# Bad Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 19, 2001, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930 "2001-01-19T23:27:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mielikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Mielikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mielikki)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/21 "2001-01-20T23:02:55Z")
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny. Thanks to my brother for that one. ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/22 "2001-01-25T04:26:07Z")
Isn’t the worst joke the most unfunny one? By that logic, the worst **ever** must be: Why did the chicken… Oh, you know the rest. In other words, the joke that should never, ever be uttered. That needs to be drug out in the street, shot, diced, doused in acid, run over by a steamroller, and napalmed. ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/23 "2001-01-25T04:33:51Z")
So this dude walks into a doctor’s office. He’s got a grape in each nostril, a cherry in each ear, and apple in his mouth and a banana under each armpit. The doctor calls him into his office. The man takes out the apple and says, “Doc! You’ve gotta tell me what’s wrong with me!” Doc takes one look at him and says, “Son, you’re not eating right.” Ba-dum-DUM! ---
**Author:** ![King\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7bcc69/32.png) [@King\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/King_Rat)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/24 "2001-01-25T04:40:01Z")
What do you get when you cross a rhinocerous and an elephant? Elephino ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/25 "2001-01-25T04:43:46Z")
Q: How do you tell if a girl is ticklish? A: Give her a test tickle. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/26 "2001-01-25T07:16:07Z")
An amateur punster learned that a local newspaper was having a pun contest. He wrote ten original puns and sent them to the paper in hopes that one of them would win, but no pun in ten did. ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/27 "2001-01-25T10:59:30Z")
- - - A lady gets pregnant, and gives birth to twins. She and her husband can’t afford to raise them, so they put the babies up for adoption. A couple from India visits to adopt the girl and names her Amal. A few months later a Spanish couple adopts the boy, names him Juan, and returns to Spain. - Twenty years later the lady gets a letter from Juan, telling them that he is okay and including a photo. The lady turns to her husband and says “My son is so beautiful, I wish I had a photo of my daughter too.” Her husband says “Dear, they’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal!” ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/28 "2001-01-25T12:40:19Z")
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: Fat fingers. ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/29 "2001-01-25T12:48:07Z")
- Why do elephants wear yellow clogs? - That way you don’t see them floating upside down in the custard. - Bet you’ve never seen an elephant floating upside down in custard. - That’s because they wear yellow clogs… Ka-Chingggg!!! ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/30 "2001-01-25T15:31:49Z")
Here’s one I use in my magic act: Did you know that the “Psychic Friends Network” went out of buisiness? None of them ever saw it coming! I kill myself! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/31 "2001-01-25T15:57:04Z")
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care. [/quote] This one’s for **mrblue92** : Why did the chicken cross the road? For fowl reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/32 "2001-01-25T16:05:23Z")
Know where to find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Know why blind people don’t skydive? It scares the dog. ---
**Author:** ![racerx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5e9695/32.png) [@racerx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racerx)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/33 "2001-01-25T16:26:21Z")
How do you top a car? Tep on the brake, tupid. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/34 "2001-01-25T17:19:28Z")
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice. (_Note to the Concerned:_ The person who told me this joke? I told him he was a very, very bad person, and ought to be ashamed of himself.) ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/35 "2001-01-25T17:22:54Z")
How do you confuse [Peace] (insert derogatory epithet here)? Put him in a round room and tell him to pee in the corner. What’s more confusing? When he comes back and tells you he did! Classy, no? ---
**Author:** ![messiah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@messiah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/messiah)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/36 "2001-01-25T18:07:45Z")
Patient: Doctor Doctor I’ve got a palm tree growing out of my head. Doc: Don’t worry its only a beauty spot. Man walking down the road meets other man with a big orange head. “how did you get that head” “a genie gave me three wishes, 1st wish, world peace” “wow thats why everybody is hugging each other” “2nd wish, no more illness” “wow that would explain that new cancer/heart attack cure pill” “3rd wish, a big orange head” where else but the sdmb,could we get away with this? ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/37 "2001-01-25T21:59:43Z")
Q: What’s big, brown, and eats rocks? A: A big, brown, rock-eater. Q: Why did the girl fall off of the swing? A: Because she had no arms. Q: What’s big, green, and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on your head? A: A pool table. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/38 "2001-01-26T00:13:59Z")
I don’t get the Big Orange Head. Why weren’t there any women in the Boston Tea Party? They threw all the bags overboard! _groaner alert_ How is “4+4=9” like your left foot? Because it isn’t right! Geez… no one’s posted any “light-bulb” jokes yet? How my mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw it most of the way in, and one to give it an interesting twist at the end. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? It didn’t have the guts to! Why did the pervert cross the road? It’s _thing_ was stuck in the chicken! Ok, Ok, that’s enough for now. ---
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/39 "2001-01-26T00:30:02Z")
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What’s the difference between an Oral and Rectal Thermometer? The taste. ---
**Author:** ![Jeannie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@Jeannie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeannie)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930/40 "2001-01-26T01:18:36Z")
A mushroom is getting thrown out of a bar. He says, “Wait, don’t throw me out! I’m a fun guy!” (Get it? Fun guy = fungi) A guy is sitting at a bar, when he hears a voice say, “Wow, you look great tonight!” He looks around, but no one is there. Soon, he hears the same voice say, “I love your tie!” He looks again, but the place is practically empty and no one is sitting near him. Next, he hears, “What’s that cologne? I love it!” He calls the bartender over and says, “Are you hearing those voices?” The bartender says, “Oh…that’s just the complimentary peanuts.” Hee hee! I love bad jokes! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-jokes/50930.md?page=3)