# Badasses Needed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 4, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756 "2007-04-04T19:50:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/21 "2007-04-04T21:46:29Z")
I’m choosing only one: **Bender**! He’s pretty bad-ass in an attitudinal way. If he fails… like he gives a crap! And besides, bite his shiny metal ass! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/22 "2007-04-04T21:51:52Z")
– Brains – [Velma Dinkley](http://www.velmadinkley.com/bk_velma.jpg). Encyclopedic knowledge of science and the supernatural. Superhuman deductive reasoning skills. – Muscle – [Brock Samson.](http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/image/brock2004812-03_1092303576.jpg) Hair-trigger killing machine. Licensed assassin. Led Zeppelin fan. – Stealth – [Aeon Flux.](http://www.kesslerkraft.com/images/AeonFlux_Eye_hi.jpg) Hair-trigger killing machine. Free-lance assassin. Fetish model. – Hacker – [Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV.](http://www.danielchiang.com/Pics/CowboyBebop/ed02.jpg) Unparalleled computer skills. Terminally weird. – Heavy Artillery – [Tachikoma.](http://www.photonworks.net/gallery/cinema4d/c4d-tachikoma.jpg) An invisble cybernetic spider-tank with the mind of a Japanese schoolgirl. Essential. ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/23 "2007-04-04T21:54:31Z")
**Wonder Woman** **Xena** **Max Guevara** **Lt Col Sarah MacKenzie** **Tiffany Malloy** **Kelly Bundy** What? ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/24 "2007-04-04T22:13:44Z")
Good thread idea! I especially liked **brewha’s** list – B. A. Baracus came to my mind right away as well, although I actually thought of “Mr. T” without realizing he’s a real person and not a character. He might as well be fictional, though, right? B. A. Baracus/Mr. T, because really, he’s just cool Willow Rosenberg, tech skills, magic, and generally fun to be around. Sheriff Harry S. Truman (Twin Peaks, for you young’uns), I think we need some common sense and he’s good in a fight. (It was really tough not picking Deputy Hawk) Tony Almeida, he’s nearly as handy as Jack, and less annoying. Sayid Jarrah, strategic and won’t hesitate to cut your fingers off and [sub]eye candy[/sub] Silvio Dante, Furio is an excellent choice, but he’s getting too much play in this thread and I think Silvio is a good alternative because he’s got the stone cold thing down and he’s a good team player. Also, he could handle all the money. I already see some problems with this list, first, that I’m not sure if anyone can fly a plane, which could come up on a secret mission. I’m going to assume that if Jack can fly a plane, Tony probably can as well. Second, I think my list is more of Crafty People, and not Badasses. But I think they are crafty in a badassy way, and could get the job done on a secret mission, and with Silvio, we could do the secret mission _and_ start selling surplus equipment on the black market to turn a tidy profit at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/25 "2007-04-04T22:36:02Z")
Spider Man. Superhuman speed, strength, webs, nearly unhittable. Samurai Jack. A guy who tries to take on a skyscraper sized robot with a sword. The Incredible Hulk, in case you need something smashed. Motoko Kusanagi; strong, tough,heavily armed, super-hacker, and can turn invisible. Plus, she’s cute and runs around barely dressed. Brock Samson : Because no team of badasses would be complete without him. Aeon Flux, cartoon version. Mad combat skillz. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/26 "2007-04-04T23:08:54Z")
Who is this Hiro that has been mentioned? ---
**Author:** ![enigm4tic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/27 "2007-04-04T23:33:25Z")
Hiro Nakamura from the series Heroes. Has the ability to bend time and space, and a really cool sword. I decided if I wanted to _really_ slant a team **Peter Patrelli** - has multiple ridiculously cool superpowers **Clark Kent** - well duh **Data** - super strong, super smart, super good with computers **River** - for all the reasons above **Jean Grey** - Just in case somebody needs massive amounts of power suddenly unleashed on them Their only weakness might be planning, but I’m pretty sure Data can handle that. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/28 "2007-04-04T23:35:15Z")
