# AvP sucks. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 13, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757 "2004-08-13T22:34:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/1 "2004-08-13T22:34:36Z")
[As if any of you should be surprised](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/alien_vs_predator/) It felt like some cheap, early 90’s bad sci-fi movie that you would accidentaly catch at 11:00 on Cinimax. Paul W.S. Anderson is a hack. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/2 "2004-08-13T22:53:14Z")
Maybe the “W.S.” stands for “Will Suck”? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/3 "2004-08-13T22:57:54Z")
I am Jack’s total lack of surprise. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/4 "2004-08-13T23:19:41Z")
It’s an uninspired sequel to two twenty year old franchises that exists solely to sate the appetites of 14 year olds (both physically and mentally) that think high cinema is a movie full of CGI fights. It should come as no surprise that it sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/5 "2004-08-13T23:25:53Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > It’s an uninspired sequel to two twenty year old franchises that exists solely to sate the appetites of 14 year olds (both physically and mentally) that think high cinema is a movie full of CGI fights. > > It should come as no surprise that it sucks. Yes, but it’s apparently the _level_ of [suckitude that’s surprising.](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/alien_vs_predator/) > [@](#): > > Frankly, I don’t like it. In fact, I find it silly. Once the characters realize they must pick their own battle in this war between the slimy guys and the prickly guys, the movie achieves a level of silliness best suited to movies like “Megaforce” or “Yor: Hunter From The Future.” I swear, at one point I thought I heard the guy in the Predator mask say, “I am…and will always be…your friend.” It’s bad enough the gore content got castrated down to PG-13 standards, but now I have to sit through a variation of “Mac & Me”? Where’s the blood and guts? Where are the shredded bodies? Where’s the love? I don’t think that Zorak could have said it better himself. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/6 "2004-08-13T23:29:29Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > It’s an uninspired sequel to two twenty year old franchises that exists solely to sate the appetites of 14 year olds (both physically and mentally) that think high cinema is a movie full of CGI fights. > > It should come as no surprise that it sucks. Not even physicaly. Those 11:00 Cinimax movies have the decency of a cheasy sex scene. No boobies in AvP. The movie felt like he had some generic formula for a generic sci-fi action movie, and then just added Xenomorphs and Predators into their respective variables. And this was not based off of a twenty year old franchise. There os a very large and iteresting AvP world in the comics and games. DAMNIT! This could have been so awesome! It should have been Aliens vs. Predators vs. Space Marines! That is what we all expected. _Alien 2_ but with Predators thrown in! He had dozens of awesome plots already written for him in the comic books but the bastard had to put his own crappy touch on it! ANDERSON IS SUCH A MOTHER EFFING HACK! ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/7 "2004-08-13T23:30:00Z")
Well, I guess not _every_ movie that’s based on a video game can be a box-office smash… ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/8 "2004-08-13T23:30:15Z")
One element I thought was strange: the action takes place in the Antarctic in October, in the dark. Shouldn’t they be in the middle of six months of daylight? This movie is comparable to _Feddy vs. Jason_ in that it combines two franchises while ignoring the backstory of both. That might be forgivable in a quality story (as some of the Dark Horse comics had) but this was just… lame. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/9 "2004-08-14T00:07:45Z")
> [@Muad'Dib](#): > > Not even physicaly. Those 11:00 Cinimax movies have the decency of a cheasy sex scene. No boobies in AvP. My paranthetical was a comment on the mental age of the adults who might enjoy the film, not what desires it might satisfy. Sorry for my vagueness. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/10 "2004-08-14T00:29:07Z")
Well colour me surprised. When press releases started talking about the director of such Citizen Kane’s as **Resident DrEvil** and **MoreDull Kombat** putting his own unique stamp on the franchises I knew it was doomed. Course, all that’s going to happen now is that the people that put up money for these things is going to see the hopefully abysmal box office success of this tutkey and that’s the end of the **Alien** and **Predator** sequels. On second thought, that’s probably a good thing! ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/11 "2004-08-14T00:30:45Z")
