# Bad one-liners your Dad (or Mom) repeatedly subjected you to, **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 1, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753 "2013-03-01T19:21:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2013, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/41 "2013-03-02T15:13:16Z")
Let’s say I got something wrong, and said “I thought…” My dad had a reply for that: “I thought the show was at 9:00” “That’ll teach you to think.” (rimshot) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/42 "2013-03-02T18:43:12Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Probably “moiderize” (bastardization of “murderize”) from Old Timey Television. It came to me overnight. Curley from _The Three Stooges_ used to say this. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/43 "2013-03-02T18:54:17Z")
At the dinner table: Mom: Do you wanna roll? Me: Yes Mom: Then get down on the floor and start. Dad: Are you through eating? Me: Yes Dad: Then knock your teeth out. “On the other hand” was invariably followed by Mom saying “she wore a glove.” ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2013, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/44 "2013-03-02T18:56:15Z")
If I complained that some meal didn’t look good, my SDad would say “It will look a lot worse when you get through with it.” ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2013, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/45 "2013-03-02T19:07:50Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Probably “moiderize” (bastardization of “murderize”) from Old Timey Television. Either Loony Toons or The Honeymooners or something. > > \ Slight hijack: It was from [Bowery Boys](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOe3LSLrqJY) They were the reincarnation of the Eastside Boys and before that, the Deadend Kids ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/46 "2013-03-03T03:26:19Z")
My dad loves this bit: "As I said to the woman with the wooden leg, I said ‘Peg, it’s a cold night…everyone has to make some sacrifices.’ " Also, he would get bored when I was a kid from answering the 19 quintillion questions. He was in his early 20’s when I was little. So, I’d ask questions and if he didn’t feel like answering b/c too long of an answer or he didn’t know…I got this. Me: “Dad, why does {question}h?” Him: “To make little girls ask questions.” In fun, I once got him back when I was older. He walked into the convo and asked me a question. I responded with “To make old Dads ask questions.” He had a Harry Chapin moment and it cracked him up. _She’s grown up just like me!_ ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/47 "2013-03-03T04:22:55Z")
Does this count? [![](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xMWYzSlr4mA/USrJyEkffKI/AAAAAAABKow/6Qwifqh0WFw/s0/IMG_0897.JPG) ](https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-xMWYzSlr4mA/USrJyEkffKI/AAAAAAABKow/6Qwifqh0WFw/s0/IMG_0897.JPG) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/48 "2013-03-03T13:16:56Z")
Excellent OP name/thread combo. These days as a parent I get to perpetrate the bad one-liners, as for instance: Child: “Will you make me a cup of coffee?” Me: “Shazam!! You’re a cup of coffee.” or Child: “What’s for tea?” Me: “Pigs’ feet and look at it.” ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/49 "2013-03-03T14:27:24Z")
my dad had a bunch of these: What’s for dinner?= Fish heads and rice But I thought…=that’s what you get for thinking. He also had funny names for things, some related to his Air Force career: chicken legs were landing gear, a Christmas tree was a Santa claus bush and a Chritmas card was a Santa Claus ticket. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/50 "2013-03-03T14:34:41Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > My father had a weird saying: “It must be jelly 'cause jam don’t shake like that.” Well, it is the title of a song (and I’ve heard it referenced in the lyrics of another song), but I don’t know how useful it is as a saying. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/51 "2013-03-03T16:55:35Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > “Bad enough to puke a buzzard off a gut wagon.” Dad: “That would gag a maggot on a gut truck”. Dad was very subtle. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/52 "2013-03-03T17:08:53Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Dad: “That would gag a maggot on a gut truck”. > > Dad was very subtle. > mmm Ha, my mom used to say both of these, except as “That would gag a maggot” and “That would knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.” Ah, moms. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/53 "2013-03-03T18:07:08Z")
Any time someone was observed eating a lobster, my Mom would always say reflexively, “Bring me the winner.” If you care, that was the punch line to a very old and not very funny joke. A man went to a fancy restaurant and ordered lobster. When the waiter brought it, the man noticed that it only had one claw. He asked the waiter why, and the waiter said “Sorry, sir, it got into a fight with another lobster in the tank.” The man glared at the waiter and said, Well, take this one back and bring me the winner." ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/54 "2013-03-03T20:34:07Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > When my dad came home from the barber and one of us would say “You got a haircut!”, he would say, “I got them all cut.” My dad would say this too! Now, I say it. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/55 "2013-03-03T20:46:51Z")
Me: Hey! Mom: Hay is for horses and donkeys like you. Me: So… Mom: Sew a blanket. Me: What are you doing? Mom: Mildewing. This last one took me forever to figure out. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2013, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/56 "2013-03-03T21:38:47Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > My father like to give places and people funny names, like “Marlon Branflakes” (Brando), “Pass-the-junk Avenue” (Passyunk, in Philly), “Sure-kill Crawlway” (Schuylkill Expressway – also in Philly), “horse-pistol” (hospital), etc. Alfred Hatchplot, Walter Chronic, Paul Hardley. ---
**Author:** ![rhysf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f14d63/32.png) [@rhysf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhysf)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/57 "2013-03-04T00:50:15Z")
My Dad never made lame jokes but unfortunately I’ve developed the habit of inflicting them on my kids. “What’s the time?” “Two-thirty.” “Better see a dentist about that.” Every new year’s eve as I’m putting each of the kids to bed, I say goodnight, look at them earnestly and say: “I have some bad news. I have to go away for a while and I won’t see you again until next year.” My father-in-law’s new year’s eve joke: “Did you see that man? He had as many noses as there are days left in the year.” ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/58 "2013-03-04T01:37:47Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > _snip_ > Me: What are you doing? > Mom: Mildewing. > > This last one took me forever to figure out. My Daddy said this too, except he would add “to keep from molding” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/59 "2013-03-04T03:55:18Z")
Mom: “Women have many faults. Men have only two: everything they say and do.” Seen once in a stupid shop somewhere. Repeated a few thousand times for the next thirty years of my life. ---
**Author:** ![scratch\_llll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@scratch\_llll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch_llll)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/60 "2013-03-04T04:07:29Z")
Every time Dad said “let’s see” he would follow it with “said the blind man”. He had a lot of county sayings- “Blowing like a sow coon” for a windy day. “Grinning like a mule eating saw briars.” “Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock”. But the funniest were the things he would make up on the spot like when he would poke his head in my door while I had my music on and go “oh, I thought somebody was beating a bag full of cats with a guitar in here”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753.md?page=4)