# Bad English Spam **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2015, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216 "2015-12-02T15:41:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2016, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/21 "2016-11-19T05:08:53Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > I got one once that had the word “phishing” in the address. It was like “irsphishing @ bot . org,” or something that inspired no confidence whatsoever in clicking on it. This is a bit off topic, but this reminds me of the phone call I once received that had the caller ID “Illegal Scam”. I didn’t answer. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2016, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/22 "2016-12-13T15:31:44Z")
> [@](#): > > On December 13, 2016 at 2:15 AM XFINITY \ wrote: > > Dear Customer: > The Classic version of our layout will be replaced by our new version on 12th DEC 2016. It’s time to upgrade, before you lose your all history access. > > Update your account, clicking Here > > When you upgrade your account > > Your service won’t be affected and you’ll keep all your data, folders and history. Plus you’ll get: > faster services > the latest spam protection > Update your account, clicking Here > > Thanks for choosing us, > COMCASTNET Team Yeah, I totally believe you’re XFINITY, ya turkey. Really, “clicking Here” would have sent me to a site based in Istanbul. ---
**Author:** ![Mikkel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikkel/32/13151_2.png) [@Mikkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikkel)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/23 "2016-12-17T08:16:20Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Mine are always well punctuated, like > > [?][?]00\_\_ᴍᴇᴇᴛ\_ [?]ɴᴇᴡ [?]\_Friᴇɴds\_\_ᴊᴏɪɴ\_\_ᴛʜᴇ\_\_FUn\_\_00[?][?] So your spammers are the ones who stole the punctuation from the one I received: “Attract Men With Larger Breasts” ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/24 "2016-12-17T09:13:52Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Has anyone ever met a Barrister in the US? I’ve known lawyers & esquires, & councilors, & attorneys, & prosecutors, & public defenders but I don’t believe I’ve ever met a barrister. There are Barristers in the US. They just do regular tourist stuff (visit the Grand Canyon, go skiing, see family, etc) and then they go back home. Hang around an international airport and I’m sure you’ll run into one someday. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2016, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/25 "2016-12-17T18:02:18Z")
> [@Mikkel](#): > > So your spammers are the ones who stole the punctuation from the one I received: > “Attract Men With Larger Breasts” Men who have large breasts are so hard to attract. Who could know this amazing secret? They shall make all the monies. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2016, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/26 "2016-12-18T14:03:50Z")
My favorite was hawking a penis enlargement product that guaranteed me a “massive chinchilla.” ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2016, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/27 "2016-12-18T20:32:18Z")
“Sex, Drugs & Rocken Roll” ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/28 "2016-12-19T15:50:21Z")
A colleague shared this one with me a couple of weeks ago: > [@](#): > > How is your business recently? > > I was told by one of my America clients that Trump Govenment had taken acction: > > 30% Tariff from its neighbor Mexico!!! > > Was that true? We are both victims. One of his America clients is under the belief that the administration has already changed. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/29 "2016-12-19T17:30:43Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > You mean the “money shot” on her face? > > I’ve never understood that; I thought using my hand to finish is for when I’m _not_ with a woman. :o > Has anyone ever met a Barrister in the US? I’ve known lawyers & esquires, & councilors, & attorneys, & prosecutors, & public defenders but I don’t believe I’ve ever met a barrister. I meet more baristas than barristers. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/30 "2016-12-19T17:49:29Z")
I had one today: **Subject: Park fat she nor does play** Calling observe for who pressed raising his Garrets use ten you the weather ferrars venture friends Calling observe for who pressed raising his Sigh sang nay sex high yet door game ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/31 "2016-12-19T18:38:42Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I had one today: > > **Subject: Park fat she nor does play** > > Calling observe for who pressed raising his > Garrets use ten you the weather ferrars venture friends > Calling observe for who pressed raising his > Sigh sang nay sex high yet door game OH boy!! Where do I enter my credit card number?!??! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2016, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/32 "2016-12-19T19:53:03Z")
The weird thing is that there was no link, no attachment, no request for a read receipt. I guess it can only have been a bot trying out my address to see if the server accepted or rejected it. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2016, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/33 "2016-12-20T06:04:12Z")
Years ago, before there was email, there were actual postal mail spam letters. With computers, they could customize the letters with your name inserted at various places. I received professional magazines at work that were addressed to me including my job title: T. Bonham, Systems Analyst. They obviously sold their mailing list to others, and somewhere along the way it got truncated. So I had fun getting letters like this: > [@](#): > > _Dear Systems, > You and all the Anal family would surely enjoy a cruise …_ ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2016, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216/34 "2016-12-20T07:14:26Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > Years ago, before there was email, there were actual postal mail spam letters. With computers, they could customize the letters with your name inserted at various places. > > I received professional magazines at work that were addressed to me including my job title: T. Bonham, Systems Analyst. They obviously sold their mailing list to others, and somewhere along the way it got truncated. > > So I had fun getting letters like this: One of my former bosses had a file of letters and documents containing funny gaffes (it would be circulated for entertainmment in the holiday season) - one of the letters in there must have been a mailmerge problem - it was addressed “Dear Null…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-english-spam/739216.md?page=1)