# Avast me hearties! Prepare for boarding! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047 "2005-09-23T13:59:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/121 "2005-09-23T20:11:26Z")
Cuervo and Smokey attack a pile of tuna, preparing more deadly ammo… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/122 "2005-09-23T20:12:07Z")
> [@YaWanna](#): > > Cap’n, we’re runnin’ low on ammo, but I found a bucket full o’used feminine hygeine products. Shall we load the cannons with 'em? No! That would violate the Geneva Convention! Inigo’s got the right idea! SEND THE CONCUBINES IN! Ick. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/123 "2005-09-23T20:14:27Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > :: Lights freshly oiled self on fire & swings to victim ship on a grapling rope, “sword” drawn :: > > Avast!! I’m greek fire! Have at you! :: stops fighting with **Arr Matey** ’s pirate crew momentarily :: HA! A-HAHAHA! :: go back to fighting :: ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/124 "2005-09-23T20:14:45Z")
Beggin’ the cap’n’s pardon, ma’am, but since when do pirates follow some lily-livered Geneva Convention? 'sides, I’m gonna miss those conkybine boys if they don’t come back… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/125 "2005-09-23T20:16:22Z")
> [@YaWanna](#): > > Beggin’ the cap’n’s pardon, ma’am, but since when do pirates follow some lily-livered Geneva Convention? > > 'sides, I’m gonna miss those conkybine boys if they don’t come back… But that’s so disgusting… Arr! Time for the Captain to be doing some fightin’ herself, methinks! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/126 "2005-09-23T20:18:32Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Boarding party! Follow the Axe! We’ll pay him with booty recovered from the other ship, arrr. Crudite, anyone? Hors d’eouvres? It’s all organic! Captainess, my Captainess, don’t ferget yer hip flask o’ rum! Catch! ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/127 "2005-09-23T20:19:11Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > BWAHAHAHAHA! > _catches breath, re-reads the post_ > BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! > Goddamn that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read. > _still laughing_ _your_ post caused tears to stream down my face as my stiffled gauffaws sound more like Dastardly’s dog Muttley’s squeaky snrks Then I read **Mr Bus Guy** ’s post… all is lost - i shall get no more work done today ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/128 "2005-09-23T20:21:09Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Crudite, anyone? Hors d’eouvres? It’s all organic! > > Captainess, my Captainess, don’t ferget yer hip flask o’ rum! Catch! Right! _catches flask, opens it, takes a swig. squirts it in the direction of the oiled-up, lit concubines jumping over_ Light up the sails, boyos! HE’LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT HIM! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/129 "2005-09-23T20:21:57Z")
You’ll work or walk the plank, **anyrose**! No slackers on this ship. Come help me in the galley–the bo’sun’s mate is getting his meat roasted… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/130 "2005-09-23T20:22:39Z")
I be searchin’ the hold for treasure, me pirate wenches! Could be a while before I get back…if the First Mate don’t show up, the Second Mate is in charge! And if she don’t show up, YaWanna’s in charge! ARRR! _drops into the hold_ (I’m going home.) ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/131 "2005-09-23T20:24:17Z")
I’ll be over here, rainin’ some more fire on the enemy, and admiring the Oiled Fighting Concubines Band Name! ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/132 "2005-09-23T20:27:37Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > You’ll work or walk the plank, **anyrose**! No slackers on this ship. > > Come help me in the galley–the bo’sun’s mate is getting his meat roasted… aye aye. ::sniffs air for roasting meat:: ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/133 "2005-09-23T20:28:54Z")
_looks around for First Mate, looks around for Second Mate. Grins wickedly_ Alright then, me fine Oiled Fightin’ Conkybine Boyos - time for Cabana Boy auditions! Bring me & the rest o’ the pirate wenches some boat drinks! And don’t ye be forgettin’ the little umbrellas! ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/134 "2005-09-23T20:35:37Z")
> [@YaWanna](#): > > _looks around for First Mate, looks around for Second Mate. Grins wickedly_ > > Alright then, me fine Oiled Fightin’ Conkybine Boyos - time for Cabana Boy auditions! Bring me & the rest o’ the pirate wenches some boat drinks! And don’t ye be forgettin’ the little umbrellas! not too much ice in mine, please 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/135 "2005-09-23T20:37:18Z")
We’ve mutated into a pirate musical then have we? Fine, as I rip off my cabin servant disguise and reveal myself as “Ramses of the Chippendales” Who wants a piece of this? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/136 "2005-09-23T20:39:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I be searchin’ the hold for treasure, me pirate wenches! Could be a while before I get back…if the First Mate don’t show up, the Second Mate is in charge! And if she don’t show up, YaWanna’s in charge! > ARRR! > > _drops into the hold_ _drops into the hold_ :: From below decks :: Arrrr! giggle ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/137 "2005-09-23T20:49:28Z")
> [@YaWanna](#): > > _looks around for First Mate, looks around for Second Mate. Grins wickedly_ > > Alright then, me fine Oiled Fightin’ Conkybine Boyos - time for Cabana Boy auditions! Bring me & the rest o’ the pirate wenches some boat drinks! And don’t ye be forgettin’ the little umbrellas! Wait! I was just about to light myself on fire and hurl myself over the side of the ship, as per previous instructions! Now you want drinks! So which is it? Do I defend the ship by lighting myself on fire and throwing myself at the enemy, or do I make frosty, fruity drinks with umbrellas in them and serve them to the pirate ladies while wearing my pirate/cabana boy loin cloth? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/138 "2005-09-23T20:51:26Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > Wait! > > I was just about to light myself on fire and hurl myself over the side of the ship, as per previous instructions! > > Now you want drinks! > > So which is it? Do I defend the ship by lighting myself on fire and throwing myself at the enemy, or do I make frosty, fruity drinks with umbrellas in them and serve them to the pirate ladies while wearing my pirate/cabana boy loin cloth? This is a tough choice? Flaming overboard to death, or Cabana Boy action? ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/139 "2005-09-23T20:55:40Z")
The Cap’n’s down lootin’ the enemy ship. They’re not fightin’ anymore, no one’s heard a peep out of 'em. We’ve declared victory! Now, I want to see some loincloths & boat drinks. If you want to oil yerself up an’ light yerself on fire while yer servin’ em up, that’s fine w’me. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047/140 "2005-09-23T21:03:29Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > _drops into the hold_ > :: From below decks :: > Arrrr! giggle _giggle_ I…ah…I’ll be \*busy \* down here for a while. You guys plunder, loot, and take whatever prisoners you want. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avast-me-hearties-prepare-for-boarding/323047.md?page=8)