# Auuuu au-AU-GUST, Rant she must **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 1, 2016, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435 "2016-08-01T03:32:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/101 "2016-08-11T20:15:58Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > [Honey, I found a picture of your grandmother.](https://bobbiblogger.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/honey-i-found-a-picture-of-your-grandmother.jpg) > > I’m glad I grew up in the 80’s with no smartphones and social media to immortalize my shenanigans. I know! I am so grateful for that, every day. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/102 "2016-08-11T20:32:40Z")
1. Weather rant: it is really, really, really, really fucking hot and humid in New Jersey. I’m meeeeelllltiiiing . . . 2. We were gone for most of the day and came home to find that a giant pit had been dug around the phone pole in our front yard. The mysterious digger left a huge pile of dirt and lunch detritus. What the fuck, PSE&G? No note, no nothing? Or, could it be a giant gopher? 3. Bad dreams about my dogs. Thanks, brain, for the hideous nightmares about my dogs dying horribly/going missing. Much appreciated! ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/103 "2016-08-11T20:57:54Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I am mildly anemic and sometimes when I’m feeling shitty I just go eat a great big burger and I feel instantly better. I don’t eat red meat in the house usually (because my husband’s allergic so there’s no point in cooking it) but I do have an emergency stash of hamburger patties in my freezer just in case. I went to Burger Thang and got a Whopper Jr. for lunch and it did help. _looks up axolotl_ [D’aaaaaaw](http://southerncrossreview.org/73/axolotl.jpg). They look so happy. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/104 "2016-08-11T21:01:04Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > I’m sorry, but I start laughing every time I try to picture a miserable axolotl. They always seem to look like this 🙂 If they’re miserable, do they look like this? :o Pretty much 😉 They hold their daft looking floofy things (external gills) flat when they’re miserable, so :o rather than \>:)\< Mostly he’s just hiding in his cave though. I’ll give him some earthworms tomorrow, that’s their favourite. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2016, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/105 "2016-08-11T22:34:05Z")
It turns out that the storm the other night was actually a “microburst,” just in the few blocks where we live. that explains the downed trees and other damage. Good thing we don’t have outdoor cats. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/106 "2016-08-12T11:09:57Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > [Honey, I found a picture of your grandmother.](https://bobbiblogger.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/honey-i-found-a-picture-of-your-grandmother.jpg) Is hysterical laughter permitted in the Pit? This cracked me up!! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/107 "2016-08-12T13:30:44Z")
This fucking kidney stone ordeal has been the worst experience of my life. Not just because of the pain, discomfort, constant feeling that my right nut was being squeezed, and bladder stint that made me pee uncontrollably, but also because of indirect follow-through. I had to sign up for a urine collection kit, which I got last week. I filled it up yesterday, poured a sample into the collection tube, and sealed it up in a biohazard bag. I took it to work with me today to fill out the forms and package it for Fedex. In addition to wanting me to fill out my insurance info, the instructions said to enclose a copy of my insurance card. My company upgraded our copiers recently. Now we can’t just lift the lid, press START and copy. We have to pass our ID badges over a sensor. The machine didn’t recognize my ID. So, I copied the URL provided on a sticker to register with Canon’s website. My cube is on the opposite end of the building from the floor’s ONLY copier. I go to the URL and fill out the form. It wants the copier’s Serial #. The Help section showed a picture of what the label looked like and circled the Serial #, and indicated the label would be on the back of the machine. I went back to the other end of the building. I pulled the copier out and looked behind it. There’s a label for every component of the copier: the lid, the scanner, the cassette loader, etc and NONE of these have a Serial #. I looked at the copier’s screen menu and hit buttons until I found copier info. I found the Serial #. YAY. I went back to my cube and entered the number. Rejected. Tried again. Rejected. I called the Canon Help line. Remember, I just want to copy ONE little card. The helper asked me all sorts of questions that had nothing to do with my situation. I said all I was trying to do was register with the machine so I could make ONE copy. He asked me if there was somebody at my business who sets up the machine. I said I assume it’s the IT department. He said I’d have to contact them. WHUUUUT? Fuck it. I decided the piss lab would have to settle for reading my writing. I packaged the piss sample, then called Fedex to schedule a pickup. I got the dreaded voice operating system I HATE those. I said the words on the instructions. “Ship a package.” It replied “OK. Sending you to packaging.” If I had said “Schedule a pickup,” I would have gone to the right place. But noooooo. The instructions said to say “Ship a package.” I was foolish enough to believe it. I went down to our shipping department, but couldn’t open the door. I had to wait for somebody inside to open it. All this trouble just to ship one tube of piss. With the way my luck’s been going, I’m certain the lab is going to call me and say they need another sample because the one I sent wasn’t fresh enough. HERE! I’LL PISS IN YOUR MOUTH ASSHOLES! HOW’S THAT FOR FRESH??? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/108 "2016-08-12T16:51:12Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > I went down to our shipping department, but couldn’t open the door. I had to wait for somebody inside to open it. All this trouble just to ship one tube of piss. With the way my luck’s been going, I’m certain the lab is going to call me and say they need another sample because the one I sent wasn’t fresh enough. HERE! I’LL PISS IN YOUR MOUTH ASSHOLES! HOW’S THAT FOR FRESH??? This situation sounds like absolute balls and I’m sorry, but that is an A+ rant, sir. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/109 "2016-08-12T17:46:16Z")
Agreed. Good job, **Knowe Out**. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/110 "2016-08-12T18:49:34Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > HERE! I’LL PISS IN YOUR MOUTH ASSHOLES! HOW’S THAT FOR FRESH??? “Sorry sir. While we do appreciate that the freshness level is adequate, my mouth is not an approved biocontainer.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/111 "2016-08-12T19:08:44Z")
