I can’t help but wonder what the standard of comparison for Moron Co-Worker (MCW) is. True, she was joking when she called 120lbs. “porker,” but was she joking? really?
Out of curiosity, how large is your larger co-worker (LCW)? 'Cos if she’s 150, 160, 180…then she probably knows she’s not some elephantine lardass, and that MCW has bought into the whole “if you can’t hide behind a chain-link fence, you’re worthless” b.s. That doesn’t mean LCW has to believe it, too.
'Nother vote for not bringing it up with LCW and squashing any attempts to revive it (overheard or not, it’s not appropriate to make sizeist* comments in the workplace).
dammit, when did I start using -ist words? Great, now I’m a freakin’ hippie!
You know, I’ve found the phrase “Lets talk about something else” to be very effective. That’s “Lets talk about something else. [pause] [next topic]” Repeated as necessary.
Its responses like this that lead to things like zero tolerance policies, children being expelled from school for nail clippers and people being labelled sex offenders for taking a leak behind a bush.
Sometimes shit happens, life is crap, not everybody will get on. We just need to deal with it, and how we deal with it says how we are as people. To be happy and mentally healthy we don’t need to go through life never hearing a nasty comment.
A comment like that, while thoughtless, tactless and hurtful is a long way from nasty and “hostile”
OMG, this made me laugh. Tiny Moron is the client services representative! I hear her talking to clients from time to time, saying things like, “Oh my gosh, we forgot all about you! You know I’m just so disorganized here.” She probably thinks her candor is charming.
sugar and spice, I love “Let’s talk about something else.” I can do that!
I remember reading an article about a school that implemented such a zero tolerance policy that children at a school weren’t allowed to play games like tag, red rover, or anything that had the potential of creating the slightest conflict. Jeebus forbid there were “winners” and “losers” in a children’s game.
Child psychologists asked to comment on the policy said it was ridiculous, because if it was widespread it would create a generation of people who were unable to manage basic conflict on their own without deferring to a superior.
“Talk to HR” sounds just like what they were talking about.
An adult should be able to figure out how to manage run-of-the-mill personality conflict (like dealing iwth a run-of-the-mill jerk) in the workplace without invovling HR or wasting company resources on mundane things like that. Save it for genuine cases of discrimination or long-established patterns of workplace harassment.
The Tiny Moron is a jackass. You just need to tell the jackass you won’t be party to jackassidness.
I wouldn’t say anything to the BBW. We BBWs know we’re big, thanks - and when someone points out the obvious, we just thank God we’re fat and not missing our cerebral cortex.
I would, however, chew Clueless Co-Worker a new one.
I think you’re on the right track here, Dung Beetle. If BBW isn’t stupid (and it doesn’t sound like she is), she also knows what an airhead Tiny Moron is, and she didn’t hear you enthusiastically joining in on the fat-bashing, and you are treating her like a valued co-worker and friend, I don’t think you have too worry too much about your role in hurting your BBW co-worker. I don’t think you need to be too delicate with Tiny Moron - you can tell her that you aren’t comfortable gossiping about other co-workers, and you won’t participate in it. That’s actually a good rule-of-thumb regardless of who she’s talking about.
I disagree with others here, though - I don’t think it would hurt to talk to BBW and let her know that you do value her as a co-worker and a friend, regardless of what she overheard. A fat woman hears many negative comments, and very few positive ones; I don’t think giving her a positive comment would be a bad thing. And good for you for wanting to be one of the good guys, Dung Beetle. It’s easy to be prejudiced against fat people; fat people and mentally disordered people are the last targets that people still feel free to discriminate against openly.
And its so easy to come up with positive comments - even appearance based ones - that have nothing to do with weight. I love the color of your shirt - brings out your eyes. That’s a really great haircut.
On of my heavy friends got her hair colored - it was so flattering I asked for the name of her hairdresser and used him for a while. She later said she appreciated that compliment, she doesn’t get things like that often.
Hate to hijack your thread, Dung Beetle, but something kinda similar happened to me yesterday. Well, not quite similar. But it involved a weight-related faux pas in an office setting.
Yesterday, we had a little baby shower for my former supervisor. Despite being preggo, she is toothpick skinny. Very slim woman. Folks at my job often marvel at her metabolism. A lot of the other women in the office are overweight. I’ve heard one or two of them express envy of her.
Well, at the shower, while my former boss was opening her presents, she relayed what she thought was a funny anecdote. Apparently one day she got into a honking match with another driver who was mad at her for doing something or another. Shortly afterwards she turned into a parking lot and this driver must have been going to the same place because he saw her. Spotting her pregnancy, he quipped “Oh, you must be hormonal and that’s why you drive like that.”
My ex-boss then said that she thought a decent response would have been “Well, at least my pregnancy is only temporary. But you’ll always be fat.”
Knowing that there was a number of fat people in the audience, I cringed when she said that. That seemed like a inappropriate thing to say in a room full of heavy people. But maybe that’s just me being hypersensitive.
next time this happens, say in a clearly heard voice:“What you are saying could be hurtful to others. Have you considered that they might hear what you are saying?”
you withe the face that was not as bad as the original post. The skinny lady pointed out the heavy lady in the office during the spiele. Doing that puts borderline behavour over the edge. Your example doesn’t have her pointing out an attending person and commenting on her directly.