# Bad one-liners your Dad (or Mom) repeatedly subjected you to, **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 1, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753 "2013-03-01T19:21:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![MareIt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@MareIt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MareIt)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/101 "2014-09-30T01:37:41Z")
Oh and my mother’s other favorite line… What did I do to deserve this? ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/102 "2014-09-30T01:47:58Z")
Us kids: what’s for supper? Dad: Wiener schnitzel mit sauerkraut. He rarely cooked, and we never, ever, had that for dinner. And he was a second generation Canadian. To a kid over for dinner: Are you a good singer? You eat like a bird! (No “peck at a time,” either) ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/103 "2014-09-30T02:50:39Z")
When we’d whine yet again about the dishwasher being broke for over two years, my mother would respond, "I have four dishwashers. Their names are T…, S…, T…, and K… When we’d ask what we could have for dessert, she would always singsong, “Light, bright, just right - nothing!” ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/104 "2014-09-30T03:30:21Z")
These are hilarious! Mainly because I don’t have to hear them every damn second. My father was awful with things like these. But the one I remember best was a little joke that he loved to tell over and over. He knew it was annoying, but he just liked the joke that much! Q: What does a dock dog go? A: Wharf wharf > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > The one I’ve never even figured out what it means; when I stood in front of the t.v. to block it, she would say, “Was your daddy a glass maker?” > … > ETA: I just noticed that MsWhatsit’s grandma was also a fan of corny sayings to keep us out in front of the tv too. MsWhatsit, why the hell were you and I always in the way of the damn tv? I got (imagine a strong New York accent) “Is your father a glazier?” The layout of the den ensured we were always in front of the TV. It was effectively the hallway between the kitchen and upstairs. So you’d be walking through and something on the TV would catch your eye and you’d look at it…and then “Is yer fadda a glazier?” It never occurred to me to ask what a glazier actually was. ---
**Author:** ![Waymore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Waymore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waymore)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/105 "2014-09-30T05:11:52Z")
Me: What’s for dinner? Mom: Food. Recently my daughter had a test over Latin and Greek roots in her science class. Daughter: I got an A on my roots test. Me: Couldn’t have been too hard. The orange one was a carrot. Too bad that will most likely be a one time only joke. ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/106 "2014-09-30T14:09:15Z")
My father would get a mischievous twinkle in his eye, raise his hand in the benediction symbol and solemnly intone: “Peace upon thee.” The only possible response is “…And also upon thee.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/107 "2014-09-30T15:09:57Z")
Apparently, my family had a LOT of old punch lines they tossed around at odd moments. Any time someone said the words “Would I,” you could count on my Mom and Dad replying (in unison), “Peg leg! Peg leg!” If there’s ANYONE who doesn’t know the ancient joke that came from… There was once a very shy boy from a poor family. In his childhood, he had lost an eye, and his family couldn’t afford a lifelike glass prosthetic, so he had to wear a wooden eye with a blue iris and pupil painted on it. He was extremely sensitive about his wooden eye, and that made him very nervous about approaching girls. One night, at his high school’s Spring Dance, he noticed a pretty girl sitting in the corner, and this girl had a wooden leg. The boy thought that, finally, there was a girl who’d be receptive to his advances! So, he walked up to her, smiled, and said, “Would you like to dance with me?” The excited girl stood up and exclaimed, “Would I? Would I?” The boy thought he was being insulted, and yelled back, “PEG LEG! PEG LEG!” ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/108 "2014-09-30T17:51:03Z")
> [@Waymore](#): > > Me: What’s for dinner? > Mom: Food. Also: “What’s for dinner?” “You have a choice: Take it, or leave it.” ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/109 "2014-09-30T18:20:32Z")
Must be something about graveyards. Every time we passed one we would get: Dad: How many dead people are in that cemetery? Me: I don’t know Dad: All of them! This time of year always reminds me of my Grandpa’s favorite joke whenever a “V” formation of Canada Geese flew over Grandpa: You know why one side of the V is always longer than the other? Me: No, why? Grandpa: More geese on that side ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/110 "2014-09-30T19:27:10Z")
Any time a camera was taken out for pictures, my dad always asked, “ya want one of me alone?” Often times when someone farted, my dad would say “Fido!” (it’s the start of the punchline from the last joke on [this page](http://www.rtcx.net/smelly-one-liners-longer-fart-jokes/)). ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/111 "2014-09-30T20:42:31Z")
> [@velvetjones](#): > > In response to “but Dad, you have to…” The response to that in my house was always “Stop calling me a butt dad!” Another one that got repeated way too many times was Kid: “I’ve never heard that song/seen that movie” Dad: “Neither did Helen Keller but you don’t hear her whining about it” ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/112 "2014-10-01T02:42:35Z")
