# Bad weddings and warning signs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 27, 2016, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738 "2016-12-27T23:24:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/61 "2016-12-30T08:53:39Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > JThe times we’d socialize, she never stopped talking about her hope chest and what was being made for it and how many sets of linens she had and all of this other positively Victoria blather. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7llGHsnFL1g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7llGHsnFL1g) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/62 "2016-12-30T09:34:39Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > I’ve never understood this custom. What is the point? Apart from a waste of a cake, it’s an act of aggression and contempt, and if you’re going to do that, what’s to stop you doing the full Neanderthal with the club and dragging her off by her hair instead of carrying her across the threshold. …which is a stylized repeat of the Rape of the Sabin Women, anyway… ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/63 "2016-12-30T13:05:58Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > A common mistake. The bride marches down the aisle toward the altar while the organ plays a hymn- she’s thinking “Aisle altar hymn” but she won’t be able to. This deserves a comment. And that comment is: BAD! Bad, bad, BAD! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/64 "2016-12-30T13:45:35Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > She was less than five feet tall and morbidly obese. He was well over six feet tall and skinny as a toothpick. Thanks, now I have “Life In The Fast Lane” going through my head. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/65 "2016-12-30T15:08:07Z")
Guy I knew: “When I was up at the altar and she was walking down the aisle, I thought about you.” Wedding was on the Memorial Day weekend. Before Labor Day she went into his closet and chopped the arms and legs off all his suits. She also slashed up all of his underwear. The divorce took longer than the marriage lasted. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/66 "2016-12-30T15:20:57Z")
Groom (who had a history of substance abuse) disappeared before the wedding, but came back a few weeks later and a new date was set for a few months later. They were married on 9/11 (not the infamous one, but several years before) and he was in jail by Thanksgiving and out shortly after New Years Day. That spring, he hocked some of her jewelry and electronics and took off in her car. She got her stuff back (can’t recall where he left the car) and she never saw him again. The divorce was final on April Fools Day, just over a year after the wedding. Word came eventually that he’d died somewhere out west of an overdose. We all knew it would end badly, but she knew better… yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/67 "2016-12-30T15:21:48Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > I’ve never understood this custom. What is the point? Apart from a waste of a cake, it’s an act of aggression and contempt, and if you’re going to do that, what’s to stop you doing the full Neanderthal with the club and dragging her off by her hair instead of carrying her across the threshold. Perhaps a cake, in the shape of a club, and some sort of cart… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/68 "2016-12-30T15:40:24Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > A common mistake. The bride marches down the aisle toward the altar while the organ plays a hymn- she’s thinking “Aisle altar hymn” but she won’t be able to. > [@robardin](#): > > This deserves a comment. And that comment is: BAD! Bad, bad, BAD! Don’t blame Bob, I’ve heard that one before. ---
**Author:** ![JHBoom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/13edae/32.png) [@JHBoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JHBoom)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/69 "2017-01-01T17:15:58Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > If my husband had tried the cake to the face with me, it would have been over in five minutes. > > You are talking about smashing the cake in her face, right? I’ve never seen that happen in a marriage that’s lasted. Different traditions for different people, I guess, but my family would have been horrified. > [@Seanette](#): > > DH and I solidly agreed that that was totally unappealing and inappropriate. We did the more dignified “feed each other a bit” thing. > [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Us, too, except I ended with dabbing a bit of cake on his nose. The smashing thing I’ll never understand. “Smashing” was the wrong word to use. I’m not referring to taking a plate of cake and smashing it in the bride or groom’s face, like a clown/circus gag. I’m referring to making a bit of a mess of each other’s faces with the cake & frosting, while doing the feed each other a bite of cake thing. I’ve seen it at nearly every wedding I’ve ever been to; maybe it’s a regional thing. My wife and I didn’t do it, but we didn’t have a traditional wedding or reception. > [@PatrickLondon](#): > > I’ve never understood this custom. What is the point? Maybe to have a little fun with a day that, up to that point, has probably been extremely stressful and scripted? Maybe it’s a symbolic gesture that you can each do something that bothers the other, but still laugh about it (or at least ignore it gracefully)? > [@PatrickLondon](#): > > Apart from a waste of a cake, it’s an act of aggression and contempt, and if you’re going to do that, what’s to stop you doing the full Neanderthal with the club and dragging her off by her hair instead of carrying her across the threshold. Seriously? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/70 "2017-01-01T17:22:32Z")
Nah, still don’t get it. Like I said, I dabbed a bit on his nose, but any kind of smooshing cake in each other’s faces is not for me. I know the custom- I just think it’s dopey. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/71 "2017-01-01T17:23:13Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > She was less than five feet tall and morbidly obese. He was well over six feet tall and skinny as a toothpick. > [@Jackmannii](#): > > Thanks, now I have “Life In The Fast Lane” going through my head. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Skara\_Brae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Skara\_Brae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skara_Brae)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/72 "2017-01-01T17:33:06Z")
