# Avast me hearties! Prepare for boarding! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047 "2005-09-23T13:59:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/1 "2005-09-23T13:59:10Z")
In [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6612802#post6612802) thread, I decided if there was going to be a pirate ship, _I_ was going to be Captain and wear the really big hat. \*\*Anastasaeon \*\* wants to be a crew member, so she’s First Mate. Who else wants in? Females only for crew, but men can be scrubbers, servants, and of course, concubines! We promise you’ll enjoy it…Inigo Montoya is our first volunteer. (Speaking pirate is not necessary.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/2 "2005-09-23T14:08:05Z")
This male would love to be a concumbine! I also have a lot of experience as a drink-hauling, shade-providing man wench. Yar!! ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/3 "2005-09-23T14:08:32Z")
So… nobody gets to be Roger The Cabin Boy? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/4 "2005-09-23T14:09:51Z")
You might want to reconsider the female only crew. Every good pirate ship needs a wizard on board, and I am volunteering. And yes, I am a genuine wizard. My Staff has a knob on the end. 😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/5 "2005-09-23T14:12:15Z")
I’ll be the misandrist cook. Heh. Heh. Hehehehehehe… And you thought scurvy was bad! (where is the evil smirking smiley?) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/6 "2005-09-23T14:16:29Z")
State your qualifications, me buckos! And I can find a perfectly good wizard lass. If she wishes to take you on as an “apprentice”, then you can come. No scurvy men as crew! ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/7 "2005-09-23T14:19:35Z")
A femal crew is all well and good but you know damn well that there isn’t a female among you that can read a damn map. \… Ay, I be the navigator. Arrrgh! But I’ll expect payment in gold and sexual booty as bonus. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/8 "2005-09-23T14:21:12Z")
I’m a wizard lass. And I like pirate clothes. 🙂 I’m in! I mean, erm … aye, aye, Captainess! ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/9 "2005-09-23T14:23:10Z")
Yarr! First Mate Anastasaeon here - here to shake down some of these concubinees. Lessee those lily-white collegiate hands o’ yours, **Clotha** … I know a few lady wizardesses, and enchantresses, so you might want to pull yer stump around here and work yer way up… _checks Clotha’s pockets_ Feelin lighter, love? Grab a mop and don’t go all Fantasiee on us like the Mickery Mouse fella. **Mika** , I’m going below to take a nap, been up all night skinnin rats. Yell if’n anyone tries anything funny - I sleep like the wee dolphins, with one eye wide open, and my ears be like seashells. I’ll pull the graveyard shift. We need more crew, I hope to see some more staff in t’evening. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/10 "2005-09-23T14:25:27Z")
All right, **Draelin** , you’re in as the resident wizard! Do you want \*\*Clothahump \*\* as your concubine and apprentice? **Quickie** , baby, sorry, but my First Mate is selecting the male crew and she is my navigator until we get another female. If she likes you, then you can be the future Navigator’s slave. So we have: Captain \*\*Anaamika \*\* First Mate \*\*Anastasaeon \*\* Wizard **Draelin** Cook **eleanorigby** The \*\*Unkempt One \*\* as our first volunteer concubine…hehe. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/11 "2005-09-23T14:27:57Z")
Concubine Inigo Montoya reporting for boo…er, duty. Permission to be boarded? I have brought … the paddle. > [@E-Sabbath](#): > > So… nobody gets to be Roger The Cabin Boy? Roger the cabin boy. Hmmmm…Arrrr matey, you just want me to go fetch some grog so you can stay back and roger the cabin boy! Give him a right round rogering, eh! It is with no smal sense of glee that I happen to know that Roger, the name, comes from the Germanic tongues and means “famous with the spear;” and that roger is also a slang term meaning to “have at,” if you will, with multiple thrusts of one’s personal “spear.” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/12 "2005-09-23T14:28:31Z")
A female crew? Ye mought as well dub your ship “Friday the Thirteenth” an’ be done with it, along of sailing her out the harbour to a rousing chorus of “King Neptune Wears Silk Underwear”. :eek: Nope, I reckon I’ll chance me arm aboard the leakiest, rat-desertedest hulk rotting in Tortuga harbour afore I’ll sign on along of ye, “Captainess” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/13 "2005-09-23T14:29:42Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > All right, **Draelin** , you’re in as the resident wizard! Do you want \*\*Clothahump \*\* as your concubine and apprentice? Anybody whose name contains the word “hump” is alright by me, as long as he’s good at it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/14 "2005-09-23T14:34:31Z")
Our ship is filling up! We need more crew…more females! Captain Anaamika First Mate Anastasaeon Wizard Draelin Cook eleanorigby Concubines: **Clothahump The Unkempt One Inigo Montoya** And we’re keelhauling **Malacandra**. Remember, Captain gets first dibs at the concubines! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/15 "2005-09-23T14:37:36Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Our ship is filling up! We need more crew…more females! > > Captain Anaamika > First Mate Anastasaeon > Wizard Draelin > Cook eleanorigby > > Concubines: > **Clothahump > The Unkempt One > Inigo Montoya** > > And we’re keelhauling **Malacandra**. Remember, Captain gets first dibs at the concubines! Don’t be doin’ that, “cap’n”. Ye’ll be sorry. Meanwhile, I’ll just be sendin’ the parson over to give ye a send-off, along of a fresh pig fer yer stores, some salt, and a couple of nice fresh salmon. It’s not like ye could get any unluckier ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/16 "2005-09-23T14:38:40Z")
Argh! Last I checked, I was a girl! I’ll be shipboard entertainment! All right, who’s up for showtunes?? _One singular sensation Every little step she takes_ Hey! Where be my backup dancers? E. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/17 "2005-09-23T14:39:35Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > **Quickie** , baby, sorry, but my First Mate is selecting the male crew and she is my navigator until we get another female. If she likes you, then you can be the future Navigator’s slave. Fine. But just so as y’know… I’ve got his here treasure map and it’s mine. If you want me booty, you’ll have to ask polite like. And bring yer mate. We’ll negotiate. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/18 "2005-09-23T14:42:54Z")
Well, you’ll need a navigator. I’m handy with a map and compass, can find the north star and shoot a sextant. And I look sexy shooting the sextant. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/19 "2005-09-23T14:44:47Z")
bus guy requesting permission to sail yer scurvy female ship as a cabin servant. sweepin’ and keeping an eye on yer booty when yer sleepin are what i offer. and i can spare yer first mate from skinnin rats, 'cause i **luv** skinninn rats! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/20 "2005-09-23T14:50:25Z")
Captain \*\*Anaamika \*\* First Mate \*\*Anastasaeon \*\* Wizard **Draelin** Cook **eleanorigby** Navigator **Dorjan** Entertainer \*\*Elza \*\* **B** Concubines: **Clothahump The Unkempt One Inigo Montoya** Cabin Servants: **mr bus guy** **Quickie** , we don’t have time for you! If we feel like it we’ll take over your ship and run you aground, and take what we like. We’ve got our own treasure! **Malacandra** , we’re a bunch of hot female pirates! We be havin’ all the luck we need! I still need: Second Mate More Cabin Servants! What else? Ooo! A name for our ship! Suggestions? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=2)