# Bad News Baboon's Crush-O-Rama **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 26, 2002, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843 "2002-04-26T20:00:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/21 "2002-04-27T16:11:40Z")
I’d like a Crush, please. Orange would be fine, but whatever you got. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/22 "2002-04-27T19:59:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pezpunk \* > \*\* > > This had BETTER not take away from your stalking time because I am telling your right now that you are one step away from being in the stalker unemployment line! > > [sub] good for nothing slacker! [/sub] \*\* Bitch, you can’t fire me. I’ve got the pin. I’VE GOT THE PIN!! Best 10 bits I ever spent. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/23 "2002-04-27T21:47:28Z")
_crush list coming tomorrow_ just want to get all the names in before I begin to assign. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/24 "2002-04-27T23:20:53Z")
Living up to typical SDMB standards, I presume you’ll have Arthur Anderson on hand to verify the selection process? Since they’re so well trusted these days… ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/25 "2002-04-28T04:44:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kittenblue \* > \*\*I’d like a Crush, please. Orange would be fine, but whatever you got. \*\* There’s flavours _other than orange?!?!?!_\* ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/26 "2002-04-28T06:23:18Z")
Grape. ---
**Author:** ![iconoplast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3d9bf3/32.png) [@iconoplast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iconoplast)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/27 "2002-04-28T06:55:27Z")
Ooo… I want one… I better not be late! I’m always late. I hate being late! And I better be let in… I hate being left out too… I tried having one on **Esprix** but he never noticed and it broke my poor little heart. What’s a girl have to do? ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/28 "2002-04-28T06:57:49Z")
I’ll take a strawberry, thanks! (I’ll also throw my hat in the ring to have a person upon whom to crush. I’ve had few crushes in the past few years anyways.) ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/29 "2002-04-28T07:13:46Z")
Seeing as I got laid off from **Pezpunk** ’s crush list, I suppose I should submit my name here. It seems there is no other way for me to get a good crush-er or crush-ee. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/30 "2002-04-28T11:59:44Z")
here it is, at long last. Red indicates you are the object of affection. Blue indicates that you are the devotee. In no particular order: **kittenblue** The next time you go to a restaurant and have rice in your meal, know that the person to your immediate left is thinking about the color of your undies. \*\*Alice\_in\_wonderland \*\* It is recommended that you NOT wear denim on the 08/13/02. * * * **Lightnin’** Be especially sure that your tank is full of gas on 05/17/02 **Iconoplast** You will have something caught on your teeth on Next Friday. No one will tell you. Don’t smile too much on that day. * * * **Lsura** the next time you step in something unfortunate, know that the VERY next woman you see, you should start a conversation enquiring about the “Sesame Street on Ice”. **Celtic Cowboy** what ever you do, be sure you have an extra pair of pants handy on 04/04/02 * * * **lel** On your next outing to a movie do not sit next to a man wearing shorts. It is also very very advisable that you eat your own popcorn. Do not share food. **Neidhart** You will meet a tall dark ugly stranger on 12/23/02. He wants something. Listen to him carefully. Follow through only on the first half of the request. Do not follow through on the second half. * * * **Galin Ubil** Be very wary of a man in a moustache overing you a drink on 07/25/02. **TruePisces** Avoid honkeytonks at all costs. * * * the oracle was especially chatty about the following: \*\* **Bernse** and **featherlou** I can not condone this grouping. You are of free will of course, but NOTHING good will come of it. Instead may I suggest the following: **featherlou** The following months will be rather hectic. I predict a trip of some sorts. a vaction. a honeymoon? When you go on this trip you will see a lady wearing a plaid shirt. Avoid her like the plague. Your best intentions are not on her aggenda, despite what she may claim. **meyer** A salesman of sorts will contact you on 09/03/02. Be sure to keep his card handy. He will save you a bundle of money. Of which you will save and go to vegas with. When ther, go to the black jack table with a lady dealer. **Waverly** You will meet a man wearing a cheap cologne on 10/31/02. He has a special request of you. Don’t do it. Try not to snicker about his open fly. **Bernse** The first child you meet on 11/08/02 will have a dramtic impact in your later life. Treat this child very well and you shall reap the benefits later. Do not however buy them a nintendo 7394 in the year 2009. * * * **Cuate** : the oracle is MOST displeased with your flip tone regarding the manner in which people are paired. It was not wise to anger the oracle.The oracle does not take too kindly to people who mock ‘The Gift’. \*\*mouthbreather \*\* your wish has been granted.No more worries about _female_ crushes. 🙂 **Cuate** oh dear me. it is most advisable you get a Sam’s card. Buy a case of industrial concentrated Pepto Bismal. You may also consider picking up a 5 or 6 cases of toilet paper. Do they sell underware there? also: during June, any food you eat containing an ‘e’ in it will cause unstopable drooling. During September go to chico’s tacos. Remember your order number. Avoid that number in any connection to your life. **Mouthbreather** You should at all costs, avoid ANYTHING connected to a peach during the month of August. You should shave every square inch of your body to avoid bad cosmic gamma rays on May 6,02. You should also drink heavily that night, take pictures and post them up on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/31 "2002-04-28T12:09:45Z")
