Ha! we didn’t have time. It was before there was a “before” There was only the void, without substance, without light, without thought. Hmmmm, very similar to my kids mind…
Back in my day we were all compressed into a singularity. Then suddenly there was a big explosion. We were all so happy to finally be free we shouted “Bang!”.
“Bang!”? You had a “Bang!”?
Hrumph. Some folks just don’t know how lucky they are. The best we could manage was a whimper, and a pretty pathetic one at that. But we were happy with it!
Whiners! You had voices and a common language? Ha back in my day all we had was moans and groans. In fact, the start of our universe was known as The Big Grunt.
Oh, we used to dream of a universe! Would have been a palace to us! We didn’t even have grunting! All we had was the sound of our respiration.
Out of one lung that all of us had to share.
If it wasn’t your day for the lung, you were SOL.
You got to respirate?! You lucky bastards. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hold your breath for 4.5 billion years?
:nods, redfaced:
whewwwwwwww
:pants:
pretty hard I’d say 
[sub] Pants not Ants:smack: [/sub]
YOu think you had it bad?
When I was quasi-semi-born there was no internet. Imagine that!
Look at you, using all those fancy wancy words. “Quasi-semi-born.” BAH! Being BORN wasn’t even invented in my day. We just sprung from the great void (which, mind you, wasn’t much of a void at all, more like a bowl of spilled puddin’). And there weren’t much to spring into, niether. Imagine just coming into being and not being nowheres. What the hell was the point in that?
Now I done gone soiled myself…
Existence?! Void?! HA! Back in my day we didn’t have neither! Everything was just pure random chaos. I didn’t know my hat from a cornshucker with the gas power… but we didn’t have hats or gas or corn or cornshuckers, and we walked 15 miles towards the…
[falls asleep]
Zzzzz… eh? Where was I?
Oh, yeah!
…house.
House? You were lucky to have a house! We lived in a hole in the ground in the middle of road, covered by an old tarpaulin!
We were evicted from our hole in the road, we had to go live in a lake!
Back in MY day, we didn’t even have Threadspotting. We had to search the boards ourselves!
Boards? Ha! Back in my day we didn’t even have Usenet! We had Not-Good-For-Anything-Net! There were so many holes, you couldn’t even play tennis with it! It was a glorified piece of string!
At least you guys were given the ability to realize how things have changed from the “past”. In my present, I can’t even remember the past. That’s how bad I’ve got it.
You people and all your new-fangled “memories” as you call them. Bah!
Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say “dickety” 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word “twenty”. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles…
I can remember when all of this was fields…
Back in my day we didn’t even have language, so when you wanted an “orange” you said,"
"
I never got an “orange.”
Back in my day we didn’t have language.
So we couldn’t complain.
Not that we ever did! We were grateful, by gum!
Come to think on it, we didn’t have no gum, either.