this is so cool! harry dresden: very cool, kick your ass magik. who the hell wouldn’t want him on the team? and because ‘sue’ was so freakin’ cool. _damn, but that’s some talent…_ the chick from ‘silent hill.’ she already knows priorities and how to kick some ass. sayid from ‘lost’ because, _damn, he’s fine_ with or without the shirt (okay, the man is serious eye-candy. i have priorities!). and he knows from torture, baby. he gets answers! locke from ‘lost,’ because _'he knows_.’ ivanova from B5: anyone who can make the line ‘if you get near a point, make it!’ work, they are SO on my list. if i were gay, i’d majorly want her. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/29 "2007-04-04T23:39:20Z")
Belker from _Hill Street Blues_ – master of disguise, tough as nails, fanatical, never gives up. Hawk from _Spenser for Hire_ – the coolest and the baddest. Titus Pullo and Lucius Vorenus from _Rome_ --fearsome, fearsome warriors, and strangely favoured by the Gods. Gus McCrae and Woodrow Call from _Lonesome Dove_ --they’ll track down the baddest of the bad, hang 'em, and be back in time for supper. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/30 "2007-04-04T23:50:15Z")
Vern Schillinger – “OZ” Leader of the prison Arian brotherhood. Very manipulative, a natural leader, sick on the inside, but knows how to present him as “normal.’ A scary psycho. Sergeant Saunders – “Combat” A man a few words. Another natural leader of men during WWII. He seemed to not be afraid of anything, or at least didn’t show it. And no one ever challenged him. Andy Sipowicz – ‘NYPD Blue” If he’s drunk or sober, and you piss him off, you don’t want to be in his way. Tony Soprano – ‘The Sopranos” There’s a lot of badasses on the show, but he’s the boss, and he kicks. Nick Barkley “The Big Valley” The character was probably in a saloon fight in every episode. And he had a way about him that just dared anyone to try him. Except his mother, of course. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/31 "2007-04-05T00:06:36Z")
forgot one. Dennis Farina “Crime Story” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/32 "2007-04-05T00:16:51Z")
[QUOTE=adam yax] Who is this Hiro that has been mentioned? [/QUOTE] A character on the TV show _Heros_, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/33 "2007-04-05T00:35:41Z")
I’m assuming we’re restricting ourselves to non-comic book based characters; otherwise the answer is obviously the founding members of the Justice League, or some iteration of Clark Kent. Okay, I’ll go with… Angel, everybody’s favorite ensouled vampire Faith, everybody’s second-favorite vampire slayer Gwen Raiden, Angel’s mutant electrokinetic thief “friend” Jack Bauer Wesley Wyndham Price Jarod from The Pretender; and Angus Macguyver ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/34 "2007-04-05T00:42:09Z")
**Willow Rosenberg** –_Buffy the Vampire Slayer_. Extremely powerful magic, especially if I could get her at that moment in season six just as her powers were at their peak, but before she went psycho. **Saito** –_Ghost in the Shell: SAC_. Sniper with artificially enhanced eye. **The Doctor** –_Doctor Who_. Not a bad ass per se, but a level head in a crisis, knows everything, and will resolve conflicts in the group. Sonic screwdriver pretty much magyver in a toothbrush holder. **Seven of Nine** –_Star Trek Voyager_. Efficient, logical, ruthless, enhanced abilities, easy on the eyes. **Teal’c** –_Stargate SG-1_. Just 'cause he has that badass mystic warrior thing going on. **Homer Simpson** –_The Simpsons_. Extra layer of fluid in skull allows him to take repeated blows to the head from a surgical two-by-four without ill effect. Is almost, but not quite, immune to being drawn into a cult. Can sort of turn into the Incredible Hulk. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/35 "2007-04-05T00:44:44Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] I’m assuming we’re restricting ourselves to non-comic book based characters; otherwise the answer is obviously the founding members of the Justice League, or some iteration of Clark Kent. Okay, I’ll go with… Angel, everybody’s favorite ensouled vampire Faith, everybody’s second-favorite vampire slayer Gwen Raiden, Angel’s mutant electrokinetic thief “friend” Jack Bauer Wesley Wyndham Price Jarod from The Pretender; and Angus Macguyver [/QUOTE] The OP said no more that one character per show. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/36 "2007-04-05T01:38:58Z")
Just to be different, I’m going to make my list of all mundane, non-super power people. **Omar Little** – so clever, so tough, this guy is the most righteous thug of all time, and in my Top 2 Most Favorite TV Characters of All Time, after… **Al Swearengen** – just to listen to him talk, he’s scary, brilliant, evil but loyal; heng tai, cocksucker. **Dana Scully** – she put the “I” in FBI; will always be one of my favorites **Titus Pullo** – ever seen this guy fight? An affable tough, he’d be the muscle in the group **Sydney Bristow** – is there a woman TV character who was cooler under fire or kicked more ass? Xena, maybe, but when we’re talking non-super heroes, Sydney is tops. (I’m choosing to ignore all that Rambaldi stuff) **Vic Mackey** – the man is ruthless and made of teflon; he can run scam after scam and never get caught (just watched the season premiere) I’m sure I’ll think of other people after I post this, but these are some of my favorite characters of all time. Jack Bauer is not on list because I don’t watch 24, but he probably would be if I did. Thought about including Tony Soprano, so he’s a runner up. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/37 "2007-04-05T02:15:09Z")
I like the idea of doing “real-life” characters vs. supernatural/sci-fi ones, so here are my two lists: Real: Jack Bauer Do I really need anyone else? 😛 Ok, ok, add to that: Chuck Norris - If Chuck Norris were to roundhouse kick Jack Bauer while Jack simultaneously shot him with his 9mm, the universe might very well explode from sheer awesomeness. MacGuyver - Since I can’t have Chloe, due to the one per show rule, he’ll be my tech guy. Brock Samson - I know that Brock lives in a world of supernatural and super-science, but he’s normal, so I include him. Elliot Stabler - Sometimes you just need some good, old-fashioned, detective work. Kate [lastname] (from Lost) - She’s a badass, and very nice looking. The hardest part will be getting her to play nicely with others. Again, the Lost world has some crazy stuff, but Kate is normal, so I say she’s allowed. If we include crazy-shit: Peter Petrelli - why just have one hero when I can have, in essence, several? Just cut those damn emo bangs and we’re in business. Faith - Super hot, and super deadly. Plus, less annoying and more likely to have a wild night of passion (or several) with me than Buffy. Dr.Orpheus - A bit overly-dramatic at times, but he can work some serious mojo when the time comes. Leela - Another ass-kicking hottie. Optimus Prime - Do I even need a reason? He’s Optimus fucking prime! Mace Windu - Force powers and a lightsaber? Check and double-check! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/38 "2007-04-05T03:31:09Z")
[QUOTE=delphica] I’m going to assume that if Jack can fly a plane, [/QUOTE] No need to assume. He actually does fly planes and helicopters in 24. Walker Texas Ranger because he is Chuck Noris. Jack Bauer because he is also bad as ass and I need someone to do interrogations without vaporizing the target with a roundhouse kick (would render Sayid redundant). I guess that’s all. I’ve just figured out that Bauer is the anti-McGuyver. McGuyver can make anything out of anything and never uses guns. Bauer doesn’t make anything but pain and he ONLY caries a gun and a PDA. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/39 "2007-04-05T03:53:35Z")
[QUOTE=Ponder Stibbons] OK, you’ve been selected to go on a secret mission, the details of which you don’t know. [/QUOTE] I cry “Bullshit!” True badasses always work alone. Never leave a living witness, and all that… Aw, well, I’ll play anyway. Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson, Lee Marvin, Rutger Hauer…um…eh… Hitler and Stalin! (Thank you History Channel!) ---
**Author:** ![stanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@stanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stanger)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/40 "2007-04-05T04:15:30Z")
Don’t forget these dangerous little ladies: **Selene** - from Underworld - Sure, she’s a vampire, but she use her inexhaustable twin semi-autos to blast anyone into the next world **Miho** - Deadly Little Miho from Sin City - small, quiet, cold-blooded and good with knife, throwing stars and katana **Aeryn Sun** - from Farscape - How could anyone forget her. Alien-blasting space-babe. “Sorry about the mess.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756.md?page=3)