# Bad public speaking skills... and I have to give a toast at a wedding tomorrow! Help **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 5, 2001, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567 "2001-10-05T13:25:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/1 "2001-10-05T13:25:29Z")
I’m the matron of honor in my friends’ wedding tomorrow and I have to give a toast at the reception. I have no idea what to say! I’m not good at speaking in front of large crowds and this is probably going to be a pretty large crowd so I’m nervous and afraid I’m going to make an ass out of myself. What exactly am I supposed to say?? Am I supposed to say something funny or something eloquent? Do I talk about something funny that happened to us as kids? How long do I speak? HELP! ---
**Author:** ![Xerxes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/d2c977/32.png) [@Xerxes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xerxes)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/2 "2001-10-05T13:33:09Z")
I probably can’t answer your questions, since I’m in the UK and don’t have any experience at (I presume) US weddings. BUT… Have you ever been to a wedding? How long did the MofH’s speech last? Have you been to \> 1? Which was the best MofH’s speech you can remember? Why was it so good? Because it was witty? Short? ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/3 "2001-10-05T13:36:29Z")
My advice? Short and sweet. One joke and one eloquent statement. Raise your glass. Drink. Smile. And be done with it. 🙂 And you don’t even have to write either. There are so many quotes pages out there, like my girlfriend’s [quote page here] ([http://hometown.aol.com/saratogajt/quotes.html](http://hometown.aol.com/saratogajt/quotes.html)). 😉 Just search around… find a funny one and a sweet one that applies to the couple well… say them a couple times to get your timing down… and you’ll be good to go. The reason I say “short and sweet” is, it’s been my experience that at most weddings, everyone else wants to hurry up and get that “wedding stuff” over with so they can get back to drinking and partying. Anyway, good luck. I’m sure someone else will be along shortly with much better advice than mine. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/4 "2001-10-05T13:38:20Z")
1. You won’t make a fool of yourself. Anyone who worries about it don’t do it. It’s only those who don’t think in those terms who end up looking foolish. 2. This is not a test. Nobody is grading you. 3. Make mistakes. The key if you do something wrong is to move on and not call attention to it. If you mispronounce the groom’s name, just keep going. If you stop and apologize, you’ll just dig yourself into a hole (though you can apologize personally later). 4. Audiences are not likely to attack. 5. Don’t worry about it. If you happen to be less than scintillating, all that means is that no one will remember that you did it. 6. A lot of people will admire you for getting up to say it, no matter what you say. As far as what to say – speak from the heart. Say exactly how you feel. A short, simple and sincere toast will make a much greater impression than clever words that mean nothing. True eloquence is a matter of expressing your emotions. Say something simple and true and it will be fine. ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/5 "2001-10-05T13:41:19Z")
**Rachelle** , I’m with ya here! I’ve got my sister’s wedding tomorrow and, while I’m not the maid of honor (she’s having a man of honor, since her best friend is a guy. I love flying in the face of tradition!), I’m not sure if I have to say anything during the reception. I’m her only sibling, after all. So, I’m wracking my brain on what to say _if_ the time comes… Good luck with your speech, and having a smashing time at the wedding!!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/6 "2001-10-05T13:55:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Xerxes \* > \*\*Have you ever been to a wedding? How long did the MofH’s speech last? Have you been to \> 1? Which was the best MofH’s speech you can remember? Why was it so good? Because it was witty? Short? \*\* I’ve been to _tons_ of weddings but I don’t really remember the speeches. All the weddings I’ve been to have been open bar… enough said! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/7 "2001-10-05T14:29:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rachelle \* > \*\*I’ve been to _tons_ of weddings but I don’t really remember the speeches. All the weddings I’ve been to have been open bar… enough said! 🙂 \*\* So why are you nervous? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/8 "2001-10-05T14:39:12Z")
Well, if it helps you relax, imagine everyone naked. You know, just sitting there, no clothes on, just hanging out, a couple of people randomly groping each other, that hot couple in the back making out like mad, that man right in front just whacking away like a madman… Wait…you’re only suppose to imagine them in their underwear. Heh. Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![Kamikazee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Kamikazee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamikazee)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/9 "2001-10-05T14:50:56Z")
Had to chime in on this. I was the best man for a friend that was getting married (about 6 months before baby was due). I being a nervous speaker and some what unprepared proceded to get up and toast the happy couple by wishing them a long happy marriage and… **LOTS OF KIDS!!!** Oops. [sub] Not to make you nervous or anything.[/sub] My advice is to keep if brief. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/10 "2001-10-05T14:52:35Z")
I’ve had to speak a number of times at weddings (most recently, last weekend), and it seems to me that guests most appreciate speeches that are short, that are complimentary to the couple and their families and friends, and that are from the heart. If I had to stress one thing, it is that this is not the time to think you are speaking at a celebrity roast. It’s okay to be witty if that’s your style, but avoid any insults or stories of embarrassing moments–and remember especially that the bride and groom probably have done many things (separately and possibly together) that they dont want Granny or Auntie Gertrude to know about. Keep it short and keep it simple. I like **Simetra’s** advice above about “one joke, one eloquent statement, raise your glass, drink and smile.” Only if more wedding speakers would follow it! ---
