# Bad Doper Advice. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 21, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908 "2010-04-21T19:19:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/1 "2010-04-21T19:19:41Z")
Generally, I think the Dope is a pretty good place for objective-ish advice. But I was recently thinking of some advice I got from the Dope that I wish I hadn’t taken. When I was in seventh grade (I went to a junior high with only seventh and eighth grades), I was second-chair flute in the band, ahead of all the eighth graders except for this one girl, Molly. Molly thought this was unfair because a. she wanted to sit next to her friend, and not me and b. _she_ hadn’t gotten to be second-chair when _she_ was in seventh grade. She was a complete and awful bully to me the entire year. I hated her with every fiber of my being, but I was so meek and shy when I was that age, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it and I just let her say cruel, nasty things to my face for a whole year. She went to different high school than me and I didn’t see her for years and years - until I passed her on a path my senior year of college. (I checked the student directory for her name and yes, it was her…btw, the directory said she was a junior, so I was now ahead of her in school, hahaha) I saw her a few other times, just around campus, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to go up and tell her that she was a complete bitch to me when we were in junior high and that I bet she’s still a shitty human being, etc. (I am no longer meek or shy, can you tell?) She showed no sign of recognizing me. Anyway, I asked the Dope if this was a good idea and I got a resounding NO, I should just let it go. So I did. But you know what? I regret that. I found myself fantasizing about telling her off just a few days ago, and now I’m sad I never did it when I had the chance, and it’ll probably never happen at this point. Ooooh, I hated her so much. Dope, you led me astray and persuaded me from being my vindictive bitchy self! Anyone else ever wish they hadn’t taken advice from the Imaginary People on the Internet in the past? P.S. I love you guys anyway. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/2 "2010-04-21T20:09:55Z")
Did you skip two grades, or did she flunk two grades, or a combination of both? Maybe tell yourself that the fact that you overtook her could be reward enough. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/3 "2010-04-21T21:16:17Z")
Not an answer to the question posed, but a reflection on the tale related: had you not taken the advice and proceeded with the confrontation, you may have regretted that even more. Living well is the best revenge. ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/4 "2010-04-21T21:17:36Z")
A similar situation happened to a friend of mine. In high school, a girl she worked with and went to school with inexplicably hated her, talked about her to others, treated her rudely etc. Almost 15 years down the road, my friend found the girl on facebook and decided to send her a message asking why she had treated her so poorly. The girl responded back with an apology and said she couldn’t explain her behavior that she was just a bitch back then. I personally wouldn’t have contacted someone like that, but my friend seemed to get closure from the correspondence. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/5 "2010-04-21T21:22:06Z")
> [@Gary\_T](#): > > Not an answer to the question posed, but a reflection on the tale related: had you not taken the advice and proceeded with the confrontation, you may have regretted that even more. Living well is the best revenge. Yep. Maybe she would have punched you in the face and you would have needed reconstructive surgery, or maybe she would have apologized then started stalking you, or just laughed in your face. You dodged a bullet! The SDMB is teeming with bad advice. It’s got to be. How else to account for all the contradictions? ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/6 "2010-04-21T21:28:35Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Did you skip two grades, or did she flunk two grades, or a combination of both? Maybe tell yourself that the fact that you overtook her could be reward enough. Well, I sure didn’t skip any grades, and she probably didn’t flunk, but plenty of people take more than two years to graduate college. Best guess is she went to community college for awhile before transferring to my four year university. It seems like everyone I know who went to community college farts around for _years_ before transferring. It only would have been a reward of she _knew_ that I was [del]better[/del] ahead of her academically. I want her to feel mah pain. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/7 "2010-04-21T21:39:00Z")
Suppose you had confronted her. You may have then been injured, arrested, or both if things got out of hand. Better to let it go. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/8 "2010-04-21T21:55:32Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Suppose you had confronted her. You may have then been injured, arrested, or both if things got out of hand. Better to let it go. But then just imagine all the great advice we’d give you to survive your injuries, or your time in prison or both! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/9 "2010-04-21T23:06:25Z")
