# Back off! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 30, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618 "2008-01-30T18:25:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/1 "2008-01-30T18:25:33Z")
There are several people I work with who feel the need to position themselves three inches from my face when they talk. One of them came up behind me the other day and nearly rested her chin on my shoulder while she talked. I felt rude as hell not turning to acknowledge her, but if I had, my nose would have brushed her cheek. One of the other ladies who does this is sick all the time. Is she trying to kill me? My breath probably stinks, but it’s offered no protection. I’m sure if I grabbed one of these raddled old bats and stuck my tongue down her throat, that’d fix the problem, but then I wouldn’t be working here anymore. Perhaps if I get a really dramatic breast augmentation, they might fall back a step? ---
**Author:** ![Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Eleanor\_of\_Aquitaine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleanor_of_Aquitaine)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/2 "2008-01-30T19:00:00Z")
Ah, the dreaded Close Talker. I hate that too. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/3 "2008-01-30T19:15:29Z")
Ugh. I used to have a supervisor who was a “close talker” – I finally just told him one day “look, Mike, you are invading my personal space and it makes me feel uncomfortable” it worked. Whenever he would close talk, I would simply back up a step and say “close talking” or “personal space” and he would back off – with everyone so scared of sexual harassment suits nowdays, it’s easy enough to just say something about feeling uncomfortable and be done with it. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/4 "2008-01-30T19:19:58Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] . . . nearly rested her chin on my shoulder while she talked. [/QUOTE] Good Lord. Is she the duchess and are you Alice? " `'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is–“Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!”’ `Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it’s done by everybody minding their own business!’ `Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, `and the moral of THAT is–“Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.”’ `How fond she is of finding morals in things!’ Alice thought to herself." ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/5 "2008-01-30T19:28:38Z")
[QUOTE=teela brown] `Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it’s done by everybody minding their own business!’ [/QUOTE] I wish! ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/6 "2008-01-30T19:29:21Z")
Tell them they’ve invaded your personal space and if they don’t back off you’ll be forced to take preventative measures to secure said space. Or hiss ---
**Author:** ![nofloyd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nofloyd/32/2870_2.png) [@nofloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nofloyd)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/7 "2008-01-30T19:39:57Z")
My first week of work another woman came up behind me (while I was sitting at a computer) and started playing with my hair. Maybe some women do that girly stuff but I am NOT one of them. I do back up when they get too close. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/8 "2008-01-30T19:41:03Z")
I used to have a (female) boss like that. I was young and hungover most mornings. It was all I could do to not breath out for 2 minutes. Good times… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/9 "2008-01-30T19:42:47Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] Perhaps if I get a really dramatic breast augmentation, they might fall back a step? [/QUOTE] Clearly this is an unacceptable solution. If you back up, do they follow? Do what **Litoris** did. Or if they have a sense of humor, you can get the point across in a joking way. Like lean waaaay back and act as if that’s your normal posture. Or back up while very visibly measuring the distance with your hands or holding out your hand to indicate that she should stay put. Or say “I can hear just fine from waaaay over here.” ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/10 "2008-01-30T19:50:40Z")
Develop a good farting habit. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/11 "2008-01-30T19:53:48Z")
Oh, I’m way ahead of you there! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/12 "2008-01-30T19:58:57Z")
I was trying to compose a response but I was distracted by my nose bumping the monitor. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/13 "2008-01-30T19:59:14Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] If you back up, do they follow? [/QUOTE] Yeah, they follow. But if you say no augmentation, then that’s out. Maybe some very long sharp pencils tucked behind my ears? ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/14 "2008-01-30T20:07:27Z")
I recommend lunches heavy on the garlic. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/15 "2008-01-30T20:14:17Z")
It’s often an attempt to intmidate, like the salespeople who believe that touching you will help the sale, or standing so the light shines in your eyes. People hear, or read, these things and buy into it. LBJ used the invasion of personal space, to the point where he would actually step on the other persons shoes, so they couldn’t back away. Any of these have a negative effect on me and I won’t hesitate to call someone on it. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/16 "2008-01-30T20:20:29Z")
I find it almost comforting that they might have a “reason” for it. It’s just bewildering to think they would be too oblivious to notice me perpetually leaning backward with a look of alarm on my face. [QUOTE=runner pat] I was trying to compose a response but I was distracted by my nose bumping the monitor. 😃 [/QUOTE] _Cough!_ ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/17 "2008-01-30T20:20:31Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] Yeah, they follow. But if you say no augmentation, then that’s out. Maybe some very long sharp pencils tucked behind my ears? [/QUOTE] Pencils work. And hey, if you want temporary augmentation, pencils work for that, too. You’ll look like Madonna. I did a quick Google search on “dung beetle’s moron cow-orkers”, and got this. I wish I’d read it before my date with a low talker the other day. > [@](#): > > The Low Talker > > Signature trait: You find yourself nodding to nothing in particular. > > How to deal: “Ask the person to speak up,” says author, life coach and columnist Harriette Cole. “It would be ruder to stand and presumably talk to someone who expects a response from you. It’s far kinder to let them know you can’t understand them.” > > The Close Talker > > Signature trait: You can see their teeth – and smell their breath. > > How to deal: “Reposition your body and stand with your shoulder near the person,” says Ms. Cole. “This creates a bit of distance. Also, speak up. If you speak louder, the other person will usually back up.” > > The Inappropriate Talker > > Signature trait: They are either talking about someone behind their back or using racial slurs, and similar offensive speech. You don’t want to be caught talking to these people! > > How to deal: “This depends on your level of risk,” says Ms. Cole. “If it’s really offensive, say, ‘I’m sorry, this topic makes me uncomfortable.’ Try to personalize it and not attack the person. But I always believe in accountability, so I think it’s better to say something.” > > The Incessant Talker > > Signature trait: The person who won’t let you get a word in edgewise. > > How to deal: Just nod happily until you can get away. At least you get a break from talking for a while. Excusing yourself to the restroom is often the perfect getaway – unless, of course, they decide to follow you there. > > The Interrupter > > Signature trait: They finish your sentences or try to one-up you before you’re done with your story. > > How to deal: “If it’s a person you talk regularly with, you need to train them on how to talk to you,” says Ms. Cole. "Say, ‘Just a moment, I’d like to complete my thought.’ " > > The No Talker > > Signature trait: Are they even there? Hello? This person won’t hold up his or her end of the conversation. > > How to deal: “In a social setting, you don’t need to stay and try to talk to them,” says Ms. Cole. “The person may be distracted, or having a bad day, but you don’t need to subject yourself to that. Just say, ‘It’s been nice talking to you,’ and move on.” ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/18 "2008-01-30T20:30:15Z")
Now that sounds good! I know it’s sensible to just approach people directly about these problems, but I can’t see it working on these particular ladies without hurt feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/19 "2008-01-30T20:45:33Z")
Are they nearsighted and don’t want to wear glasses? I am nearsighted and find myself getting much closer to people to talk when I’m not wearing mine, probably because I’m trying to get close enough to be able to see them. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2008, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618/20 "2008-01-30T20:48:47Z")
I understand it’s sometimes difficult to set boundaries with someone who is really pretty nice. I just had a meeting with someone who is not a close talker, but a close monitor watcher. She must need glasses. Whenever I showed her something on my computer, she leaned WAY in for a closer look. Her face was about two inches from mine, and I couldn’t get to my mouse without copping a feel. She’s as nice as can be so it seemed inappropriate to say “Hey, back off, Slutty McSlut.” I just had to do the lean, and gave her an odd look until she backed off enough so that could grab my mouse without initiating a harassment complaint. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/back-off/435618.md?page=2)