My father would say, when he wanted some peace and quiet: “Run around the corner and see if it’s raining.” A friend would say to his kids: “Go tell your mother she wants you.” ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/113 "2014-10-01T03:25:21Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Apparently, my family had a LOT of old punch lines they tossed around at odd moments. > > Any time someone said the words “Would I,” you could count on my Mom and Dad replying (in unison), “Peg leg! Peg leg!” > > If there’s ANYONE who doesn’t know the ancient joke that came from… > > There was once a very shy boy from a poor family. In his childhood, he had lost an eye, and his family couldn’t afford a lifelike glass prosthetic, so he had to wear a wooden eye with a blue iris and pupil painted on it. He was extremely sensitive about his wooden eye, and that made him very nervous about approaching girls. > > One night, at his high school’s Spring Dance, he noticed a pretty girl sitting in the corner, and this girl had a wooden leg. The boy thought that, finally, there was a girl who’d be receptive to his advances! So, he walked up to her, smiled, and said, “Would you like to dance with me?” > > The excited girl stood up and exclaimed, “Would I? Would I?” > > The boy thought he was being insulted, and yelled back, “PEG LEG! PEG LEG!” It is a classic, but it’s [“Hair lip! hair lip!”](https://www.google.com/search?safe=active&client=safari&hl=en&q=hair+lip+hair+lip+joke&spell=1&sa=X&ei=ZHMrVICVLYifyASbyoGQBA&ved=0CBsQvwUoAA) ---
**Author:** ![LouLou7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@LouLou7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouLou7)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/114 "2014-10-01T03:45:39Z")
Almost every night at the dinner table, as we dished the vegetables onto our plate, my dad would grin and say…“Eat every carrot and pea on your plate”… … … get it? PEE ON YOUR PLATE!!! HarHar!!! ---
**Author:** ![sich\_hinaufwinden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@sich\_hinaufwinden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sich_hinaufwinden)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/115 "2014-10-01T03:57:48Z")
> [@August\_West](#): > > Must be something about graveyards. Every time we passed one we would get: > > Dad: How many dead people are in that cemetery? > Me: I don’t know > Dad: All of them! I’ve seen the several cemetery ones in the thread but not quite like my dad would say where he’d pose it as a riddle: "You know why they had to put up that fence around the cemetery?‘’ "Cause people were just dying to get in.‘’ > [@August\_West](#): > > This time of year always reminds me of my Grandpa’s favorite joke whenever a “V” formation of Canada Geese flew over > > Grandpa: You know why one side of the V is always longer than the other? > Me: No, why? > Grandpa: More geese on that side I can’t wait to use this one! Whenever we’d ask my grandfather what he was doing he’d say: “Making a handle for a duck’s nest.” He also liked to say after dinner: "Guess what’s for dessert!‘’ “What?” “The table!” As young kids we didn’t know the verb ‘desert’ but we knew we weren’t getting any dessert. ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Norse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/big_norse/32/9954_2.png) [@Big\_Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Norse)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/116 "2014-10-01T16:30:52Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > My father like to give places and people funny names, like “Marlon Branflakes” (Brando), “Pass-the-junk Avenue” (Passyunk, in Philly), “Sure-kill Crawlway” (Schuylkill Expressway – also in Philly), “horse-pistol” (hospital), etc. My mother loved David Hasselblatt in Knightrider. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/117 "2014-10-01T19:37:09Z")
> [@Big\_Norse](#): > > My mother loved David Hasselblatt in Knightrider. My dad got my brother and me concert tickets for that super rock group “Van Heflin”. He also was quite fond of the perfume I wore in high school - “Jungle Gorilla” (Jungle Gardenia). A couple that I still use: If someone is complaining about some pain or other I say “does your face hurt?” and after they reply I say “it’s killing me!”. If someone cracks a joke at my expense I say “You’re funny, but looks aren’t everything” Neither of my partents approved of referring to someone as “she” in that person’s presence and would say “\*she \*is the cat’s mother; (so and so) has a name” ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/118 "2014-10-01T19:53:55Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > It is a classic, but it’s [“Hair lip! hair lip!”](https://www.google.com/search?safe=active&client=safari&hl=en&q=hair+lip+hair+lip+joke&spell=1&sa=X&ei=ZHMrVICVLYifyASbyoGQBA&ved=0CBsQvwUoAA) I heard that version of the joke as an adult. What can I say? Mom and Dad heard the joke a different way, and it stuck with them! ---
**Author:** ![partypooper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@partypooper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partypooper)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/119 "2014-10-01T20:37:02Z")
If someone said “I might” my dad would always say “You know what a might (mite) is? It’s something that stays on a chicken’s ass”. And any time someone would say something about hormones, he would say “You know how to make a hormone?” Say it out loud, it makes more sense. I actually thought that one was kinda funny but it didn’t get as much use as the mite one. If it had, it wouldn’t be funny. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2014, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753/120 "2014-10-01T20:52:00Z")
> [@partypooper](#): > > And any time someone would say something about hormones, he would say “You know how to make a hormone?” Say it out loud, it makes more sense. …Put sand in the KY Jelly, of course! (I still kind of marvel that my parents let me have the extremely age-inappropriate collection of joke books I had when I was a grade-schooler. 🙂 ) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-one-liners-your-dad-or-mom-repeatedly-subjected-you-to/651753.md?page=5)