# Baby Stories: funny with distance **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 10, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baby-stories-funny-with-distance/560214 "2010-11-10T20:07:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baby-stories-funny-with-distance/560214/21 "2010-11-13T00:29:57Z")
Oh, yeah- when Gnat was six weeks old we went to my aunt’s funeral. He slept all through the service, woke for the beginning of the reception, nursed, and exploded out of his diaper in all directions. I was a new mum, sleep deprived, and hadn’t packed the usual three extra outfits. I carried him around in a blanket for the rest of the reception. It was March (meaning, ‘about freezing outside’). ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baby-stories-funny-with-distance/560214/22 "2010-11-13T00:43:05Z")
OH yeah, all the varying types of diapers…the gasket leakers, the little nuclear nuggets, the ones that shoot up the back. I have a 20 minute video where I brought the kids home, turned on the camera, then it was a solid 20 minutes of tag team unhappy kids…two diapers, two bottles, two MORE diapers ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2010, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baby-stories-funny-with-distance/560214/23 "2010-11-13T11:15:11Z")
Completely on trend with the title - at around about 4 weeks Baby From Mars managed to poo into a room she wasn’t even in at the time. My mum was changing her nappy on the change table and she fired off with beautiful parabolic grace, with the eventual landing spot out in the hall, about 5 feet away from where she was lying. She’s a year now and has never pooed without a nappy on since. But even at the time, it really was funny with distance (oh the glory days when poo was still a novelty!) ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2010, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baby-stories-funny-with-distance/560214/24 "2010-11-15T02:00:52Z")
Oh, I don’t have the luxury of distance yet to make this funny. I’m doing this number right now with my youngest who is a few days shy of four weeks old. Him: _cry, cry_ “I’m so hungry!” Me: “Awww, cute little baby. C’mere!” Him: “Yum, yum…” _snore_ Me: ??? _sets him down to nap_ Him, about a half second later: “HEY, I THOUGHT I SAID I WAS HUNGRY HERE?!” Me: “WTF.” _continues feeding_ Him: “Oh yeah, that’s it. That’s the stu–” _SNORE_ Me: “…” Me: _looks around, pokes at him a bit to make sure he’s really sleeping, sets him down_ Him: “HAHAA, fooled you! Food! NOW!” Me: _cries a little_ Ben, of course, thinks this is hilarious and adorable. He’s not the one lactating, you see. Then again, I laughed my ass off when he sent me the text while I was off at clinicals saying “Got my first overflow…” Hey, dude, enjoy the poop! Hahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2010, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baby-stories-funny-with-distance/560214/25 "2010-11-15T04:48:23Z")
I had to add… my oldest is feeling a bit sickly last night, and today he seems to be doing all right, if a little over-tired. He hasn’t napped in about 2 years (he’s nearly 5) but today, I asked him if he’d like to lay down and have a nap. He thought about it for a minute and said he would lay down for awhile, but only if I laid down with him and patted his back. Well, usually, he doesn’t put up with any babying, and the idea of a little snuggle time with my boy is pretty appealing, so I tuck him into his bed and lay down next to him, patting his back and rubbing his head a little bit. Suddenly, he turns and looks at me, and BLEEEEH! Barfs all over me! My hair is soaked with it. Clothes, pillows, sheets, blanket, kid, mom, everything. UGH. I just laughed, you know, because what else can you do? Plopped him in the bathtub while I got a shower, and 10 minutes later he’s feeling fine. No longer wants a nap. He did apologize, though. “I’m sorry I throwed up in your hair, Mommy. Do I have to go to Time Out?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baby-stories-funny-with-distance/560214.md?page=1)