# Avast me hearties! Prepare for boarding! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047 "2005-09-23T13:59:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/181 "2005-09-26T14:39:45Z")
::tuts at his poor coding:: ::appears in the shadows behind **Draelin** like a great cat, and dings her on the back of the head with a belaying pin and brutal strength:: ::claps the witch in irons and a ball-gag:: Ye’re a tiresomely persistent one, aren’t ye? One good ducking not enough for you? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/182 "2005-09-26T14:43:13Z")
Yo! **Malacandra** --happen ye’ll be hungry after all that killin’ and schemin’… Join me in the galley fer some o’ me special pudding? (quick, afore the leaky bucket sinks!) ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/183 "2005-09-26T14:44:42Z")
Creeping behind **Malacandra** with Cuervo and Smokey, each on a shoulder…( **Anyrose** apparently having fallen asleep…). The cats, being close to the wizard in a wizard/cat sort of way are enraged at the attack, and spring on to \*\*Malacandra’s \*\* head scratching, clawing and rendering him blinded and smeeling vaguely or ammonia. And ye wouldn’t DARE hurt the ships cats, not a girly pirate ship at least! ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/184 "2005-09-26T14:45:34Z")
LAND, HO! Oh wait, just a dead whale. Sorry folks, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/185 "2005-09-26T14:49:53Z")
Get him, **mr bus guy**! & Cuervo & Smokey…teach you to mess with a bunch of pussies. (I’m so very sorry. I simply couldn’t resist.) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/186 "2005-09-26T14:53:24Z")
::tosses the cats out through the entryport, their meows Dopplering away into a pair of salty splashes:: You’re a fine one to talk of daring, you oilyskinned lady’s silkboi. Now, since I have a very sharp knife at the throat of this stunned, bound and gagged witch right here, I advise you to make your next move a very sensible one. heh. The big tough pirate wenches hide behind their slavebois, and the slaveboi hides behind a pair of cats. Lends a whole new meaning to the phrase “pussy whipped”. ( **eleanorigby** must think old **Mal** was born yesterday.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/187 "2005-09-26T14:58:12Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Below ducks! :smack: Below decks, although I suppose you could get below ducks, if you wanted. Not sure how it would help. As for “hiding”, I’m not hiding behind anyone! I’m over here trying to talk to the enemy pirate, meanwhile there’s a right barstard on my ship, scuttling it. mr bus guy, do something! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/188 "2005-09-26T15:00:09Z")
Certainly, slaveboi. Ye can either waste more time trying to fight me… or ye can see if you can find the _other_ slowmatch I left in the magazine. There can’t be above half a hundred kegs to search. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/189 "2005-09-26T15:02:10Z")
Yarr, captainess, by’er thunder n’ blood, be it too late fer an ole seawitch like me to sign on t’yer crew? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/190 "2005-09-26T15:02:26Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > :smack: Below decks, although I suppose you could get below ducks, if you wanted. Not sure how it would help. > > As for “hiding”, I’m not hiding behind anyone! I’m over here trying to talk to the enemy pirate, meanwhile there’s a right barstard on my ship, scuttling it. mr bus guy, do something! ::crawling out from under a duck:: Malacadara, apparently forgetting the swimming prowess of cats, believes they cannot fend for themselves. They scamper back aboard, freshly caught fishies in their mouths. And thinking the only threat was from the cats, and ignoring the lowly cabin servant, the overly cocky Malacandara turns back to the bound witch, giving the cabin boy the opening he needs to drop the cargo net over the nasty wretch, and give him a healthy shove overboard. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/191 "2005-09-26T15:06:11Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Yarr, captainess, by’er thunder n’ blood, be it too late fer an ole seawitch like me to sign on t’yer crew? Well, I’m on the other ship, but - I needed you! Get out of that rowboat you used to get here, and get below decks and help defend our ship! You’re our concunine-sorter normally, but right now I need some defense! Draelin, wizardess, since you’re free now, deluge all those powder casks! I know it’s wasting, but better that than our ship blowing sky-high! mr bus guy, good job! ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/192 "2005-09-26T15:06:24Z")
Take advantage? Captain… You wound me… And here I thought we’d have a nice round of … Negotiation. You’d better get back to your ship, lass. Looks to be a bit on the smoking-from-powder side. Ye can try to catch me again another day. _roguish grin_ ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/193 "2005-09-26T15:08:14Z")
> [@ArrMatey!](#): > > Take advantage? Captain… You wound me… And here I thought we’d have a nice round of … Negotiation. > > You’d better get back to your ship, lass. Looks to be a bit on the smoking-from-powder side. Ye can try to catch me again another day. _roguish grin_ Not so fast, y’ole devil! _chases after him_ Arr, Captainess, I’ll gut this 'un from shiver to timbers faster 'n ye can say “Avast!” ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/194 "2005-09-26T15:09:11Z")
The cats meanwhile, befofre even beginning to devour their fresh wigglies from the deep, sniff the air and sense danger. Mewing loudly and galloping through the hold, they lead the remaining crew members (NOT, the useless concubines i should note…) to the powderkeg left burning in the hold where it is quickly grabbed and tossed into the deep, oddly right on top of the dog-paddling **Malacandara**. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/195 "2005-09-26T15:17:57Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Not so fast, y’ole devil! _chases after him_ Arr, Captainess, I’ll gut this 'un from shiver to timbers faster 'n ye can say “Avast!” No! Don’t kill him…I mean, leave him to me! He’s my prey! ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/196 "2005-09-26T15:19:52Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Draelin, wizardess, since you’re free now, deluge all those powder casks! I know it’s wasting, but better that than our ship blowing sky-high! I think I’m still unconscious, Cap’n, but the cats have taken care of it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/197 "2005-09-26T15:22:04Z")
**mr bus guy** , having ignored the warning about the sharp knife, can do what he likes about the hideous, gaping wound in **Draelin** ’s throat. …Oh, but he ran off to play with the amazingly perspicacious kitties, didn’t he? I guess he must not have noticed the witch’s arterial bleeding in the below-decks darkness. Too badski. And if you must get netted and bundled over the side, it sure helps to have a sharp knife in hand, no? **Mal** ducks under water and lets the ocean cushion the effect of the blast. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/198 "2005-09-26T15:23:58Z")
Draelin’s a wizard. Physician, heal thyself! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/199 "2005-09-26T15:27:46Z")
While bound, gagged, unconscious and rapidly bleeding to death? That’d be worth seeing. :dubious: So sorry. If **mr bus guy** hadn’t thought fit to play so fast and loose, I’d have had something much more suitable in mind. (ooc - Going offline.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/200 "2005-09-26T15:29:38Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > While bound, gagged, unconscious and rapidly bleeding to death? That’d be worth seeing. :dubious: > > So sorry. If **mr bus guy** hadn’t thought fit to play so fast and loose, I’d have had something much more suitable in mind. > > (ooc - Going offline.) Well, mr bus guy, do something, will ya? _leaping back aboard my own ship_ We can’t lose our wizardess! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=11)