So I shouldn’t get myself a drink on 7/25/02? Wench, fetch me an ale! ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/32 "2002-04-28T12:18:33Z")
depends… are you offering yourself a drink? if a typical scenario is: galen ubal:“hello self! wuld you like a drink?” galen ubal:“why yes I would!” galen ubal:“well, here you go self! I made it JUST like you like it!” galen ubal:“WOW! how did you know?” galen ubal:“I just sensed it, I guess” galen ubal:“jinkies!” then no, don’t do it. just the same though, it’s better to be safe than sorry. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/33 "2002-04-28T12:27:18Z")
:p\* Given my social life of late, I can actually picture that sort of scene going on… That, and the fact that I’m a total loon. \*laughing out loud smiley ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/34 "2002-04-28T13:03:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Waverly > You will meet a man wearing a cheap cologne on 10/31/02. He has a special request of you. Don’t do it. Try not to snicker about his open fly. My little brother is coming to visit for Halloween? He’s going to steal my candy, isn’t he? Thanks for the warning. I’m confused by my ‘pairing.’ It seems I’ve been included in some Canadian group crush-orgy if I read correctly. I don’t speak Canadian, but other than that, it sounds like fun. Mind if we meet in Toronto? Those other places sound _cold_. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/35 "2002-04-28T19:45:48Z")
I want one! ---
**Author:** ![syncrolecyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@syncrolecyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/syncrolecyne)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/36 "2002-04-28T20:32:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon \* > \*\* > > **Cuate** > oh dear me. > > it is most advisable you get a Sam’s card. > Buy a case of industrial concentrated Pepto Bismal. > You may also consider picking up a 5 or 6 cases of toilet paper. > Do they sell underware there? > also: > during June, any food you eat containing an ‘e’ in it will cause unstopable drooling. > During September go to chico’s tacos. Remember your order number. Avoid that number in any connection to your life. > \*\* Oh, empty threats, does you ‘oracle’ really believe that I will be needing those randomly selected items? _gets queasy look_ :eek: uhh, I have to go ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/37 "2002-04-28T20:36:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon \* > here it is, at long last. > > Red indicates you are the object of affection. > Blue indicates that you are the devotee. Does this mean that Celtic Cowboy is now my stal…er, person who has a crush on me? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/38 "2002-04-28T20:55:55Z")
Well, if **meyer** has a crush on me, then I can still have a crush on **Bernse** , can’t I? Crushes are no good if they’re reciprocal, you know. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/39 "2002-04-28T21:06:31Z")
Got it - no denim. Fortunatly that misses Stampede week, so I should be OK. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843/40 "2002-04-28T21:57:21Z")
I have returned from my brief sojourn to visit the oracle. He was having a tupperware party and you know how that goes… I buy his tupperware, he buys my amway. anyway, **waverly** : the oracle says to not question the hodgepodge of names in your grouping. “go with the flow, baby” he said. **lsura** yes, you are right. stalke…er crushees are in blue. **opal** your name shall be in round two. by the way, he says Hi! **featherlou** of course you can still have a crush on Bernse. The oracle believes in free will. He said however," mmmmm girlfriend, i wouldn’t be goin’ there if I were you" **alice\_in\_wonderland** :theoracle realizes how important being Rodeo Sweetheart is to you. He worked a deal out with the evil harpies that were going to…oh. I am saying to much… **cuate** : oracle says: Mwahahahahaha. **galen ubal** the oracle says that he has a solution to your problem. Simply don’t offer yourself a drink. imagine the following (which is best if spoken outloud) galen ubal:DRINK THIS, self galen ubal: no! I am not thirsty! galen ubal:DRINK IT! galen ubal: you aren’t my mom! I dont have to do your bidding! galen ubal:alright you pansy jerk! (grab head in hand. punch face with other hand) galen ubal: you think I am joking? galen ubal:NO NO NO! etc. yes it seems dramatic, but really to tempt fate otherwise is not a good thing. BTW, [The oracle sends a photo illustrating how life will turn out if you follow his advice](http://monkeyscribbles.tripod.com/Happy.jpg) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-news-baboons-crush-o-rama/105843.md?page=3)