Tutkey! This season’s mutant Turkey! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/12 "2004-08-14T00:55:20Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > Course, all that’s going to happen now is that the people that put up money for these things is going to see the hopefully abysmal box office success of this tutkey Presuming you meant “turkey” ;), unfortunately that isn’t going to happen. Analysts predict AvP will open at #1 this weekend, largely because of desperate fanboys whose hankerin’ for slimy slam-bang action overrode the rational side who listened to people like me who have been assuring them for months that the presence of Paul W.S. Anderson behind the camera essentially guaranteed a film that would be only marginally more watchable than Uwe Boll’s _House of the Dead._ (C.f., this thread’s OP. Hey, it’s not like you weren’t warned.) And because Anderson spends rather less on his projects than the typical Hollywood blockbuster, even mediocre box office will translate to profit, which is all that matters in the biz, and Anderson will get another chance to fuck up a beloved cult property. Last I heard he was developing a remake of _Death Race 2000._ Come on, people. Box office = voting. You pay for this crap, you basically vote in favor of it, you get more like it. Why is this so hard to understand? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/13 "2004-08-14T01:02:09Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Analysts predict AvP will open at #1 this weekend, largely because of desperate fanboys whose hankerin’ for slimy slam-bang action overrode the rational side who listened to people like me who have been assuring them for months that the presence of Paul W.S. Anderson behind the camera essentially guaranteed a film that would be only marginally more watchable than Uwe Boll’s _House of the Dead._ (C.f., this thread’s OP. Hey, it’s not like you weren’t warned.) And because Anderson spends rather less on his projects than the typical Hollywood blockbuster, even mediocre box office will translate to profit, which is all that matters in the biz, and Anderson will get another chance to fuck up a beloved cult property. Well, you’ve just answered [this reviewer’s question.](http://www.flickfilosopher.com/flickfilos/archive/2004/alienvspredator.shtml) > [@](#): > > How many awful, monotonous, stupid movies does Anderson have to make before they take away his scissors and crayons? ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/14 "2004-08-14T01:54:50Z")
According to fair and balanced [FoxNews](http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,128968,00.html) there have been no advanced screenings. Such special treatment is normally reserved for true cinematic [gems](http://imdb.com/title/tt0339034/) ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/15 "2004-08-14T01:56:00Z")
That’s advance screenings :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/16 "2004-08-14T02:04:19Z")
BTW, apparently bootleg copies of the film started circulating on the net several days before the film was released. (Gotta wonder about _that._) One of my cow-irkers (he’s a big pro-wrestling fan) saw it that way and loved it. Considering his other tastes in films (he thinks that _The Day After Tomorrow_ was the best film of the year), I knew that any possibility of it being good was gone. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/17 "2004-08-14T02:23:51Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > Well colour me surprised. When press releases started talking about the director of such Citizen Kane’s as **Resident DrEvil** and **MoreDull Kombat** putting his own unique stamp on the franchises I knew it was doomed. > > Course, all that’s going to happen now is that the people that put up money for these things is going to see the hopefully abysmal box office success of this tutkey and that’s the end of the **Alien** and **Predator** sequels. On second thought, that’s probably a good thing! “Resident Dr. Evil” sounds like it’d be good for a laugh. Imagine _Scrubs_ but with more frickin’ lasers. Unfortunately, Anderson’s [still at it.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0318627/) ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/18 "2004-08-14T02:50:46Z")
I’m clearly in a minority, and I had to suspend my disbelief more than I like, but I reached the point where the sheer ludicrous nature was enough to entertain me for an hour and forty minutes. There were countless flaws, but the fact that _Frankenstein vs The Wolfman_ was playing on a TV in an early scene spares it much of my wrath. Plus, Erich von Däniken is probably wetting himself with delight, claiming vindication… ---
**Author:** ![dry\_gear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@dry\_gear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dry_gear)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/19 "2004-08-14T02:58:02Z")
Are the human characters annoying and stupid in it? ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757/20 "2004-08-14T03:14:17Z")
> [@dry gear](#): > > Are the human characters annoying and stupid in it? Yes. Slight spoiler: They all die. All of them except for the heroine. The more I think about this movie, the more I hate it and Anderson, the hack. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/avp-sucks/259757.md?page=2)