# Bad Christmas Songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 20, 2007, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678 "2007-12-20T05:13:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/21 "2007-12-20T15:28:38Z")
[QUOTE=Wheeljack] But the worst has to be “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Just about every line of this song has some sort of logical inconsistency in it. First of all, of course the Africans that give a crap know it’s Christmas. A lot of them aren’t even Christians and thus probably don’t care. [/QUOTE] I had the same line of reasoning until I read that the song was written specifically to help starving people in Ethiopia, a predominantly Christian nation. Although I am puzzled as to why the song includes the line “Thank God it’s them instead of you.” I thought we were supposed to feel for them, not feel better than them. As for _Christmas Shoes_, I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t care if you’re wearing nice shoes or not when you die- unless I just overlooked the part of the Bible where it says “no shirt, no shoes, no service” (or as Rev. Lovejoy put it, “no shirt, no shoes, no salvation”). ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/22 "2007-12-20T15:33:46Z")
If I never hear **“Jingle Bell Rock”** or **“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”** again in my lifetime, my Christmases will be much merrier. I’m sure those songs were cute and had some novelty once. For twenty minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/23 "2007-12-20T15:38:20Z")
Y’all can relax, because I win this thread. I declare victory based on the song [“I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek”](http://www.stomptokyo.com/extras/DalekXmas.mp3) by the Go Gos (not the Belinda Carlisle Go-Gos, an earlier British pop band). Listen and be dumbfounded. I’d also like to hear some reactions to this one, which I heard for the first time just the other day: [“Dominic the Donkey”](http://www.hostropolis.com/april/mp3/xmas/dominic.mp3) by Lou Monte. It’s actually growing on me, kinda like “I Want A Hippopotamus”, for its goofiness. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/24 "2007-12-20T15:53:51Z")
I’ve been out of Big Box Bookstore Christmas Music Jail for two seasons, now and still this thread has me breaking into a cold sweat. Imagine the worst of these revolving around and around, over and over and over, 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, for _two freakin’ months!_ Worst of the worst? I’d rather suffocate in an avalanche that ever again have to listen to Rosemary Clooney yammering on about… \*Snow I’ll soon be there with snow I’ll wash my hair with snow And with a spade of snow I’ll build a man that’s made of snow\* :mad: ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/25 "2007-12-20T15:55:17Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] I had the same line of reasoning until I read that the song was written specifically to help starving people in Ethiopia, a predominantly Christian nation. Although I am puzzled as to why the song includes the line “Thank God it’s them instead of you.” I thought we were supposed to feel for them, not feel better than them. [/QUOTE] I was under the impression that line was meant kind of ironically, as in “Aren’t you GRATEFUL you’re so privileged? Shouldn’t you do something to help those who aren’t?” ---
**Author:** ![xnylder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbce88/32.png) [@xnylder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xnylder)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/26 "2007-12-20T15:56:28Z")
[QUOTE=Max Torque] Y’all can relax, because I win this thread. I declare victory based on the song [“I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek”](http://www.stomptokyo.com/extras/DalekXmas.mp3) by the Go Gos (not the Belinda Carlisle Go-Gos, an earlier British pop band). Listen and be dumbfounded. [/QUOTE] That’s hilarious! OK, I can understand it getting annoying after a couple of dozen listens, but you’ve just found me a new favorite Xmas tune! EXTERMINATE ELVES, EXTERMINATE… ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/27 "2007-12-20T16:00:04Z")
[QUOTE=ultrafilter] I heard["I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtqIM_bPTws) at the grocery store yesterday. If this song didn’t mention Christmas, I don’t think anyone would ever listen to it even once. What is it about Christmas music that causes otherwise reasonable people to lose any sense of good taste? [/QUOTE] Hey, that’s my daughter’s favorite Christmas song! But then, she’s eight and has shit taste in music. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/28 "2007-12-20T16:06:15Z")
Yeah, I like it too. ---
**Author:** ![Wheeljack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@Wheeljack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheeljack)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/29 "2007-12-20T16:07:25Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] And, while it isn’t specificcally Christmas, I really hate all versions of **Baby, it’s Cold Outside**. [/QUOTE] Ah, yes, the Date Rape Song. Say, what’s in this drink? [QUOTE=Pithy Moniker] I’ve always hated Feliz Navidad. It’s the same 4 lines OVER AND OVER AND OVER. [/QUOTE] Have you heard Charro’s rendition from Pee-Wee’s Christmas Special? She would very much like to wish you a Meddy Ceesmas from the bottle of her nuts. [QUOTE=Pee-Wee Herman] Felee Blaablablaah! [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/30 "2007-12-20T16:11:35Z")
[QUOTE=ultrafilter] I heard["I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtqIM_bPTws) at the grocery store yesterday. If this song didn’t mention Christmas, I don’t think anyone would ever listen to it even once. What is it about Christmas music that causes otherwise reasonable people to lose any sense of good taste? [/QUOTE] I love that song and sing along with it at the top of my lungs. I love it specifically because it is so horrible. I bought a Dr. Demento Christmas album just to get it, and Bonus! Now I have dogs barking Jingle Bells and “Santa and his old lady” by Cheech and Chong. Also wonderful in its awfulness (but sadly not on my awful cd) is “Percy the Puny Poinsettia.” _Folks liked the other plants better Now he’s alone on the shelf Even a plant with no uncle or aunt Shouldn’t spend Christmas Day by himself. . ._ ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/31 "2007-12-20T16:14:54Z")
