# Badasses Needed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 4, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756 "2007-04-04T19:50:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/1 "2007-04-04T19:50:34Z")
OK, you’ve been selected to go on a secret mission, the details of which you don’t know. You are to assemble a team of six of the baddest badasses from any TV show ever aired, with no more than one from any given show. Who do you select, and why? Here’s my selections: The Fonz - The power of the “aaaaay” cannot be underestimated. Walker, Texas Ranger - He could roundhouse kick a T. Rex into submission. Kwai Chan Caine - Wisdom _and_ kung fu. River (Firefly) - When it’s time to kill, she can kill. OK, so she’s a psycho, but I think Caine can keep her calm when needed. Spock - Knowledge, logic, and vulcan fighting skills. Starbuck (New BSG) - She’s the best pilot, boxer, etc. in the fleet. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/2 "2007-04-04T20:02:17Z")
Jack Bauer, Hiro, Sayid, Starbuck, Dean Winchester, and Harry Dresden. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/3 "2007-04-04T20:08:56Z")
Teal’c ( **Stargate SG-1** ) - huge, fierce, devoted to justice. Has cool alien weapons, too. Ellen Ripley ( **Alien** & its sequels) - a kickass broad with a big heart and a good mind. Worf ( **Star Trek: The Next Generation** ) - a Klingon who can tolerate humans. Barely. Vic Mackey ( **The Shield** ) - some people just need killin’, and Vic knows which ones. Chloe O’Brien ( **24** ) - efficient, brainy, and loyal. Knows how to use big guns. Brisco County, Jr ( **The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr** ) - gotta have my eye-candy. ---
**Author:** ![tirial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@tirial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tirial)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/4 "2007-04-04T20:12:03Z")
Not sure about the greatest badasses, but my pick for a kickass team would be: Francis Urqhart (House of Cards) - the brains, strategy and political savvy. Avon (Blake’s 7). Logic, high intelligence, ruthless and utterly callous. Excellent with computers. MacGyver (MacGyver) - can build anything: engineer and go-to guy. Nikita (La Femme Nikita) - infiltration, seduction, espionage and assasination Wolverine (X-man cartoon) - the muscle. Robert McCall (The Equalizer) - weaponry, contacts and reasonable all-rounder. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/5 "2007-04-04T20:12:51Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] Jack Bauer, Hiro, Sayid, Starbuck, Dean Winchester, and Harry Dresden. [/QUOTE] Aw, c’mon, you gotta explain why you like them! Also, _which_ Starbuck? ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/6 "2007-04-04T20:15:44Z")
Optimus Prime B.A. Baracus Micheal Knight (does he get to bring his car?) Do they have to be exclusive? Cause the rest have already been said. River Hiro Walker ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/7 "2007-04-04T20:22:16Z")
Walker, Texas Ranger - Obvious. You could argue that you wouldn’t need anyone else on the team; they would just get in his way. Kato (Green Hornet’s sidekick) - It’s Bruce Lee, ferchrissakes. River (Firefly) - As others have mentioned, she is a virtual killing machine as well as being pretty much psycho. Do they have to be heroic? If not, then Sylar (Heroes) - He has a multitude of powers and is absolutely ruthless. Dexter Morgan (Dexter) - Smart, deadly, the serial killer with a heart of gold. ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/8 "2007-04-04T20:22:26Z")
[QUOTE=brewha] Optimus Prime B.A. Baracus Micheal Knight (does he get to bring his car?) Do they have to be exclusive? Cause the rest have already been said. River Hiro Walker [/QUOTE] Optimus Prime - You need a badass leader B.A. Baracus - Muscle and bling Micheal Knight (does he get to bring his car?) - Do I really need a reason here? Do they have to be exclusive? Cause the rest have already been said. River - I too need my eye candy. (What do you mean she’s a minor?) Hiro - For the sticky situations where time is against you. Walker - Because after a long night of drinking, he doesn’t throw up - He throws down! It was too late to edit, so I just added my reasoning. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/9 "2007-04-04T20:27:21Z")
Jeeves, from the PG Wodehouse stories (which have been serialized on PBS several times, so it counts for TV! WHOOHOO!) becuase he can pull a solution out of anything. Any time. He’s an evil genius, and will gladly twist minds to ensure that the other badasses work to a common purpose. I’ll also take River Tam. (Firefly) She may be psycho, but she’s still hard to stop. And will be awesome at HUMINT. Saeba Ryu ([City Hunter](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/City_Hunter) - hey no one said it HAD to be live action, dammit.) Guns, demolitions, and comic relief. MacGuyver - because I’ll want someone to be able to provide tech/engineering support. Provided I have some way to ensure her loyalty - Callisto, from Xena, Warrior Princess. (The evil version of her, not the wimpy version, dammit. That other doesn’t exist.) Just send her off to create distractions for the rest of the team, while we carry out the main objective. (Risky, I know. On the one hand, what I recall of her personality would have her eager and happy to create distractions for the sake of the large amounts of destruction and chaos that such would require; on the other hand she’d be more than a bit miffed to be in a ‘support’ role.) Finally for the luck and _je ne sais quos_ factor: Justy Ueki Tylor from [Irresponsible Captain Tylor](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irresponsible_Captain_Tylor). A man who always seems to get through the impossible. Even when you’re sure he shouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/10 "2007-04-04T20:32:56Z")
