# Back in the old days, how did gays manage to meet each other? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 1, 2004, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390 "2004-11-01T20:07:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/21 "2004-11-04T15:25:16Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > There were notable gay hangouts in New York, and those who came to the city quickly learned where they were. Some of the YMCAs, for instance, were congregating places. 42nd Street was also a hangout (in **Brining Up Baby** , Cary Grant, caught in Katherine Hepburn’s robe mumbled “I’m just waiting for a bus on 42nd Street.” That was a common excuse when the police tried to hassle gay men in the area.) For a fictional account of pre-Stonewall gay life (or at least a slice thereof), which deals extensively with the New York (among other locales) gay scene, such as it was then, I recommend John Rechy’s _City of Night_. It’s an incredible book. Unfortunately, it’s the only decent book he ever wrote, as far as I know. He’s still around, and he has a new novel out, if anyone is interested. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/22 "2004-11-04T16:30:42Z")
An old (gay) friend of mine told me that in the Good Old Days, parrots being on an establishment’s sign was a semi-secret indication it was a gay watering hole. Still, I would like confirmation of that. I could never tell when he was pulling my leg. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/23 "2004-11-04T16:40:23Z")
> [@Early Out](#): > > There are a lot of subtle cues involved, of course - duration of eye contact, body language, turns of phrase. It isn’t really necessary for someone to shout, “Hey, I’m queer! Wanna do it?” A male friend in grad school once got a phonecall on his machine–calculated to reach him when he wasn’t at home. The male caller remarked that he had seen him around, caught his eye a number of times, thought there might be something there. He apologized for the awkwardness of the call, especially if he read my friend wrong, but if there was any interest please call Stephen as 555-5555. My friend played me the message. I recognized the distinctive voice of one of our classmates (who wasn’t exactly closeted), and knew his name wasn’t “Stephen” but he was obviously protecting himself a bit until he knew my friend’s reaction. That has stayed with me–I thought this was a very careful, finessed way to handle this sort of thing, but I felt considerable sympathy over how difficult this must be. I imagine gentle inquiries like this have been the norm throughout the ages in societies where homosexuality was frowned upon. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/24 "2004-11-04T17:47:54Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > There were notable gay hangouts in New York, and those who came to the city quickly learned where they were. Some of the YMCAs, for instance, were congregating places. 42nd Street was also a hangout (in **Brining Up Baby** , Cary Grant, caught in Katherine Hepburn’s robe mumbled “I’m just waiting for a bus on 42nd Street.” That was a common excuse when the police tried to hassle gay men in the area.) Mmmmmm. . .brined up baby. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/25 "2004-11-05T07:51:02Z")
Of course, despite all the talk of ‘sleazy bars’ and ‘secret signals or code-phrases’, I expect that the majority of gays met the same way most straight couples did: **they were connected by friends or family members**. That’s certainly true of the couples that I know that are of that age range. (And it’s _much_ more common nowdays.) Gays have always had sympatic straight people (often family members) who knew they were gay, and unhappily single. And people of every era seem to enjoy matchmaking. So they arranged introductions, or meetings, or got them working on the same committee, etc. Just as straight matchmakers have ‘arranged’ things for countless years. ---
**Author:** ![Kegg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Kegg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kegg)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/26 "2004-11-05T08:42:56Z")
DANTESTENTH-I think that would be the Oak Room at the St. Francis, an UP SCALE hotel. Gay-dar worked well then, but you had to be carfull. The police would station good looking cops in the park with tight jeans or white trousers (I think some of them used old socks or something) and arrest any one who approched them. I found the Black Cat without any trouble, I walked by and looked inside and knew what it was. * * * Spelling and grammer subject to change without notice. ---
**Author:** ![scm1001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@scm1001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scm1001)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/27 "2004-11-05T13:26:06Z")
there were gay bars even back in prehistoric times. “When you’re with the Flintstones you’ll have a yabba dabba doo time. A dabba doo time. You’ll have a gay old time”. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390/28 "2004-11-05T13:30:04Z")
We developed radar _long_ before the military did. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-in-the-old-days-how-did-gays-manage-to-meet-each-other/272390.md?page=1)