# Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2010, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518 "2010-03-15T04:12:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/181 "2010-03-16T20:16:27Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > Sorry, no. And even if I’d concede this point, Twickster was having a sexual _relationship_ with the guy. My bad; my browser window cut the last part of that sentence down to the next line and I somehow missed it. Sorry 'bout that. I still stand by the rest of my post. Unless someone does reply with a post number for the answer. In which case I’ll just smack my head with my keyboard repeatedly. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/182 "2010-03-16T20:18:31Z")
Yeah, I’d definitely agree that they have a relationship, just a casual, sexual, non exclusive one. Nothing wrong with that. Well, except, as I said, this guy has proven to have bad judgment either way. Herpes, my friends, _herpes_. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/183 "2010-03-16T20:18:41Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > What was she doing at his place? He broke it off with her in December, supposedly. Maybe he’s just a super nice guy and lets his ex-girlfriends hang out at his apartment when he’s not around. and he could have had a party, and she showed up with a bunch of other people, and wandered off and read his emails. I have been known to throw parties and have uninvited people show up to it. Though I always log my computer off when I am not using it. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/184 "2010-03-16T20:20:12Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > and he could have had a party, and she showed up with a bunch of other people, and wandered off and read his emails. > > I have been known to throw parties and have uninvited people show up to it. Though I always log my computer off when I am not using it. And if your idiot friends brought an alleged psycho bitch who has been stalking your life, you’d still let her in your house? Once again: regardless of the truth here, homie has terrible judgment. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/185 "2010-03-16T20:21:01Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > So, we assume Maria is a big ol psycho whore bitch\*- fine. The question still remains: > > If they’ve been broken up since December, **how did Maria get on his computer?** Making no predictions, but “snuck onto his laptop while no one was looking while people were hanging out at a mutual friends’ for a party” or something similar has happened in my circle of friends more than once. Last time, this happened with an added dose of “someone secondhand-invited her, and the hosts and the sane ex decided to keep the peace for the sake of not ruining New Year’s”. > [@](#): > > \*Funny enough, I’ve noticed this is sleaze ball defense numero uno: “OMG, SHE’S SO FUCKING CRAZY!!!1111!!! I DONT EVEN KNOW HER I DONT THINK I’VE EVER EVEN MET HER AND LIKE, SHE STALKS MY LIFE OMGGGGGGGG SHE’S SOOOO PSYCHOOOO.” Funny, those poor, sweet men who are fucking anything with a slit always get the crazy girls stalking them-- probably because they are such awesome lays With great power comes great responsibility. . . Eh, it’s 50-50 and pick 'em these days. Sleazeball guys are nothing new, but women who make up stories about their relationship status, or a rape, or whatever are becoming more prevalent as their likelihood of such stories having a measurable effect increases. Not saying this is a bad thing, but it’s out there. As far as I’m concerned, the only person who has enough data to even begin to evaluate who’s telling the truth here is **twickster**. Aside from her tone being a bit harsh given the circumstances, I don’t think she’s done anything wrong in terms of what she’s reported so far in this thread, either. > [@](#): > > Yeah, I’d definitely agree that they have a relationship, just a casual, sexual, non exclusive one. Nothing wrong with that. > > Well, except, as I said, this guy has proven to have bad judgment either way. Herpes, my friends, herpes. This, on the other hand, is pretty much a rock solid observation. –Z, has a single actually crazy ex, which is remarkable given my college dating habits ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/186 "2010-03-16T20:24:31Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > **Dio** , you’ve made it clear in the years you’ve been here and responded to threads that you are a bona fide expert in relationships that are exactly like yours in the moral particulars, and that in your opinion relationships that are not exactly like yours are immoral, silly, immature, or some combination thereof. I submit that doesn’t exactly make you Dr. Ruth. I’ve never claimed to be Dr. Ruth, but I’ve never said anything about relationships you couldn’t take to the bank (not that I’ve said all that much, just the most obvious things that anyone in a relationship learns). I’ve also never said that relationships that “are not like mine” are any of the adjectives you ascribe to me. It hasn’t happened. Please don’t make stuff up. Not this thread has a fucking thing to do with relationships. > [@](#): > > –Z, knows far more women who’ve pulled something like Maria to destroy a guy’s life than he knows guys who lie about their extant commitments, observation worth exactly as much as any other anecdote. What do you think Maria “pulled” exactly, and how do you know what the guys you know have lied about? Not this has anything to do with thread either since not a single person in it has said that Maria couldn’t be lying. That whole angle is a red herring, and a distraction from the essential issues. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/187 "2010-03-16T20:31:59Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > If her approach actually is, “I like cock, he has one, so that’s the end of my analysis,” then I agree she’s done all she needs to do. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > And that goes back to “what steps to you need to take to make sure the guy you are having a casual relationship with is telling the truth?” It depends completely on how much you care about fucking someone who is in a relationship. If you don’t care at all, then “None.” If you do care, then “Some reasonable steps.” ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/188 "2010-03-16T20:36:02Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Not this has anything to do with thread either since not a single person in it has said that Maria couldn’t be lying. That whole angle is a red herring, and a distraction from the essential issues. Sure, which are that **twickster** could maybe have been less blunt in her e-mail, and that some people think being bleakly amused at the irony of not caring juxtaposed with Maria’s apparent severe care is off-putting. Oh, and your contention that believing Maria is the only possible good course because twickster’s relationship with JP is so obvious from what’s been said that she obviously can’t 100% trust him. There’s that. > [@](#): > > I’ve also never said that relationships that “are not like mine” are any of the adjectives you ascribe to me. I’m too lazy to toss this where it belongs, but dude, you flat out called poly relationships immature a few months back, and it wasn’t even the first time. Seriously, who do you think you’re kidding. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/189 "2010-03-16T20:45:23Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > Sure, which are that **twickster** could maybe have been less blunt in her e-mail, Not less blunt, less sneering and condescending. > [@](#): > > and that some people think being bleakly amused at the irony of not caring juxtaposed with Maria’s apparent severe care is off-putting. Yes, being amused at other people’s pain is off-putting. > [@](#): > > Oh, and your contention that believing Maria is the only possible good course because twickster’s relationship with JP is so obvious from what’s been said that she obviously can’t 100% trust him. There’s that. I didn’t say anyone should be believed. I’m saying since she doesn’t know what’s going on with this guy, she should probably stop fucking him until she does, > [@](#): > > I’m too lazy to toss this where it belongs, but dude, you flat out called poly relationships immature a few months back, and it wasn’t even the first time. Seriously, who do you think you’re kidding. Sure I did, but you accused me of saying that about any relationships that “aren’t like mine.” That’s not true. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/190 "2010-03-16T21:47:40Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > And that is the point. Why would Maria’s version of the truth be more valid than JPs? No, that’s not the point. You said that the logic of one person defining a relationship escaped you, or words to that effect. Now, for the third or fourth time I ask you : Where has anyone advanced that argument? Where has anyone said that Maria gets to decide if the relationship is monogamous? Exactly where do you see that logic that is so confusing? ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/191 "2010-03-16T21:53:49Z")
The title of the thread kind of set the tone for the OP, no? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/192 "2010-03-16T22:00:15Z")
> [@Savannah](#): > > I think it’s information Maria needs to know, with regards to sexually transmitted diseases. Yep. She didn’t have the information she needed to make a fully-informed decision about her sexual health. Knowing your boyfriend (of several years or not) is having sex with other women, protected or unprotected, might influence your own insistence on a condom. Or getting HPV shots. Or not screwing him at all. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/193 "2010-03-16T22:18:13Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > It depends completely on how much you care about fucking someone who is in a relationship. If you don’t care at all, then “None.” If you do care, then “Some reasonable steps.” Please outline what steps are reasonable to ensure that the guy you are interested in a casual relationship is not monogamously involved with someone else? Cause asking a slimeball does no good - and having had poor judgment in the past on slimeballs, my own slimeball radar is not 100% (not that I intend to have casual sex anytime soon, but my husband might end his end of our commitment eventually, and a girl needs a backup plan for nookie). And background checks are rather invasive and really don’t tell you much unless he actually is married. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/194 "2010-03-16T22:20:11Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > No, that’s not the point. You said that the logic of one person defining a relationship escaped you, or words to that effect. Now, for the third or fourth time I ask you : Where has anyone advanced that argument? Where has anyone said that Maria gets to decide if the relationship is monogamous? Exactly where do you see that logic that is so confusing? I think you are misunderstanding my point. My point is that if Maria is claiming the relationship is committed, when it is NOT, then Maria does not get to define the terms of the relationship. IF we believe Maria, she is defining the terms of the relationship. IF we believe JP, he is defining the terms of the relationship. Since it takes two people to make a committed relationship…Maria can’t possibly have been in one, even if she THINKS she was. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/195 "2010-03-16T22:21:58Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Not less blunt, less sneering and condescending. > > Yes, being amused at other people’s pain is off-putting. You really can’t see a difference between “I’m doing a guy that this other chick loves and now other chick is hurt, whee!” and “Random stranger tells me something they think will be completely earth-shattering, but it’s just kind of…not. heh.” at all? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/196 "2010-03-16T22:28:07Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Please outline what steps are reasonable to ensure that the guy you are interested in a casual relationship is not monogamously involved with someone else? Ask people he knows. Find out where he lives and who he lives with. If he never wants to meet you at his own place, then that’s a red flag. If you do go to his house, it shouldn’t be difficult to assertain he he lives with. If you don’t know him well enough to to who he lives with, or to know anyone else that knows him, then you don’t know him well enough to fuck him. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/197 "2010-03-16T22:32:02Z")
> [@Queen\_Tonya](#): > > You really can’t see a difference between “I’m doing a guy that this other chick loves and now other chick is hurt, whee!” and “Random stranger tells me something they think will be completely earth-shattering, but it’s just kind of…not. heh.” at all? Not when what the other person thinks might be “earth-shattering” is that the guy you’re banging is cheating on someone else, no. Not funny. Even in the best light, it’s laughing at somebody’s well meaning desire to give you information that could be fairly significant. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/198 "2010-03-16T22:33:19Z")
Count me in as somebody who can’t believe he used the ol’ “Crazy bitch got a hold of my laptop!” line. The only thing that tops my incredulity of that is the fact that anybody bought it. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/199 "2010-03-16T22:33:26Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I think you are misunderstanding my point. My point is that if Maria is claiming the relationship is committed, when it is NOT, then Maria does not get to define the terms of the relationship. And nobody here has said she does, assuming those conditions. > [@](#): > > IF we believe Maria, she is defining the terms of the relationship. No, if we believe Maria, they\* both\* agreed to be monogamous, and JP cheated and lied. > [@](#): > > IF we believe JP, he is defining the terms of the relationship. Since it takes two people to make a committed relationship…Maria can’t possibly have been in one, even if she THINKS she was. If and only if we believe JP. But that goes without saying. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/200 "2010-03-16T22:34:02Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I think you are misunderstanding my point. My point is that if Maria is claiming the relationship is committed, when it is NOT, then Maria does not get to define the terms of the relationship. IF we believe Maria, she is defining the terms of the relationship. IF we believe JP, he is defining the terms of the relationship. Since it takes two people to make a committed relationship…Maria can’t possibly have been in one, even if she THINKS she was. But what about if JP told _Maria_ that yes, they were in a committed relationship? If you’re going to say that it still means she technically was not in a committed relationship… well that just sounds like nitpicking one point instead of seeing the overall issue of him lying to her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518.md?page=11)