# Bad Joke thread. Add Yours **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 27, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828 "2003-05-27T18:24:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/81 "2003-05-30T06:02:58Z")
Is Wolverine for really? No, it’s just a huge act, man. ---
**Author:** ![Beezle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@Beezle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beezle)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/82 "2003-05-30T09:18:03Z")
A dog walks into a Western Union and says “I want to send a telegram.” “Sure.” The telegrapher says, grabbing a pencil and a pad, “What do you want to send?” “Woof. Woof woof. Woof woof, woof.”, says the dog. “For another dollar, you can add another ‘woof’” explains the telegrapher. “Why would I want to do that? That wouldn’t make any sense!” ---
**Author:** ![ScilaX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@ScilaX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScilaX)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/83 "2003-05-30T09:42:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by chembug \* > \*\*Why did the fourth monkey fall? > > It thought it was a race. \*\* Why did the squirrel fall outta the tree? It was doing monkey impressions 😛 How far can we take this crap joke?!?! ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/84 "2003-05-30T09:54:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rhubarb \* > \*\*What do you call a dog with no legs? > > It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyway. > \*\* So what do you DO with a dog with no legs? You take it out for a drag. ---
**Author:** ![ScilaX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@ScilaX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScilaX)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/85 "2003-05-30T10:09:24Z")
All this talk of dogs with no legs has got me thinkin’… Where do you _find_ a dog with no legs? Where you left it 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/86 "2003-05-30T10:36:19Z")
Q: what do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel balls? A: Sparky Q: why did the woman that had a dig with no legs at all, call him smokey? A: cos every night, sh’d take him out for a drag. And the sequence about the monkeys…I have one about elephants: Q: what’s 1 elephant in a tree? A: 1 less on the ground Q: what’s 2 elephants in a tree? A: no, not 2 less on the ground, but 1 more in the tree Q: what do you call 3 elephants in a tree? A: One hell of a strong tree Q: why should you not walk in the woods after dark? A: just in case an elephant falls out of the tree Q: why is a crocodile so flat? A: it went walking through the woods at night… ---
**Author:** ![chembug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@chembug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chembug)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/87 "2003-05-30T20:32:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ricepad \* > \*\*So what do you DO with a dog with no legs? > > You take it out for a drag. \*\* **I** know what you call a dog with NO legs. Cigarette…because you take it out for drag. ---
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/88 "2003-05-30T21:38:36Z")
What’s green and smells like pigs? Kermit’s finger * * * Why don’t rabbits make noise when they have sex? They have ‘cotton balls’ ---
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/89 "2003-05-31T01:06:20Z")
Ever heard of the good whore? She worked around the Cock. ---
**Author:** ![Gest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@Gest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gest)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/90 "2003-05-31T02:04:11Z")
Q: What’s the smallest pub in England? A: The Thalidomide Arms. Q: Why don’t women ever want sex first thing in the morning? A: Well, have **you** ever tried to peel open a toasted cheese sandwich…? Q: You know the most shocking part of it when Michael Jackson dangled his little boy over the balcony in Germany? A: He usually just tosses them off instead. Q: What kind of file do you use to make a little hole into a big hole? A: A paedophile. Q: Did you hear about the Thalidomide porn star? A: Had an arm like a baby’s cock! ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/91 "2003-05-31T05:18:52Z")
Why did the dog fall outta the tree? 'Cause it tasted like chicken…walked into a bar…with algebra…no legs I liked that one about Gandhi ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/92 "2003-05-31T06:23:45Z")
Two guys enter a bar. You’d think the second guy wood-duck. But I’m a frayed knot, grasshopper. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/93 "2003-05-31T16:10:46Z")
What did the Beatles say during the rockslide? ## “Watch out for the Rolling Stones!” Mick Jagger buys a sheep farm. One day he comes out and sees a neighboring farmer named McCloud humping one of his sheep. So he starts singing: “Hey (hey), McCloud (McCloud), get of of my ewe…” ---
**Author:** ![quinoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/a9adbd/32.png) [@quinoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quinoa)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/94 "2003-05-31T21:12:36Z")
when is a door not a door? when it’s ajar. ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/95 "2003-05-31T21:13:49Z")
A baby seal walked into a club. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/96 "2003-06-01T02:42:58Z")
A man goes to a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist asks him what his problem is. The man replies “I don’t have any problem! My wife made me come here, just because I like pancakes!” The psychiatrist thinks about that for a moment, then says “I don’t see anything wrong with that; I like pancakes myself”. The man replies “You do? Come on over to my house sometime- I’ve got a whole basement full!” ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/97 "2003-06-01T02:58:53Z")
A painter is whitewashing an outshouse, when his stepladder tilts and he falls into the pit of muck. After screaming, “Fire! Fire! Fire!” for several minutes, he hears the wailing sirens and soon is looking up at the Chief, and a crew of Truckies. The Chief asks, “Where’s the fire?” The painter says, “There isn’t one.” “Then why did you holler Fire!?” “Would you guys have come to rescue me if I’d shouted, ‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’?” ---
**Author:** ![sickboy51](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@sickboy51](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sickboy51)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/98 "2003-06-01T19:06:10Z")
A couple is having sex when, suddenly, the boy tells the girl “let me stick it in your ear”, she replies “are you MAD?Do you want me to turn deaf or something?”, and he says “well, you didn´t turn mute, did you?” ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/99 "2003-06-01T22:04:19Z")
Q: What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A: A peeping tom snatches watches. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828/100 "2003-06-01T22:05:40Z")
D’oh! :smack: I’m a lousy joke teller. Round two. Q: What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A: A _pickpocket_ snatches watches. Damn, I killed the punchline on that one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-joke-thread-add-yours/177828.md?page=6)