# Backwoods Wedding Invitations **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 25, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049 "2004-05-25T20:13:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/41 "2004-05-26T18:56:16Z")
This wedding sounds made in heaven for _several_submissions to the [url=www.etiquettehell.com](http://url=www.etiquettehell.com) website – Tacky Invitations, Gift Grab, and of course Weddings from Hell, although perhaps Just Plain Tacky might cover it all. I think you should take **bambi** _and_ \*_eve_, though, as Mrs. Bear\_Napples and the _other_ Mrs. Bear\_Napples!! Heck, what’s a little polygamy among cousins? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/42 "2004-05-26T18:57:52Z")
Okay, let me try that link again. Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/43 "2004-05-26T19:19:15Z")
**Bear\_Napples** (Oh, like you didn’t know we’d start calling you this when you posted it!) I too think you need to take both **Bambi** and **Eve** to the wedding. One could be the Mrs. and one could be the Mrs. mommer. “We brung mommer along cuz she don’t git a chance to git out much.” We’ll let **Bambi** and **Eve** fight it out over who gets to be whom. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JayElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@JayElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JayElle)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/44 "2004-05-26T19:53:13Z")
I recall the backwoods wedding where I served as reluctant bridesmaid in a teal shepherdess dress. The rehearsal dinner consisted of Kentucky Fried Chicken. No plates, no napkins, just a bucket of KFC and a roll of paper towels. Now backwoods funerals are _really_ entertaining. Junior, a distant cousin, was on compassionate leave from the county jail to attend his uncle’s funeral. Junior felt that the graveside service was the _perfect_ place to hit on my mother with a sassy and suave, “ah aw-ways did like red-haids.” ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/45 "2004-05-26T20:00:18Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **Bear\_Napples** (Oh, like you didn’t know we’d start calling you this when you posted it!) I too think you need to take both **Bambi** and **Eve** to the wedding. One could be the Mrs. and one could be the Mrs. mommer. Ooh, drag! I love drag. As an aside, **swampbear** , I’m a bear like **Bear** isn’t. To be specific, I’m a gay guy. I just like the name **Bambi**. [Bambi](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0034492/) was a boy too, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/46 "2004-05-26T20:18:45Z")
Oh, that’s even better, **Bambi**! **Bear\_Napples** can take **Eve** as Mrs. Bear\_Napples and you can go along as Mr. Bear\_Napples! Hey, you got married in Massachusetts! 😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/47 "2004-05-26T20:19:06Z")
> [@Bambi Hassenpfeffer](#): > > Ooh, drag! I love drag. As an aside, **swampbear** , I’m a bear like **Bear** isn’t. To be specific, I’m a gay guy. I just like the name **Bambi**. [Bambi](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0034492/) was a boy too, you know. Well, personally **Bambi** I think you’d make a perfectly lovely Mrs. Bear\_Napples. 😃 Oh, and I already had that other part all figured out. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/48 "2004-05-26T20:27:35Z")
> [@Mama Tiger](#): > > Oh, that’s even better, **Bambi**! **Bear\_Napples** can take **Eve** as Mrs. Bear\_Napples and you can go along as Mr. Bear\_Napples! Hey, you got married in Massachusetts! 😃😃 Oh **Mama Tiger** that is just too too too perfect! I bow before your genius. I’d be willing to bet the bride and groom would think Massachusettes is a foreign country. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/49 "2004-05-26T21:08:42Z")
Loving this thread! > [@CaveMike](#): > > So what in all tarnation do you get the lucky bride and groom that has dag-near everything (including 8 kids)? > [@Ashkicker](#): > > Birth control. Tea…everywhere. Shirt, bra, jeans, keyboard, monitor, desk, down into the pen cup: everywhere. Thanks. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Phedre\_no\_Delaunay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/839c29/32.png) [@Phedre\_no\_Delaunay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phedre_no_Delaunay)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/50 "2004-05-26T21:46:51Z")
For the covered dish, how about [Macaroni and Cheese and Hotdog Casserole](http://www.oddtodd.com/tuesday15.html)? ---
**Author:** ![Stainz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stainz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stainz)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/51 "2004-05-26T21:55:45Z")
Oh great … just sent a link to this thread to my S/O, **McDeath** to give him a chuckle, and he told me to laugh now, because his family reunion this summer will be a lot like this couple’s wedding! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/52 "2004-05-26T22:01:32Z")
> [@Phèdre nó Delaunay](#): > > For the covered dish, how about [Macaroni and Cheese and Hotdog Casserole](http://www.oddtodd.com/tuesday15.html)? If Bear\_Napples showed up with that, he’d be talked about as the rich relations puttin’ on airs with his fancy vittles. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/53 "2004-05-26T22:05:09Z")
‘Sides, we all knows it aint’ countryfied cookin’ unless that thur casserole has a tater-chip crust. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/54 "2004-05-26T22:08:01Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > ‘Sides, we all knows it aint’ countryfied cookin’ unless that thur casserole has a tater-chip crust. That is less’n yew kin crumble up a sleeve of saltines or them ritz crackers on it. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/55 "2004-05-26T22:13:52Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > That is less’n yew kin crumble up a sleeve of saltines or them ritz crackers on it. Ritz? Thems next to the g-nerics? 😕 You must shop at that fancy Hoggly Woggly. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/56 "2004-05-26T22:16:25Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > Ritz? > Thems next to the g-nerics? 😕 > You must shop at that fancy Hoggly Woggly. 😛 Well, that was a waste of my 666th post. :dubious: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/57 "2004-05-26T22:42:40Z")
[quoteOh Mama Tiger that is just too too too perfect! I bow before your genius.[/quote] Why, thankee kindly, Sir Swampy. We aims to please. My grandmother once fixed a casserole in which a staple ingredient was mayonnaise, and lots of it – two cups, as I recall. That would be _perfect_ for this reception! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/58 "2004-05-26T22:43:44Z")
Dammit! Twice in one thread! Preview is your friend. Preview is your friend. Preview is your friend. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/59 "2004-05-26T22:54:10Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > Ritz? > Thems next to the g-nerics? 😕 > You must shop at that fancy Hoggly Woggly. 😛 Well dagnabbit woman! If yer gonna fix fer a weddin’ recepshun yew needs ta use the fancy ingreediants. This ain’t no tahm fer scrimpin! 😃 Why **Mizz Mama Tiger** you all are just entirely too welcome. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049/60 "2004-05-26T22:55:04Z")
We got an in-vite once to what was clearly described on the invitation as a “Wedding and Pig Roast”. I thought it sounded like a damn good idea, myself. Bad poetry is a staple of the redneck wedding. When one of my friends got married (it was a bit classier than the OP, but the reception did feature fried chicken from Hardee’s), there was bad, poorly-scanning poetry on just about every available surface. I used to play the piano at weddings when I was growing up in Asscrack, KY, and I can assure you that the drunken redneck brawl is a vast improvement over the standard wedding in that part of the country. That wedding features a brief, entirely unoriginal service at the church, followed by a reception at the fellowship hall with cake, those little mints, a punch made of Hawaiian Punch, 7-up, and lime sherbet (no booze–they’re good Baptists, you see), and absolutely no one having a good time. Give me a pig in the ground, some beer on ice, and all my rowdy friends any day of the week. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/backwoods-wedding-invitations/247049.md?page=4)