[QUOTE=Ponder Stibbons] Aw, c’mon, you gotta explain why you like them! Also, _which_ Starbuck? [/QUOTE] Oh, _fine_. 😛 😉 Jack Bauer, one of the very Ultimate Badasses, because if he can’t figure out the answer on his own he can just torture it out of somebody. Hiro, because he’s geeky and cute and he can stop time and he has a really, really big sword. Sayid’s in there for the tactics and strategy and general level-headedness (this partners off well with the more volatile Starbuck and Jack) as well as the kicking physical arse. Starbuck because as someone mentioned before, she’s a top-class pilot and fighter. Dean’s got a full arsenal of guns _and_ can take down any supernatural baddies, and Harry Dresden’s got magic on his side. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/11 "2007-04-04T20:36:04Z")
Heh. These lists remind me of an “Update the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” thread we had a year or so ago. But it’s more fun if you restrict your team to a particular era, like “Victorian-era fiction”. So my team, taken from 70s/80s action adventure fantasy shows: Steve Austin. The 6 million dollar man. Wonder Woman. In her satin tights. David Banner. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Michael Knight. Drives a car. Mork. From Ork. Kolchak. The night stalker. MacGyver. Obvious. ---
**Author:** ![LilShieste](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@LilShieste](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilShieste)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/12 "2007-04-04T20:41:25Z")
[QUOTE=brewha] Optimus Prime B.A. Baracus Micheal Knight (does he get to bring his car?) Do they have to be exclusive? Cause the rest have already been said. River Hiro Walker [/QUOTE] I agree. I think duplicates are inevitable. With that said, I would choose the same people as **brewha** , except with the following substitution: Walker ==\> [Brock Samson](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_9j5x-AWIg) (Venture Bros.) LilShieste ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/13 "2007-04-04T20:49:39Z")
I haven’t seen Furio Giunta (_The Sopranos_) mentioned so far. His picture is by the “badass” definition in the dictionary. ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/14 "2007-04-04T20:53:58Z")
13 posts, and no love for Buffy? ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/15 "2007-04-04T20:58:16Z")
Peter Patrelli (as he stands now, as far as powers) - Invisible, Stops Time, Telekinesis, Self-Healing Data - incredibly strong, incredibly smart, tough to kill (almost put in Wesley Crusher for the sheer _Deus ex Machina_ he always exhibited, but Data will suffice) Jack Baeur - With him in the game, the crisis will NEVER last more than 24 consecutive hours Buffy - Kicks a lot of ass, comic relief, good looking Batman - when all else fails, Batman has gotta have a plan ---
**Author:** ![guppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7feea3/32.png) [@guppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guppy)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/16 "2007-04-04T21:01:54Z")
Maybe it’s because I just watched all of \*the Wire \* episodes on DVD but: Omar Little Brother Mouzone ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/17 "2007-04-04T21:13:09Z")
I’m surprised I haven’t seen Captain Kirk in here at all. No matter what happens, regardless of the odds, Captain Kirk is almost entirely singlehandedly responsible for saving the day every time. Not saying I’d necessarily want him on my team, but it’d be nice to know the cosmic writers are backing you like that. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/18 "2007-04-04T21:29:53Z")
**Samurai Jack** –Come on, he’s Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan rolled into one, with a magic sword and a cooler attitude. **Samantha Carter** –I’d actually rather have Sam than Teal’c. Sam’s a higher-tech MacGyver (neglecting the fact that she sort of _works_ for MacGyver), she’s cuter, and she can shoot as well as beat pseudo-Mongolian hordesmen in knife fights. Also, she _blew up a star_. You can’t get more badass than that without giving her a purple lightsaber. **River Tam** –Can’t argue here. 90 megatons of badass in a 90-pound package. **Harry Dresden** –In case we run into something magical that Jack can’t reach/affect. Also, I’d pay good money and bang on a drum to see him turn Sue loose on the enemy. He stays well away from Carter. **Data** –Super strength, perfect memory, high intelligence, and he’s almost unkillable. Also, he’ll provide someone for Carter to talk to, so the rest of us don’t waste too much time staring blankly. If he does get damaged, Carter can probably fix him. Carter can fix anything. **Susan Ivanova** –She’s in charge. Who else could keep this pack in line? She’s also a solid fighter pilot, if that should become necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/19 "2007-04-04T21:39:58Z")
Grounded in Reality team Omar Little. One of the baddest mofos in TV history. Vic Mackey. I’d want him watching my back. Furio Giunta. Muscle, efficient, professional. Thomas Magnum. Naval Intelligence, combat experience Lieutenant–Colonel Richard Sharpe. Battlefield cunning Andy Sipowicz. Have him go in first and make friends with the enemy - they’ll be dead soon enough. Supernatural Team Dr. Jonathan Chase. Turning into any animal would be a useful skill Cole (when he was The Source) Shimmering, shapeshifting, hell fireballs Data. Super strength, super computer Ka D’Argo. Qualta Blade/Rifle, Luxan Hyper-Rage… Mal. I don’t need River if I’ve already got Cole. Bruce Banner. We’ll just need someone to make him angry. I hear you wouldn’t like that. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/20 "2007-04-04T21:41:50Z")
If we’re doing cartoon characters, too, then I’ll have to go with Samurai Jack because… well, just because. He’s just THAT tough. Master swordsman, Shaolin monk, tactical genius, zen master and big jumper, he could take Walker, Texas Moustache our with nary a narrowing of the eyes and a flick of the wrist. Plus, he manages to tear his shirt more often than even Kirk did. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756.md?page=2)