Just because you really, really wanted to confront her doesn’t make the Dope’s advice bad. It’s still good advice, it just isn’t satisfying. Like, you should eat your broccoli or brussels sprouts. I have given bad advice on the Dope. Someone had a dispute with a landlord or something like that, in which I thought there was no hope of a negotiated solution, and the matter was too trivial to waste time in small claims court. So I suggested trying to get on Judge Judy. Wait… that’s still GREAT advice!! ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/10 "2010-04-21T23:10:54Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Suppose you had confronted her. You may have then been injured, arrested, or both if things got out of hand. Better to let it go. Well, this is an unadventurous view of the world. Suppose I walk outside of this building and get hit by a car? Besides, this is probably what would have happened: Me: Hi Molly. Molly: Hi? Me: Remember me? We were in band together in junior high? Molly: Umm…oh…yeah. Kayla, right? Me: Kyla. Molly: Yeah, I remember. Me: Remember how you were a total bitch to me and bullied me for an entire year? Molly: Uh… Me: And I took it then because I was twelve and a wimp and now I’m 21\* and I just wanted to let you know that you’re a complete bitch who’s going to have a miserable life because you clearly have some major personality flaws. I hope everyone who ever meets you realizes what a horrible person you are and treats you accordingly. You fail at being a human being. Also, I’m gonna graduate college before you, HA HA HA. Then I stomp off before she can respond. \*I’m 31 now. It’s possible I should get over it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/11 "2010-04-21T23:14:13Z")
Either let it go, or learn to let it go and then let it go. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/12 "2010-04-22T00:10:58Z")
This reminds me of those old talk shows that used to reconnect classroom bullies with their tormentees. The tormentees would be all buffed out, supermodel gorgeous, ect, and would be flaunting it all over the place in front of the bullies, who would just look at them like they were crazy and a little sad for still not having got over classroom bullying that happened 10 or 20 years ago. Inevitably, the tormentees would end up looking worse than the bullies. See, bullies can blame their bad behavior on being misguided youth. All they have to do is say “yeah, I was kind of a dick in high school, sorry bout that.” Then, when the tormentees are all “yeah, you SUCK! You’re a BITCH! Look how HAWT I AM NOW!!!” they just look like idiots. I’m not saying this is what would happen in _your_ situation, I’m just saying it might be better to take the high road and live well, living well being the best revenge and all. -lezlers (who was tormented quite regularly in the sixth grade. Hope those bitches are swimming in bad karma.) ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/13 "2010-04-22T00:16:04Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > Well, this is an unadventurous view of the world. Suppose I walk outside of this building and get hit by a car? Besides, this is probably what would have happened: I’ve had more than my share of adventure in my lifetime. Adventure is dangerous and often damned uncomfortable. At my age, I’d rather have a nap. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/14 "2010-04-22T00:54:53Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I’ve had more than my share of adventure in my lifetime. Adventure is dangerous and often damned uncomfortable. At my age, I’d rather have a nap. +1 ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/15 "2010-04-22T02:02:20Z")
You simply posed the question incorrectly, is all. You didn’t want to know what the best thing to do was. What you wanted to know was what’s the best way to exhibit my vindictive bitchy self. See the difference? I promise you’d have gotten answers more in line with what you were seeking. People are funny, when you ask them what the, ‘best’, thing to do is they don’t immediately think, ‘be vindictive and bitchy’. Oh well, you’ll know better next time. Glad you still love us, anyway!😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/16 "2010-04-22T03:12:58Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > \*I’m 31 now. It’s possible I should get over it. This footnote is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/17 "2010-04-22T03:44:29Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I’ve had more than my share of adventure in my lifetime. Adventure is dangerous and often damned uncomfortable. At my age, I’d rather have a nap. Bilbo, is that you? ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/18 "2010-04-22T03:57:46Z")
I don’t ask or take much socially related advice from strangers on the internet. I observe other people IRL and try to learn from their mistakes, listen to my gut, and go with that… for better or worse. Then I learn from my own mistakes, if it ends up for the worse. In my 37 years, here’s my general rule of thumb: Don’t be an asshole, especially to assholes. And my corollary: Don’t ask for social advice from nobodies on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/19 "2010-04-22T04:02:46Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Bilbo, is that you? Nah. I’m more of an odd mixture of Human/Elf/Dwarf/Klingon/Dragon/Vorlon. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908/20 "2010-04-22T04:05:28Z")
> [@Enginerd](#): > > This footnote is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. I enjoyed that too. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-doper-advice/536908.md?page=2)