I like two Christmas songs, **Jingle Bell Rock** and **Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree**. Pretty much all others make me change the station immediately, especially **Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer**. If I make it through the season without hearing that, it’s a good Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/32 "2007-12-20T16:16:47Z")
[QUOTE=Nanoda] I’m hearing **Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer** more times than I’d like to have this year, and for some reason have realized… those other reindeer are a bunch of sycophantic jackasses! They only like Rudolph 'cause he’s suddenly the big man’s right-hand reindeer, otherwise they’d still be giving him grief about his nose. So I don’t like _that_ song this year. [/QUOTE] Have you seen the [Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer perennial thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=48886)? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/33 "2007-12-20T16:19:32Z")
[QUOTE=SaharaTea] A very close second: “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney. I guarantee it will now be in your head the rest of the day. [/QUOTE] My proof when arguing about who actually had the talent in the McCartney/Lennon writing team. Lennon writes a Christmas song and comes up with “Happy Christmas/War is Over”. McCartney writes a Christmas song and comes up with “Wonderful Christmastime”. Game. Set. Match. Go home, Macca… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/34 "2007-12-20T16:20:39Z")
[QUOTE=Solfy] Also wonderful in its awfulness (but sadly not on my awful cd) is “Percy the Puny Poinsettia.” _Folks liked the other plants better Now he’s alone on the shelf Even a plant with no uncle or aunt Shouldn’t spend Christmas Day by himself. . ._ [/QUOTE] By Elmo and Patsy (of “Grandma Got Run Over” fame)… ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/35 "2007-12-20T16:23:26Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] \And, while it isn’t specificcally Christmas, I really hate all versions of **Baby, it’s Cold Outside**. [/QUOTE] My son refers to that as the Date Rape song. While I am sick of all Christmas songs because they have been playing since Thanksgiving, at least acknowledge why the Little Drummer Boy was playing his freaking drums. The original lyrics didn’t say “Baby Jesu” or, worse yet, “Little Baby”. His name is Jesus, dammit! That kid with the snare was drumming for Christ. Say the name! And stop playing , “My Favorite Things.” The song was from _The Sound of Music_ which is not a Christmas musical and the song barely qualifies as even a winter song, merely because it mentions “Brown paper packages tied up with strings… sleigh bells… Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes, Silver white winters that melt into springs.” Great. If I write a song with the lyrics > [@](#): > > Frostbite and dry skin and dumb songs by Elvis > Slipping on ice so I fracture my pelvis > Buying kids presents with which they won’t play > These are the things that ruin my day. can I send it to the local Christmas station? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/36 "2007-12-20T16:24:17Z")
[QUOTE=Max Torque] [“Dominic the Donkey”](http://www.hostropolis.com/april/mp3/xmas/dominic.mp3) by Lou Monte. It’s actually growing on me, kinda like “I Want A Hippopotamus”, for its goofiness. [/QUOTE] I LOVE Dominic the Donkey. Lou Monte sounds exactly like most of my mother’s aunts and uncles, and that always comforts me a little. “Ching-a-ching-ching!” Of course, I love most of the stuff you folks hate, as far as this thread goes. (The exceptions are “The Christmas Glurge…er, Shoes”, “Feliz Navidad” (at least after the first verse and chorus), and “Wonderful Christmastime”.) Otherwise I’m a Christmas Song Freak and wait with bated breath for the all-Christmas format to start! Bugs the hell out of **supervenusfreak** … ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/37 "2007-12-20T16:45:58Z")
I have to nominate a local curiosity. Vic Damone’s _Christmas in San Francisco,_ a horrid, cheesy bit of work. The thing rambles on for quite a while, and I was able to find a small snip of the lyrics. It’s really much, much worse once set to the lounge-lizard style music: > [@](#): > > Christmas in San Francisco > Looking like some fairy land > People with gifts in the crispy air > Giving old Saint Nick a hand > > Let’s take a peek in Chinatown > Eating lychee nuts and barbecued pork > What can you say about the Golden Gate > That hasn’t been said before ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/38 "2007-12-20T16:55:51Z")
[QUOTE=Slypork] If I write a song with the lyrics can I send it to the local Christmas station? [/QUOTE] Send it to Bob Rivers. That’s his kind of Christmas lyrics! ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/39 "2007-12-20T17:28:23Z")
At least you guys get a selection. All I’ve got is the Hanukah Song by Adam Sandler (which is at least funny but after the 914th time starts to wear a bit thin). ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678/40 "2007-12-20T17:34:33Z")
“Jingle Bell Rock” as performed by some group calling itself The Platinum Strings Orchestra. That song in a proper English accent just sounds so _wrong_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-christmas-songs/430678.md?page=3)