# Avast me hearties! Prepare for boarding! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047 "2005-09-23T13:59:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/41 "2005-09-23T15:35:39Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I’m a little foggy on that one, but I know every word to “I’m a lumberjack”. 🙂 That works! Here be your tights and leotard, aye! E. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/42 "2005-09-23T15:37:59Z")
> [@Elza B](#): > > Can you sing? > > Give me a quick rendition of “Climb Ev’ry Mountain”, and a kick-step-turn-shuffle, and we’ll see if you’re good enough for the Matey Chorus Line. > > E. Excuse me, lass? Chorus line? Boys, I think we got us a new ship te sink! YARRRRR! ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/43 "2005-09-23T15:42:19Z")
Permission to come aboard, Cap’n? I lost track of which positions are left to fill, but I’m definitely pirate material, and I got girly bits, too. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/44 "2005-09-23T15:43:01Z")
OH, YEAH? _bites **Greenback** , and HARD_ And then, my parrot will bite you! Let’s call it the LadyHawke. All in favor, say AYE! Archers! (Do we have any?) Fire at that overturned ship out in the bay! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/45 "2005-09-23T15:48:15Z")
YaWanna! Permission granted. Are you any good at weapons? Here’s more positions I want filled (snerk): Lookout WeaponsMaster Quartermaster Concubine-sorter ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/46 "2005-09-23T15:51:23Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Captain \*\*Anaamika \*\* > First Mate \*\*Anastasaeon \*\* > Wizard **Draelin** > Cook **eleanorigby** > Navigator **Dorjan** > Entertainer \*\*Elza \*\* **B** > > Concubines: > **Clothahump > The Unkempt One > Inigo Montoya** > > Cabin Servants: > **mr bus guy** > > **Quickie** , we don’t have time for you! If we feel like it we’ll take over your ship and run you aground, and take what we like. We’ve got our own treasure! > > **Malacandra** , we’re a bunch of hot female pirates! We be havin’ all the luck we need! Is there any sort of dress code required for the concubines? Of course I would prefer to wear nothing at all while performing my duties, but if you would like me to wear some sort of lycra-spandex pirate outfit I could certainly do that. Also, I would really like to have a parrot that would remain perched on my shoulder while I am performing my manly duties. A talking parrot that would shout inspirational messages while I am working would be AWESOME! YAR! ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/47 "2005-09-23T15:56:40Z")
Thankee, Cap’n. I don’t have weapons experience, but I think I be a fine Quartermaster. With your permission, o’course. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/48 "2005-09-23T15:57:51Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > Is there any sort of dress code required for the concubines? Of course I would prefer to wear nothing at all while performing my duties, but if you would like me to wear some sort of lycra-spandex pirate outfit I could certainly do that. Great idea! We need a Costumer. YaWaana, welcome aboard! Where’s Kythereia? She can be the Concubine-Sorter. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/49 "2005-09-23T16:01:02Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Where’s Kythereia? She can be the Concubine-Sorter. It’s not like her to miss an opportunity for concubines, Cap’n. Mayhap we’ll have to arrange some sort of rescue–only capture by the Royal Navy would keep her from sortin’ \ the concubines. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/50 "2005-09-23T16:04:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Aye! We needs us a WeaponsMaster! Volunteers? Normally this is where I’d jump right in, for I am a true master of weapons, and a lord of battle. However, I can see that I’d not be wanted for me prowess with… iron and steel. I think I may have to go get my fleet of long ships to sail forth from the Northlands to raise and pillage the shores of these strange southern lands. And when I do, no one, not Spaniards, nor Dutch, nor men of Bitain, not even you lasses of furtune, will stop me from turning this place into a Viking lake. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/51 "2005-09-23T16:09:24Z")
