# Avast me hearties! Prepare for boarding! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047 "2005-09-23T13:59:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/101 "2005-09-23T19:42:01Z")
::gathers up cat hair and hairballs, stuffs into cannon:: Here! Try this! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/102 "2005-09-23T19:45:30Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Just a damn second **Unkept** , you cheap tramp. I’m the ship whore. This is MY corner. Find yourself another ship to work before I scratch your eyes out. Knock off the fightin’ you scurvy dogs! Ye’ll take what yer given, and ye’ll _like_ it! Two lashes to **Quicksilver** for tryin’ to start a fight. _lash_ _lash_ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/103 "2005-09-23T19:47:10Z")
Cap’n, I’ve got to go catch a plane. (no, seriously) Ye’d best assign someone else to keep the concubines in line for the time bein’. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/104 "2005-09-23T19:47:29Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > Knock off the fightin’ you scurvy dogs! Ye’ll take what yer given, and ye’ll _like_ it! > > Two lashes to **Quicksilver** for tryin’ to start a fight. > _lash_ > > _lash_ Maybe I could have a lash or two also? Please? ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/105 "2005-09-23T19:48:53Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > Cap’n, I’ve got to go catch a plane. (no, seriously) Ye’d best assign someone else to keep the concubines in line for the time bein’. Quartermastering’s a bit slow right now, Cap’n. I volunteer to step in and discipline the conkybines fer a while! ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/106 "2005-09-23T19:48:56Z")
_takes a moment away from meteor showering to lash **Unkempt**. And **Quicksilver** _ _and **Clothahump** , just 'cause_ ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/107 "2005-09-23T19:52:11Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > ::gathers up cat hair and hairballs, stuffs into cannon:: > > Here! Try this! I’ve been saving the litter box droppings, load them too, no man can stand the stench of an ammonia-cannonball!! ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/108 "2005-09-23T19:54:32Z")
Should either side find themselves in need of a mercenary for the ensuing conflict, I am available. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/109 "2005-09-23T19:56:50Z")
**YaWanna** , you’re in charge of getting ammunition to everyone! I’ll be over here lashing \*\*Quickie \*\* a bit. 😃 GET THAT AXE HIRED! ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/110 "2005-09-23T20:00:07Z")
Aye aye, Cap’n! But I’ll be needin’ some conkybines to do the heavy liftin’. Preferably with their shirts off. And here’s some oil to put on…step to it, boys! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/111 "2005-09-23T20:01:22Z")
If you want, you can put the oil on yourself. Line up, me boyos! How fares the battle? ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/112 "2005-09-23T20:02:02Z")
> [@The Weird One](#): > > Cap’n, I’ve got to go catch a plane. (no, seriously) Ye’d best assign someone else to keep the concubines in line for the time bein’. Me Me Me!!! ::gleefully rubbing hands together:: ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/113 "2005-09-23T20:02:17Z")
Ooh, even better. Thankee, Cap’n! ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/114 "2005-09-23T20:07:12Z")
Loaded with hairballs and cat turds… BANG and ewww, that was nasty! ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/115 "2005-09-23T20:07:46Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > GET THAT AXE HIRED! First, a battle prayer: mumble mumbe mumble Odin mumble mumble mumble the THUNDERS mumble mumble mumble mumble One Handed mumble mumble… HAIL AND KILL! Let’s go! ::Swings over to **Arr Matey** ’s ship, hacking at the masts, and slicing down Rigging:: You shall fall! RRRRAAAAGGGHHH! ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/116 "2005-09-23T20:07:52Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > If you want, you can put the oil on yourself. > Line up, me boyos! > > How fares the battle? the feline generated projectiles seem to be doing the trcik cap’n ArrMatey’s crew is recoiling in horror ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/117 "2005-09-23T20:09:31Z")
Boarding party! Follow the Axe! We’ll pay him with booty recovered from the other ship, arrr. Where’s my First Mate? I be needing her soon! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/118 "2005-09-23T20:09:41Z")
:: Lights freshly oiled self on fire & swings to victim ship on a grapling rope, “sword” drawn :: Avast!! I’m greek fire! Have at you! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/119 "2005-09-23T20:10:44Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > :: Lights freshly oiled self on fire & swings to victim ship on a grapling rope, “sword” drawn :: > > Avast!! I’m greek fire! Have at you! BWAHAHAHAHA! _catches breath, re-reads the post_ BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Goddamn that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read. _still laughing_ ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/120 "2005-09-23T20:10:50Z")
Cap’n, we’re runnin’ low on ammo, but I found a bucket full o’used feminine hygeine products. Shall we load the cannons with 'em? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=7)