> [@JHBoom](#): > > “Smashing” was the wrong word to use. I’m not referring to taking a plate of cake and smashing it in the bride or groom’s face, like a clown/circus gag. I’m referring to making a bit of a mess of each other’s faces with the cake & frosting, while doing the feed each other a bite of cake thing. > I’ve seen it at nearly every wedding I’ve ever been to; maybe it’s a regional thing. My wife and I didn’t do it, but we didn’t have a traditional wedding or reception. > > Maybe to have a little fun with a day that, up to that point, has probably been extremely stressful and scripted? Maybe it’s a symbolic gesture that you can each do something that bothers the other, but still laugh about it (or at least ignore it gracefully)? It has to be mutual, and you can’t take it too far. Case in point: [http://thebig98.iheart.com/onair/tige-and-daniel-55580/bride-groom-cake-smash-goes-way-14277573/](http://thebig98.iheart.com/onair/tige-and-daniel-55580/bride-groom-cake-smash-goes-way-14277573/) ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/73 "2017-01-01T17:39:24Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > When the groom says to me before the wedding: “This wouldn’t be a good time to mention my three previous marriages to anyone, they don’t know yet”. I was invited, but couldn’t attend, the wedding of a woman who knowingly married a man who’d already been divorced 3 times. Whether she stopped to consider the wisdom of this I have no idea, as we were not close, but I do know she was eager to settle down and have babies before she got too old. Three days before their first anniversary, he told her he couldn’t handle being married and wanted a divorce. ---
**Author:** ![rbroome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rbroome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rbroome)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/74 "2017-01-01T21:13:46Z")
A lawyer I know said that every one of his college friends, male or female, who expressed doubts about their wedding beforehand ended up needing the lawyer’s professional services within a few years. If you doubt the wisdom of a decision, don’t make a long-term commitment… ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/75 "2017-01-01T21:59:44Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Guy I knew: “When I was up at the altar and she was walking down the aisle, I thought about you.” > > Wedding was on the Memorial Day weekend. Before Labor Day she went into his closet and chopped the arms and legs off all his suits. She also slashed up all of his underwear. > > The divorce took longer than the marriage lasted. :eek: :mad: Some people might find that funny; not me. Anyway, it sounds like she did wise up quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/76 "2017-01-01T22:00:39Z")
Add me in with the folks who think that smashing a cake in the bride or groom’s face is horrific. It is terribly childish and inane, and I cannot think of anything good that is supposed to result of it. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/77 "2017-01-01T22:05:31Z")
> [@Skara\_Brae](#): > > Case in point: [http://thebig98.iheart.com/onair/tige-and-daniel-55580/bride-groom-cake-smash-goes-way-14277573/](http://thebig98.iheart.com/onair/tige-and-daniel-55580/bride-groom-cake-smash-goes-way-14277573/) He threw the top of the cake at her and knocked her down? She went after him next? Couple of children and they should be ashamed of themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/78 "2017-01-02T01:37:23Z")
When several of your friends, your best friend and your sister, all take you out to dinner and urge you not to marry this guy - and when your sister, whom you have been very close to all your lives, declines to be your maid of honor because she cannot in good conscience endorse this action - this might be an indication that this guy is a huge douche. It lasted several years, but it was bad from the beginning, and it ended very badly. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/79 "2017-01-02T02:03:04Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Add me in with the folks who think that smashing a cake in the bride or groom’s face is horrific. It is terribly childish and inane, and I cannot think of anything good that is supposed to result of it. I have never personally witnessed this, whether at a wedding where I was a guest or a worker (when I was in college). However, I’ve known a few people who said this did happen, and all of those marriages ended in divorce after years of abuse. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738/80 "2017-01-02T02:07:29Z")
> [@Toxgoddess](#): > > When several of your friends, your best friend and your sister, all take you out to dinner and urge you not to marry this guy - and when your sister, whom you have been very close to all your lives, declines to be your maid of honor because she cannot in good conscience endorse this action - this might be an indication that this guy is a huge douche. > > It lasted several years, but it was bad from the beginning, and it ended very badly. Or if 100% of the invitations come back “Decline to attend”. Can’t think of anyone who had this happen to them, but I can think of several who had to scale down the reception for this reason. One of them is still together, and appear to be happy, 3 kids and nearly 20 years later, so maybe we were all wrong. I sure hope so. Another indication that you’re with someone you shouldn’t be with? If you start dating someone, and total strangers start coming into your place of business to tell you that you are with someone who is very bad news. This happened to a male friend of mine, and while I never met her, a couple of my other friends knew her and while she may have been extremely promiscuous (the kind of woman he liked, BTW), the phrase “Don’t poke the cray-cray” exists for a reason. :dubious: No, they didn’t get married, and he said she was lousy in the sack. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bad-weddings-and-warning-signs/775738.md?page=5)