 views and not one of them by **Autolycus**? I’m beginning to think that we’ll never hear what is undoubtedly a very amusing story.
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### Author:  [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/3 "2007-04-03T13:57:26Z")
[QUOTE=tdn]
Using my free bump.
276 views and not one of them by **Autolycus**? I’m beginning to think that we’ll never hear what is undoubtedly a very amusing story.
[/QUOTE]
Or really skeery.
And I’m wondering what he was doing in the dark alley to begin with! :eek:
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/4 "2007-04-03T13:58:40Z")
My nightmare is that the sentence is going to end with “yadda, yadda, yadda…and then sha paid me!”
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### Author:  [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/5 "2007-04-03T14:03:07Z")
Your thread title might be a bit confrontational sounding.
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### Author:  [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/6 "2007-04-03T14:04:57Z")
He’s been posting elsewhere this morning, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that it involved various foreign object insertions. _By_ the hooker, but not _on_ the hooker. And possibly calling out the name of Barry Manilow.
I mean, that’s not a story _I’d_ want to relate.
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/7 "2007-04-03T14:06:43Z")
The Barry Manilow part becomes relevant if the hooker’s name was “Mandy”.
Wait, who’s calling out The Manilow? The hooker or **Auto**?
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/8 "2007-04-03T14:07:18Z")
[QUOTE=tdn]
Using my free bump.
276 views and not one of them by **Autolycus**? I’m beginning to think that we’ll never hear what is undoubtedly a very amusing story.
[/QUOTE]
Well, maybe he read the thread but didn’t feel like posting in it.
Oh. Right. Never mind.
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### Author:  [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/9 "2007-04-03T14:07:35Z")
I’m guessing said insulted hooker hunted him down and impaled him on a ladle. It could be true.
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### Author:  [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/10 "2007-04-03T14:11:57Z")
According to **Auto** , it was a ladel. That surely makes all the difference!
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/11 "2007-04-03T15:07:44Z")
_Main Entry: 1la·dle
Pronunciation: 'lA-d&l
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ladel, from Old English hlædel, from hladan
1 : a deep-bowled long-handled spoon used especially for dipping up and conveying liquids_
I’ll be damned if I didn’t just read that as _deep boweled_. Know who to blame for that one.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/12 "2007-04-03T15:21:32Z")
[QUOTE=Tupug Anachi]
I’m guessing said insulted hooker hunted him down and impaled him on a ladle. It could be true.
[/QUOTE]
Since he hasn’t come in here yet to tell the true tale, I guess it’s up to us to fill in the details as we would like to imagine them.
“So there I was, walking the streets of New York at two in the morning. The quickest way to the soup orgy was through a dark alley. There was a hooker there. ‘Hey baby, want a date?’ she asked. She was damn hot. Perfect in every way, except she had a tiny zit on her forehead. ‘Sorry, bitch, you have a tiny zit on your forehead. Ain’t worth the five bucks you’re asking.’ That pissed her off. She whistled, and suddenly I was surrounded by 73 naked hobbits wielding cute little handaxes. The looked at me menacingly, then they danced. I was grooving to the music, so I danced too. But I was a bit clumsy, and stubbed my big toe. And I missed the soup orgy. Man, I’ll never do that again!”
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### Author:  [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/13 "2007-04-03T17:15:05Z")
Hee!
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### Author:  [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/14 "2007-04-03T17:22:26Z")
[QUOTE=TroubleAgain]
And I’m wondering what he was doing in the dark alley to begin with! :eek:
[/QUOTE]
That always reminds me of when I was a teenager, and my best friend would create scenarios for whatever reason about romantically meeting her crush somewhere, write little stories about it, and often bounce ideas off of me. One day she asks me, dreamily, “What would you do if you met [whoever my current crush was] in a dark alley?” Without missing a beat, I responded, “I’d take out my knife and stab him to death.” Laughing, she asked me why I’d said that. “Isn’t that what happens in dark alleys?” I asked.
I mean, _really._😛
**tdn** - I don’t care if we never see **Autolycus** in this thread, because _no_ reality is going to top _your_ version of events. 😃
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/15 "2007-04-03T18:27:58Z")
Glad you liked my story. 🙂
I left out the part about the neon butterflies with boxing gloves, because I didn’t want it to get… you know, surreal.
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### Author:  [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2007, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/16 "2007-04-03T22:30:54Z")
[QUOTE=tdn]
Since he hasn’t come in here yet to tell the true tale, I guess it’s up to us to fill in the details as we would like to imagine them.
[/QUOTE]
Did you PM him?
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### Author:  [@threnodyangelfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threnodyangelfire)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2007, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/17 "2007-04-04T00:05:21Z")
[QUOTE=tdn]
Complete the following story: “I once insulted a hooker in a dark alley, and then…”
[/QUOTE]
In retaliation she assaulted me with a ladle. 😃
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### Author:  [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/18 "2007-04-04T00:12:52Z")
[QUOTE=Anastasaeon]
. . .
**tdn** - I don’t care if we never see **Autolycus** in this thread, because _no_ reality is going to top _your_ version of events. 😃
[/QUOTE]
Are you kidding!? Have you ever read any of **Auto** ’s posts?
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### Author:  [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/19 "2007-04-04T00:27:19Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting]
Are you kidding!? Have you ever read any of **Auto** ’s posts?
[/QUOTE]
Enough to know I like **tdn** ’s version better. It’s… _safer_. 😉
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2007, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/autolycus-im-calling-you-out/398455/20 "2007-04-04T00:39:15Z")
Well, note the word “reality” in **Anastasaeon** ’s post…
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