**Author:** ![Delta-9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@Delta-9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delta-9)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/11 "2001-10-05T15:01:05Z")
Relate a funny or happy “buddy” story (“Funny thing happened on the way over”). Maybe something cute or (not too) embarrasing that happened to the two of you, or the two of them (bride and groom). Big points if you can make either of them blush. Tell how special the bride and groom are to you, that you wish them much happiness, true love lasts forever, etc. Write a couple lines down on a note card in case you freeze up. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/12 "2001-10-05T15:01:34Z")
Here are some short, simple [wedding toasts](http://www.tmclark.com/JP/toasts.html) Here’s some [advice on giving toasts](http://www.thebestman.com/BigDay/bd_t.html) at the Best Man site. Should also apply for MoH. Here’s [more advice](http://www.weddingmag.com/articles/wedding_toasts.asp) from Weddings Magazine. There is a ton of stuff out there. I have never been a Matron/Maid of Honor, so this is the best I can do. Have fun, the only wedding speeches I remember were in movies and a couple of apochryphal stories. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/13 "2001-10-05T15:01:37Z")
I’ve been to three weddings in the last month, and have seen some really good speechs. Here are some things that I really liked: [li] **Thanking the bride’s family for the reception** - they do go through a lot of trouble, and everyone likes to opportunity to applaud them for that (this is rarely done, and is very nice when it is)[/li] [li] **Describing how they met** - Since you’re a friend of the bride, describe this through your eyes. What did you think of him when you first met him? What did she say about him? How did her demeanor change around him/talking about him?[/li] [li] **Something funny** - this can be skipped. But if you have a funny story about the couple, or about the bride (growing up, college, wherever you met her), everyone likes dirt. Last weekend’s wedding mentioned the breakdancing lessons the best man took with the groom when they were in 4th grade. Later, they were called to the dancefloor to display their skills - it was easily the funniest thing I’ve ever seen at a wedding.[/li] [li] **Something touching** - This is usually thrown into how they met. But it could also be a story about what a good friend that the bride is to you. Immediately toast after the “awwww” moment.[/li] Good luck. You’ll do great. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/14 "2001-10-05T15:02:06Z")
Short is good. It usually works to tell some story about whomever you are closest to (presumably the bride) which is not to embarrassing. Stick with something that would not make you blush if it was said about you at your wedding. The bride’s friends will like the nostalgia aspect, and the groom’s friends might learn something new. End the story with tying your anecdote into their current relationship (how they met, cat vs. dog people) It also works to mention what a considerate lover the groom was when you were dating him, so the bride knows she’s in for a real treat. (The sarcasm impaired should ignore the 2nd paragraph) ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/15 "2001-10-05T15:20:31Z")
**Don’t Wing it!** Write it down. Practice it. Put it on outline form on index cards so if you get lost you can refer to it. If you’re nervous search out one friendly face, somebody you like in the middle of the crowd. Focus on them, and pretend you’re speaking to themalone. Talk slowly, loudly and clearly. Be sure and compliment people. Nothing makes a people think a speech is great like when they’re complimented. Here’s a sample speech that is safe if boring: "Ladies (pause,) "Gentlemen (pause) May I have your attention? (pause) Thank you. It is my proud responsibility as the Matron of Honor to present a toast to the Bride and the Groom Before I do that I’d like to take a moment to thank the people who are **really** responsible for this wonderful day. Would Paul and Rose Blutarski, the parents of the bride please stand up? Stay standing please. Would Nancy and Jack Sippowitz, the parents of the bride please stand up? I want to thank all four of you for bringing Jack and Jill, our Bride and Groom into this world. (pause) Thank you for doing such a great job as parents. Thank you for your care and love. Thank you for all you’ve put up and for planning this spectacular wedding, and especially for buying the booze. Jack and Jill have a wonderful example in their parents. With that, I would like to propose a toast! (raise glass) To our bride and groom, Jack and Jill Long life, Love and Happiness!" That’s an easy one. You can do a lot better if you write something to fit the occasion and people, but that’s an idea of a safe and general format that will give you a successful toast. ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/16 "2001-10-05T20:32:04Z")
A lot of good advice here, just two things I’d like to add: 1. Try not to worry about the crowd. The people you are really speaking to are the bride and groom. Speak to them. Everyone else just gets to listen in. 2. Know how you’re going to finish. I once finished up an unplanned toast with “Mazel Tov!” (good luck). Not what one says on the wedding day. Thankfully, only about two of my close friends knew what it meant, so there was no annoyin’ of the goyim. ---
**Author:** ![EternalStudent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecc23a/32.png) [@EternalStudent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EternalStudent)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/17 "2001-10-05T20:53:09Z")
a funny story or two doesn’t hurt. neither does a glass of wine or 6 to melt away the tension. also, if you wear glasses or contacts, take them off. It helps when the audience is just a big blur. * * * I am [not a terrorist.](http://www.notaterrorist.com) ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2001, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/18 "2001-10-06T00:42:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > \*\*Well, if it helps you relax, imagine everyone naked. \*\* I was waiting for somebody to mention this technique. An oldie and a goodie. It works, but doesn’t go far enough. The trick is, right at the start, to _tell them_ you’re doing it. They’ll be the ones squirming, and you’ll be in control. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2001, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-public-speaking-skills-and-i-have-to-give-a-toast-at-a-wedding-tomorrow-help/85567/19 "2001-10-09T21:23:59Z")
Well, how’d it go?