Undergrad, a friend of mine was getting paid to guineapig for a Pharmacology lab. He was taking a drug and had to collect his urine 24/7, every drop. We were at a party and everyone was laughing at him for carrying around his jug 'o pee. He got very drunk. Walking home, he tripped and fell. Not only did he hit the curb with his face, but he landed on his jug hard enough to rupture the plastic, soaking him in stale urine. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/112 "2016-08-12T21:25:24Z")
A good friend of mine was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago with esophageal cancer. They found it early; that is, before it made it difficult or impossible for him to eat, because he noticed his voice sounded weird. I’m guessing it wasn’t early enough, though, because it’s already metastasized. There are at least two vertebrae with tumors. There may or may not be another on the pelvic bone. They’re starting the rounds of doctors for opinions and specialists for tests and … This just sucks. This is a nasty form of cancer, with a poor survival rate, and he’s one of the nicest, sweetest, smartest people you could ever hope to meet. There are a lot of people feeling pretty damned devastated by this, and I want to break something real bad. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/113 "2016-08-12T21:44:40Z")
Kayla is appearing in a local production of _Guys and Dolls_. Tonight is opening night. Today, the cast’s Facebook page contains a message that the director will be performing the role of Nicely Nicely for the first week. Subsequent weeks TBD. Tonight at cast call she hopes to learn why the actor cast in the role (without an understudy) had to drop out. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2016, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/114 "2016-08-12T22:35:32Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > This just sucks. This is a nasty form of cancer, with a poor survival rate, and he’s one of the nicest, sweetest, smartest people you could ever hope to meet. There are a lot of people feeling pretty damned devastated by this, and I want to break something real bad. I’m so sorry. Breaking something doesn’t seem like a terrible idea. It might be time to go all Office Space on an old printer (I have a couple I can ship you, if you want.) ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/115 "2016-08-13T21:29:12Z")
Some worthless piece of shit gutter slime broke into my wife’s van last night. I was cleaning the kitchen today and my wife was just leaving to go visit her mom across town. She comes back in the house and asks if I had been in her van for any reason since she came home from work yesterday. I hadn’t and told her so. She then tells me that a pair of sunglasses she keeps in the ashtray is missing and the ashtray was closed (she always keeps it open as a place to set her sunglasses). She’s _pissed_, naturally, and declares that someone stole her sunglasses from the van sometime last night while it was sitting in the driveway. She must have failed to lock it since there was no obvious break-in. We go out together and start looking through the van, and discover that not only are sunglasses missing but so is an umbrella, a couple a cell phone chargers, and one of those “buy 10 cups get the 11th free” coffee cards. Near as I can tell that’s all they took. For reasons I can’t fathom they left a small tool bag and some jumper cables. What I don’t get is this: until recently I’ve been living a few hours away from home, and just moved back a few weeks ago. A lot of my junk from my flat I had in the city is sitting in the carport, including a stereo, a couple boxes of tools, some antique furniture, and other bits of normal household stuff. Whoever took the stuff from the van had to walk _past_ the open carport to get to it. What the ever-lovin’ fuck?? They ignored several hundred dollars worth of tools to open a car and steal $40 worth of more-or-less junk? We live in a very rural community where most people own guns and aren’t afraid to use them. Coming onto someone’s property unannounced, especially if one is caught stealing, carries a very real risk of getting shot and killed. Whoever did this was either ballsy or stupid, likely both. My wife bought the sunglasses on Wednesday. While they were a cheap pair from K Mart, they were brand new. She left here in tears; I’m sure the feeling of having her space violated by some unknown asshole was worse than losing a few bucks worth of easily replaceable stuff. People suck. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/116 "2016-08-14T16:30:26Z")
I had a car stereo stolen once. Nothing insurance wouldn’t cover. It was definitely the violation that was most upsetting. I hope your wife recovers quickly and forgets about it. ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/117 "2016-08-14T16:58:33Z")
Why do cashiers still say can I help you when they see you looking at the menu and not them? :smack: Um can I make a damm decision first what is the big rush especially if it’s no one behind me? ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/118 "2016-08-14T19:28:33Z")
> [@cg16](#): > > Why do cashiers still say can I help you when they see you looking at the menu and not them? :smack: > > Um can I make a damm decision first what is the big rush especially if it’s no one behind me? Behind you? Oh, you’re not mad at a waitress, you’re getting angry at a fast food counter person? Who’s trying to help you? And maybe make some sort of human contact? And whose minimally-paid job would be on the line if they _didn’t_ ask you “Can I help you?” ---
**Author:** ![cg16](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@cg16](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cg16)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/119 "2016-08-14T19:41:03Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Behind you? Oh, you’re not mad at a waitress, you’re getting angry at a fast food counter person? Who’s trying to help you? And maybe make some sort of human contact? > > And whose minimally-paid job would be on the line if they _didn’t_ ask you “Can I help you?” I don’t want the cashier to say anything until I take my eyes off the menu and look at her or ask her a question. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435/120 "2016-08-14T19:43:08Z")
But her BOSS does want her to speak to you as soon as possible. Whose wishes do you think she is going to heed? So once again you are bitching about someone doing something you don’t like, without any consideration about other factors in her life. I thought you learned something in that pit thread about you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/auuuu-au-au-gust-rant-she-must/761435.md?page=7)