I would like to be the lookout Captain. Or the random sailor that is climbing the rigging. Land off the Port Bow!!! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/52 "2005-09-23T16:12:56Z")
Ahoy! Cap’n, I can tie some fine knots, and by the Devil’s teeth! I’m right handy with a cat-o-nine tails. Ye’ll be needin’ someone t’keep them menfolk disciplined, and I’d be right glad to flog them what gets out o’ line. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/53 "2005-09-23T16:16:07Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > I’d be right glad to flog them what gets out o’ line. You have to do it right, lass, because methinks most of them’ll enjoy it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/54 "2005-09-23T16:18:22Z")
Let’s review our crew: Captain \*\*Anaamika \*\* First Mate \*\*Anastasaeon \*\* Wizard **Draelin** Cook **eleanorigby** Navigator **Dorjan** Entertainer **Elza B** Quartermaster **YaWanna** Lookout \*\*Ludy \*\* (how well does \*that \* work out) Ropemaster & Whipmaster **The Weird One** Concubine-sorter **Kythereia** , who may have to be rescued Concubines: \*\*Clothahump \*\* (\*\*Draelin’s \*\* personal) **The Unkempt One** (First Mate’s personal) \*\*Inigo Montoya \*\* (my personal) \*\*Quicksilver \*\* (Ship whore 😛 ) **Regallag\_The\_Axe** (Sure, why not?) Cabin Servants: **mr bus guy** Lookin good! Where we be headed? Lookout Ludy, what land do you see? ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/55 "2005-09-23T16:35:15Z")
Yarrr, I be thinkin’ I yam the only one 'round these parts with actual canon firing experience. I can concubine between shots if that be needed. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/56 "2005-09-23T16:41:32Z")
Second Mate **Snakescatlady** is back with the aviary, and some flight diapers. We don’t want bird poop on our lovely Captain. Oh, I see I was left off the roster. Did I get fired while I was gone? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/57 "2005-09-23T16:45:05Z")
Whoops! Captain \*\*Anaamika \*\* First Mate \*\*Anastasaeon \*\* Second Mate SnakesCatLady Wizard **Draelin** Cook **eleanorigby** Navigator **Dorjan** Entertainer **Elza B** Quartermaster **YaWanna** Lookout \*\*Ludy \*\* (how well does \*that \* work out) Ropemaster & Whipmaster **The Weird One** Concubine-sorter **Kythereia** , who may have to be rescued Concubines: \*\*Clothahump \*\* (\*\*Draelin’s \*\* personal) **The Unkempt One** (First Mate’s personal) \*\*Inigo Montoya \*\* (my personal) \*\*Quicksilver \*\* (Ship whore 😛 ) **Regallag\_The\_Axe** (Sure, why not?) \*\*brownie55 \*\* (belongs to SnakesCatLady, if she wants) Cabin Servants: **mr bus guy** Lookin good! Where we be headed? Lookout Ludy, what land do you see? [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/58 "2005-09-23T16:50:12Z")
::A fleet of fifty longships packed with Nordic warrors approaches. Standing on the dragon shaped figure head of the first ship stands Regallag the Axe, dressed in armor and holding a vicious looking axe that’s four feet across, from blade to blade:: Hey, how did I get roped into being a concubine while I was in Sweden? Anyway, we’re off to Havanna, to burn it to the ground, and cary the gold and slaves home. So I guess won’t be able to play concubine. Not untill we’ve come back and brought women, and established a fortress outpost at least. “Onward, warriors! To glory!” ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/59 "2005-09-23T16:54:51Z")
> [@ArrMatey!](#): > > Excuse me, lass? Chorus line? > > Boys, I think we got us a new ship te sink! > > YARRRRR! Oh, ye think? Don’t mess with me or I’ll put you in tights and tap shoes and make ye sing “Edelweiss”! E. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/60 "2005-09-23T16:55:24Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > In [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6612802#post6612802) thread, I decided if there was going to be a pirate ship, _I_ was going to be Captain and wear the really big hat. \*\*Anastasaeon \*\* wants to be a crew member, so she’s First Mate. > > Who else wants in? Females only for crew, but men can be scrubbers, servants, and of course, concubines! We promise you’ll enjoy it…Inigo Montoya is our first volunteer. > > (Speaking pirate is not necessary.) I’ll be the cook (as long as there’s a generator and a microwave 😉 ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=4)