# Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2010, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518 "2010-03-15T04:12:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/101 "2010-03-16T06:52:31Z")
So, **twickster** , are you going to continue to see this “bad boy”? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/102 "2010-03-16T11:04:24Z")
How do you solve a problem like Maria? ---
**Author:** ![Southern\_Yankee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/southern_yankee/32/2800_2.png) [@Southern\_Yankee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southern_Yankee)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/103 "2010-03-16T12:16:13Z")
Seems fairly obvious to me like JP is just sleeping with **Twickster** to get to the President. Oh wait, that would be an episode of _24_… ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/104 "2010-03-16T12:24:11Z")
I don’t understand the whole fighting over rotten meat thing. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/105 "2010-03-16T12:34:00Z")
Sp, **twickster** says: > [@](#): > > And, yes, he and I are still okay, because I still don’t see what the Maria thing has to do with me. But she also says: > [@](#): > > I don’t fuck married men, or men who are in committed relationships with other women. And goes on to assure us that she’s not doing so here. But to reach that conclusion, she relies on the word of good ol’ Lochinvar: > [@](#): > > She claimed to have met him around the same time I did, meaning there was not an existing relationship when he and I first hooked up (and, according to JP, she was lying about that, whatever relationship there was having started one year ago, not four). Wherever there’s a conflict between Maria and J.P. Lochinvar, she credits JP as truthful. I’m not so sure I agree with that. But one fact might change my mind. Was Maria copied on the “She’s crazy” e-mail JP sent to you, **twickster**? If she was, then I agree that Maria’s making shit up and that JP is (at least now) not in a committed relationship. If she wasn’t, then I fail to see why you would believe that he’s not telling Maria, “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s all over now,” or some variant of “NOW I really love you and you alone.” ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/106 "2010-03-16T12:40:53Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The correct thing to do is assume she’s lying and ignore any possibility that you could be inflicting suffering? The correct thing to do is to tell her the truth. Perhaps you like people to sugar coat stuff, but I don’t. I don’t want someone giving feeding me bullshit so they don’t hurt my feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/107 "2010-03-16T12:48:56Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > The correct thing to do is to tell her the truth. > > Perhaps you like people to sugar coat stuff, but I don’t. I don’t want someone giving feeding me bullshit so they don’t hurt my feelings. Fine. You DO look fat in those pants. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/108 "2010-03-16T12:52:41Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > The correct thing to do is to tell her the truth. > > Perhaps you like people to sugar coat stuff, but I don’t. I don’t want someone giving feeding me bullshit so they don’t hurt my feelings. I don’t understand why people seem to think there’s a huge, uncrossable gap between tact and truth. You can tell the truth and still be tactful. It’s not impossible. One easy way is avoiding referring to someone’s possibly very justified pain as “your drama.” Another is not tacking on some rather nasty unsolicited advice at the end of one’s email. See? Easy Peasy. Honest, but without the extra dash of jerk! You do not have to be cruel to be truthful; it’s just an excuse people use when they’re amused by their own cruelty. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/109 "2010-03-16T12:57:48Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > You do not have to be cruel to be truthful; it’s just an excuse people use when they’re amused by their own cruelty. Or maybe I’m just tactless. I’m not at all clear why people are taking my amusement at the situation – which at least a few of you are willing to admit is kind of funny as a situation of “here’s a bombshell!” and “nope, sorry, no it isn’t” – and insisting that I’m taunting her or in any way expressing that amusement to her. And, **Bricker** , yes, obviously JP and I will be having further discussions about what happened, and I will not make any decisions about my future relationship with him until after those discussions. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/110 "2010-03-16T13:05:41Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Considering that someone he supposedly hasn’t seen for two months “somehow got into his laptop,” I don’t really think JP is the believable one in this situation. But maybe that’s just me; maybe other people frequently give their laptop and all of their passwords to exes that they haven’t seen for two months. What do I know? Why do you assume he gave her the laptop or granted access at all? It is entirely plausible, perhaps even likely, that she was snooping on his computer while he was away from it. Most people aren’t very security aware anyway, so it is reasonable to think it was already logged on. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/111 "2010-03-16T13:10:09Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > I don’t understand why people seem to think there’s a huge, uncrossable gap between tact and truth. You can tell the truth and still be tactful. It’s not impossible. One easy way is avoiding referring to someone’s possibly very justified pain as “your drama.” Another is not tacking on some rather nasty unsolicited advice at the end of one’s email. See? Easy Peasy. Honest, but without the extra dash of jerk! > > You do not have to be cruel to be truthful; it’s just an excuse people use when they’re amused by their own cruelty. I understand perfectly and don’t see the issue here. I doubt that Twickster was being intentionally cruel and I do see the humor in the overall situation. No, I don’t find it funny that this woman could be, allegedly, maybe, suffering, but the entire situation is ridiculous. Then again, I’m not particularly empathetic to someone who wants to drop their drama on my head. I’m as likely as not to have told this woman that I didn’t want any part of this drama and leave me the fuck alone. In just so many words, too. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/112 "2010-03-16T13:47:53Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > I’m as likely as not to have told this woman that I didn’t want any part of this drama and leave me the fuck alone. In just so many words, too. People who witness car crashes generally don’t want to be a part of the drama, either. Like it or not, she is a part of this. Sure, it was an unwitting and unchosen part, but a part none the less. Any decent person would say what needs to be said in a tactful way before gracefully bowing out. I’m not sure what is “ridiculous” about finding out your long-term committed boyfriend has been cheating on you with a variety of people, and wanting to know the full story. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/113 "2010-03-16T14:06:13Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > Why do you assume he gave her the laptop or granted access at all? > > It is entirely plausible, perhaps even likely, that she was snooping on his computer while he was away from it. Most people aren’t very security aware anyway, so it is reasonable to think it was already logged on. What was she doing at his place? He broke it off with her in December, supposedly. Maybe he’s just a super nice guy and lets his ex-girlfriends hang out at his apartment when he’s not around. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/114 "2010-03-16T14:06:21Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > The correct thing to do is to tell her the truth. In a tone of sneering condescension, thn going to laugh at her on a message board, then continuing to fuck her boyfriend (and is she telling Maria THAT?). ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/115 "2010-03-16T14:11:24Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Or maybe I’m just tactless. I’m not at all clear why people are taking my amusement at the situation You’re the only one taking amusement. > [@](#): > > – which at least a few of you are willing to admit is kind of funny as a situation of “here’s a bombshell!” and “nope, sorry, no it isn’t” – and insisting that I’m taunting her or in any way expressing that amusement to her. You are, and no, there’s nothing amusing about it. You seem to think that the situation could only possibly be harmful if it’s harmful to you personally. > [@](#): > > And, **Bricker** , yes, obviously JP and I will be having further discussions about what happened, and I will not make any decisions about my future relationship with him until after those discussions. You’re backtracking a little, but what reliable information do you expect to gain from that discussion? Are you just going to take his word for everything? ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/116 "2010-03-16T14:13:02Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > People who witness car crashes generally don’t want to be a part of the drama, either. Like it or not, she is a part of this. Sure, it was an unwitting and unchosen part, but a part none the less. Any decent person would say what needs to be said in a tactful way before gracefully bowing out. The reality here is that if Maria didn’t want to know the facts, she wouldn’t have asked. And if she wasn’t prepared to hear the unvarnished truth, she shouldn’t have asked. I’m not saying tact isn’t called for. But at the same time, why sugar coat the situation? Did Twickster make some mistakes in her response? Probably. But people seem to want to burn her at the stake for it. That’s ridiculous too. Reflecting on this, I’m more likely to have said that I’m not going to get involved in this situationa and that she should talk to JP instead. I’d also have asked her to not contact me again. > [@](#): > > I’m not sure what is “ridiculous” about finding out your long-term committed boyfriend has been cheating on you with a variety of people, and wanting to know the full story. He Said - She Said. And since the old saw “every story has 3 sides” is often true, we don’t know the whole story and we’re really in no position to believe either of the parties. Maybe JP is a douchebag. Or maybe he’s not and Maria is harassing him. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/117 "2010-03-16T14:13:44Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > I understand perfectly and don’t see the issue here. I doubt that Twickster was being intentionally cruel and I do see the humor in the overall situation. No, I don’t find it funny that this woman could be, allegedly, maybe, suffering, but the entire situation is ridiculous. > > Then again, I’m not particularly empathetic to someone who wants to drop their drama on my head. I’m as likely as not to have told this woman that I didn’t want any part of this drama and leave me the fuck alone. In just so many words, too. You think that you fucking somebody else’s SO is them “dropping drama on youir head?” You think that continuing to fuck someone’s SO is staying out of the drama? ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/118 "2010-03-16T14:16:17Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Are you just going to take his word for everything? If Twickster has a trust based relationship with JP, there is no reason for Twickster to do anything except take what he says at face value. And there’s no reason to accept that what this woman is saying about a “long term” relationship is true. I think the entire situation is retarded and people’s reaction to Twickster’s response is well, something I can’t really say here in this particular forum. Stab Twickster some more, Dio. I’m sure you’re getting a kick out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/119 "2010-03-16T14:18:57Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > And since the old saw “every story has 3 sides” is often true, we don’t know the whole story and we’re really in no position to believe either of the parties. > > Maybe JP is a douchebag. Or maybe he’s not and Maria is harassing him. Yes, the smart thing to do is assume the girlfriend is a lying slut and continue fucking her boyfriend. That’s the most ethical and compassionate way to operate. But on the other hand, what if the baby turns out to be Hitler? ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518/120 "2010-03-16T14:24:12Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You think that you fucking somebody else’s SO is them “dropping drama on youir head?” You think that continuing to fuck someone’s SO is staying out of the drama? Please explain why the fuck you believe a single word of what this woman is saying? You’re making up facts here. Not suprising coming from you, but it’s still bullshit. All we know is some random stranger is _claiming_ she has a long term relationship with JP. I don’t know how it works in Dio world, but in my world, I’m not taking the word of a stranger as truthful without more data to prove that. Especially when someone I actually know and (probably) consider a friend tells me that what she’s saying is bullshit. This is all of the data we have. And there is no way to make any further reasonable assessments about the veracity or motives of the parties involved. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-boys-bad-boys-whatcha-gonna-do/532518.md?page=7)