# Bad fiction and the Internet **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 27, 2004, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222 "2004-04-27T03:33:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/1 "2004-04-27T03:33:43Z")
This could be a pit topic but since it involves someone’s attempt at fiction, I’ll post it in CS. [This](http://www.textfiles.com/survival/stupid) very bad piece of fiction would normally have never burned my eyes but thanks to modern technology, I stumbled across it. Some things should never be written and if they must be written, should soon after be burned. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/2 "2004-04-27T06:25:07Z")
I was introduced to [“The Eye of Argon”](http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/sf/eyeargon.htm) a couple of weeks ago. Everything I’ve read since is pure Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![Jurhael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@Jurhael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurhael)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/3 "2004-04-27T06:39:15Z")
I’ve read worse, but that fic gave me a beer face. EEsh. ---
**Author:** ![RandomLetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@RandomLetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandomLetters)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/4 "2004-04-27T11:10:44Z")
I seen worse -try reading an Oscarfic some time. :shudders: ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/5 "2004-04-27T12:04:43Z")
> [@The Long Road](#): > > This could be a pit topic but since it involves someone’s attempt at fiction, I’ll post it in CS. [This](http://www.textfiles.com/survival/stupid) very bad piece of fiction would normally have never burned my eyes but thanks to modern technology, I stumbled across it. Some things should never be written and if they must be written, should soon after be burned. Whoever wrote that must be a sad, lonely little boy. I could practically picture the kid masturbating in between typing scenes. ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/6 "2004-04-27T12:07:34Z")
> [@Lynn Bodoni](#): > > I could practically picture the kid masturbating in between typing scenes. Hey. Leave my fiction-writing class from college outta this. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/7 "2004-04-27T12:20:31Z")
Yeah, but _who’s the stupid one now?!_ ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/8 "2004-04-27T12:46:43Z")
The OP is just plain mediocre. It’s nowhere up to the level of Eye of Argon or [Attack of the Rockoids](http://www.rockoids.com/chapter.html) or most books published by the various online vanity presses (like [this](http://books.iuniverse.com/viewbooks.asp?isbn=0595227872&page=1) or [this](http://books.iuniverse.com/viewbooks.asp?isbn=0595159265&page=1), both chosen at random). ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/9 "2004-04-27T12:48:17Z")
> [@chique](#): > > I was introduced to [“The Eye of Argon”](http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/sf/eyeargon.htm) a couple of weeks ago. Everything I’ve read since is pure Shakespeare. \*“Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian”, gasped the first soldier. “Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!” returned Grignr."\* The author should put down his pen, and go back to being Dungeon Master. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/10 "2004-04-27T13:11:55Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > The author should put down his pen, and go back to being Dungeon Master. Nothing to say you can’t do both. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/11 "2004-04-27T13:50:49Z")
Alright, I’ll say it: **He can’t do both.** It follows logically. He can’t write; therefore, if he wanted to write AND be a Dungeon Master, he would need to learn to write. ~A --\> ~(A && B) ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/12 "2004-04-27T13:56:47Z")
> [@Attack of the Rockoids](#): > > In the blackness of space, thousands of light years from Earth, **the eternal calm was rudely disturbed** as two opposing fleets of spaceships approached each other thousands of kilometers above a planet of huge cities and gorgeous landscapes. Having attempted to read the first sample chapter of “Attack of the Rockoids”, I found myself intrigued by this bit of description. HOW RUDE! HOW RUDE TO DISTURB OUR ETERNAL CALM! WE WERE TRYING TO REST! ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/13 "2004-04-27T14:43:22Z")
All of you think you have it bad? Try being a fan of [Interactive Fiction](http://www.wurb.com/if). There’s some really well-written stuff out there, but you’ve got to sort through a bunch of rabble to get to it: “You have travelled through a long-forgotten valley, cut deep into the Carpathian mountains. This is Transylvania, an ancient land of mystery and superstition. A freezing cold mist fills this bleak landscape. Swollen, wrath-filled clouds rumble ominously above hag-ridden magic and enchanted woods. The melancholy days are come. The saddest of the year, of wailing winds and naked woods. From somewhere deep in the forest, you hear the howling of the wolves.” Retch. It’s not unexpected - any endeavor that encourages a bunch of fiction amateurs (and _programming_ amateurs!) to write their hearts out will get a lot of crap - but the worst of it is just draining. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/14 "2004-04-27T15:06:57Z")
[QUOTE=Cheese Monster] From somewhere deep in the forest, you hear the howling of the wolves." QUOTE] and I am Azrael Abyss, Prrrince of Sorrows! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/15 "2004-04-27T15:39:54Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Having attempted to read the first sample chapter of “Attack of the Rockoids”, I found myself intrigued by this bit of description. > > HOW RUDE! HOW RUDE TO DISTURB OUR ETERNAL CALM! WE WERE TRYING TO REST! The particular book is infamous because the author flooded Internet newsgroups talking about how great the book was and attacking each and every post that dared to say otherwise. At his peak, he was putting out hundreds of posts a day. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/16 "2004-04-27T16:55:36Z")
Apparently a popular party game is to take turns reading from “The Eye of Argon” for as long as you can keep a straight face. Many people manage nearly a sentance. To be fair, there’s worse fiction out there, that is just as bad as it can get while just being plausibly fiction as opposed to monkey drool 🙂 Conversely, I’ve written worse, but like to think I improve 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/17 "2004-04-27T18:02:11Z")
Yes there is worse fiction out there and its name is [horses whinney, lightning cracks, a terrified scream is heard offscreen] [R. L. Fanthorpe](http://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/ea.cgi?R._L._Fanthorpe)! And some of his books are so horrible that the database wouldn’t even accept them! Behold! The worst published book of all infinity! [Negative Minus](http://www.peltorro.com/sf088.htm)! ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/18 "2004-04-27T18:15:51Z")
I’m amazed this thread has gotten this far without mentioning Stephen Ratliff and his “Marrissa Stories”–a whole series of incredibly bad Star Trek stories centering around a bit character in one ST:TNG episode. [Here](http://home.netcom.com/%7Emblackwl/mst.html) is a link to the MiSTing archive–I couldn’t find the originals with a quick Google search, but the MiSTings are hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/19 "2004-04-27T18:20:01Z")
Worst fiction book, perhaps. \But there are some doozies in nonfiction as well.\ ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222/20 "2004-04-27T18:21:04Z")
Worst fiction book, perhaps. [But there are some doozies in nonfiction as well.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0595094724/qid=1083089676/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-9856983-9719258?v=glance&s=books) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-fiction-and-the-internet/242222.md?page=2)