# Bad Advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 14, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461 "2003-10-14T22:16:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/41 "2003-10-15T14:41:03Z")
"When going to a party, Bring trail mix for snacks! Crunchy roughage Hides carpet tacks! Doesn’t matter what name you yell out - she’ll know you’re thinking of her. Look, if his mom’s a slut, he DESERVES to be told straight out. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/42 "2003-10-15T15:25:56Z")
During the job interview, make sure the interviewer knows you’ll be spending most of your time on the SDMB. They’ll appreciate your candor and everyone will make allowances for it after you get the job. ---
**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/43 "2003-10-15T15:54:18Z")
Your date would be proud to know that you’re taking care of your health! All that garlic and onion smell would make her mouth water too! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/44 "2003-10-15T16:48:57Z")
Sure, lead that stallion past the mare herd. I don’t think more than half of them are in heat, and of course he’ll behave with just a piece of baling twine around his neck. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/45 "2003-10-15T17:17:14Z")
For a lively evening… 1. Slice, seed and chop 8 oz. Habenero peppers barehanded. 2. Rub eyes vigorously. 3. Masturbate. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/46 "2003-10-15T17:31:43Z")
1. Perform prostate massage. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/47 "2003-10-15T18:33:01Z")
You want to learn how to shoe horses? Hey, it’s easy! Why don’t you take this mustang I caught on the range yesterday, and you trim his hind hooves. No, I don’t know if he’s halter-broke. Why don’t you put him on the crossties and see? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/48 "2003-10-15T18:54:38Z")
Get your bo-tox injections in a dark alley–it’s cheaper! Collect your local telephone books. If you don’t use them and put them in individual plastic bags, they will be very valuable someday. Get your aggressions out by writing threatening letters to public officials. Be specific and very detailed in how you will blackmail/dismember/kill them–it’s a great stress reliever. ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/49 "2003-10-15T19:38:42Z")
Save money! Try home dentistry. All you need is an electric drill, a file or two, some putty, a hacksaw, and a mirror. Have fun! It’s educational! Set your alarm clock to keep Singapore time. That way, when you wake up, you’ll know what time it is in Singapore. If you still have any old LPs lying around, they can be played in an ordinary CD player if you simply cut off the edges so they’re the right size. Consider wearing nothing but a loincloth to work. Just because. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/50 "2003-10-15T22:02:39Z")
Need more storage room under the cellar stairs? Just saw off those posts underneath – that will clear out a big area. Does your car’s engine sound funny? Start it up, put it in neutral – or better yet, in drive – then lie down in front of it so you can hear it better. Are you getting sick of that skunk nesting under your porch? Get a broom and whack it out – it will run away if you’re firm with it. ---
**Author:** ![hybrid\_dogfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a587f6/32.png) [@hybrid\_dogfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hybrid_dogfish)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/51 "2003-10-15T22:20:19Z")
Take up smoking, it’ll make you waaay more attractive ---
**Author:** ![french\_frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c77e96/32.png) [@french\_frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/french_frog)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/52 "2003-10-15T22:20:58Z")
Express your feelings keeps you from rumaging bad ideas, they need to come out. Next time you get pulled on the road, tell exactly what do think of the policeman. This works with your wife and your boss, two. You’ll feel liberated. “alcohol, the cause and solution to all our problems” \* Homer Simpson \* … and remember : violence is the solution to everything. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/53 "2003-10-15T22:27:05Z")
That alligator isn’t moving, I think he’s dead. Let’s go poke him with a stick. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/54 "2003-10-15T22:40:09Z")
Yah, Roy, trust me…if that tiger gives you any shit, just rap him on the nose with your microphone… ---
**Author:** ![Single\_Serving\_Friend](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Single\_Serving\_Friend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Single_Serving_Friend)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/55 "2003-10-16T01:44:56Z")
Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a Highway Traffic Cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/56 "2003-10-16T01:56:46Z")
Every time you switch your computer off, buy a new one. Make it so that when you turn your steering wheel right, the car goes left. Play russian roulette with a full magazine. ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/57 "2003-10-16T02:03:56Z")
Cats enjoy being thrown in the air and caught. The insane clawing motion just means “I love you and I am enjoying your thoughtful attempts to please me” in kitten-ese. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/58 "2003-10-16T02:13:46Z")
Bloody coincidences - I posted “Play russian roulette” minutes later someone played it on tv. The program was about addiction to smoking. then I opened this thread again, top of the page “Take up smoking” Bad advice - form a religeon based on coincidences. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/59 "2003-10-16T02:20:03Z")
Bloody coincidences - I posted “Play russian roulette” minutes later someone played it on tv. The program was about addiction to smoking. then I opened this thread again, top of the page “Take up smoking” Bad advice - form a religeon based on coincidences. ---
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461/60 "2003-10-16T04:39:25Z")
> [@](#): > > ALWAYS put salt in your eyes. Is this from a TV show or movie? It sounds very familiar, but I can’t quite place it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-advice/207461.md?page=4)