Oooh… me, me, me, me, me!!! I wanna tell my story!!
I was recently given the choice to resign or be fired. I chose to resign, simply because I didn’t want the uber-bitch boss to have that last bit of control. So we’re getting down to my final days. There wasn’t much for me to do at work, but plenty of stuff for me to do at home, so I took Monday and Tuesday off one week. The next weekend I fell off a ladder, badly injuring my ankle (a few weeks before I had had fluid drained from my knee and hip on that same side, and it was looking like I’d need to go back and have all three joints done), so I took Monday off my last week there. I literally hobbled in on Tuesday, to have the following exchange with my boss:
Boss: You know, bobkitty, you have to work with us. We really need you to be here this last week. I’m going to need some kind of a note from your doctor for yesterday.
Me: Okay, look. One (holding up one finger), you have absolutely no idea how much pain medication I’m on right now. I can say this with a fair degree of certainty, because if you did have any idea, you’d be asking me for my car keys. Two (holding up two fingers, palm facing me in true English style), I’ll make a deal with you. When I go in next week to have yet another huge-ass needle stuck in every major joint in my leg, I’ll be sure to have them bottle up the fluid they pull out so I can drop it by as proof that I needed to take yesterday off. After all, I had originally promised the fluid to (other co-worker), but I’m sure he’ll understand. Maybe you two can split it. (working my way up to the coup-de-grace) Three (three fingers up). Jesus tapdancing CHRIST, you bloody ninny. WHEN is this going to stop?? For gods’ sake, YOU WON. I’M LEAVING. In fact (looking at watch for emphasis), in 24 hours you will never have to see me again. Ever. Can you PLEASE suck it up for the next 24 hours? PLEASE?
Never raised my voice, never moved from the spot I’d been standing in. Got the “open mouth, close mouth, open mouth, close mouth, back slooooooowly toward the door” response. ::snicker:: When I saw her to have her sign my timecard she tried to do the “Oh, keep in touch, take care of yourself” bullshit, but I interrupted her, told her to just pretend that she’d already said everything she felt she needed to to make herself feel better, 'cause I wasn’t interested in hearing it, and walked out.
Ahhhhhhhh. I think everyone should have the opportunity to say “Jesus tapdancing Christ, you bloody ninny” to their boss at some time in their life.
-BK
