# Badasses Needed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 4, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756 "2007-04-04T19:50:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/61 "2007-04-05T21:16:45Z")
[QUOTE=Lemur866] Jack Burton, from Big Trouble in Little China Snake Plissken, from Escape from New York Dexter Riley, from The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes Wyatt Earp, from Tombstone Col. Jonathan “Jack” O’Neil, from Stargate (the movie) Gabriel Cash, from Tango and Cash R.J.MacReady, from The Thing Yep. That’s a bassass team for you. [/QUOTE] So long as they all wear nametags… ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/62 "2007-04-05T21:18:19Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] But I still need someone for social engineering, and a steath/intelligence character. Any suggestions? [/QUOTE] Jim Phelps or Roland Hand will do you for that. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/63 "2007-04-05T21:21:00Z")
[QUOTE=Sage Rat] So long as they all wear nametags… [/QUOTE] Dexter Riley would be easy to tell apart from the others. He’s the one that doesn’t need to shave. And Snake Plissken is the only one with an eyepatch. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/64 "2007-04-05T21:25:43Z")
1. When you need a badass, you start at the top of the list: Lex Luthor. Not Rosenbaum, though he IS pretty cool. No, I want the animated Lex with Clancy Brown’s voice. He will eventually betray me, but that’s half the fun. 2. Stripe from the Gremlins. He’s little, evil, and can multiply! 3. Blacula for muscle and clash of the evil titans between him and Luthor. 4. Jayne Cobb from Firefly. Because sometimes you need someone shot. Besides, vampire Jayne. Then he can show up on Buffy. 5. And to keep everyone in line: The good doctor Syn, also known as the Scarecrow of Romney Marsh. ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/65 "2007-04-05T21:35:09Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] But I still need someone for social engineering… [/QUOTE] Fletch? Sorry, I just watched that movie a few days ago. Ooh - how 'bout Keyser Söze! ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/66 "2007-04-05T21:37:42Z")
[QUOTE=Scruloose] Ooh - how 'bout Keyser Söze! [/QUOTE] Bingo! Thread over. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/67 "2007-04-05T21:46:55Z")
I’m suspecting that the “TV Show” element has been thoroughly tossed to the wind (as have good guys…) ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/68 "2007-04-05T22:09:37Z")
[QUOTE=Sage Rat] I’m suspecting that the “TV Show” element has been thoroughly tossed to the wind (as have good guys…) [/QUOTE] Oh… right. Well, _The Usual Suspects_ has been on TV a few times. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/69 "2007-04-05T22:55:41Z")
[QUOTE=Sage Rat] I’m suspecting that the “TV Show” element has been thoroughly tossed to the wind (as have good guys…) [/QUOTE] Good guys? The OP wanted basasses, and you’re complaining that there’s a lack of good guys? Sheesh, we all knew it was really a challenge to find a team that would be full of evil, monstrous people (with possibly some good people along) that could concievably still do some good in the world. I mean, why else would I have included **Jeeves** on my team if I weren’t willing to go for the ultimate in evil? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/70 "2007-04-06T01:23:48Z")
My last list was sci-fi fantasy, so here’s my more “realistic” list. Unfortunately, I’m also violating the TV rule. **Dean Keaton** –_The Usual Suspects_. Team leader and strategist. **Jack Bauer** –_24_. Point man. Muscle. **Sydney Bristow** –_Alias_. Infiltration and back up for Bauer. **Barney Collier** –_Mission Impossible: TOS_. Technical specialist. Just as good if not better than Macguyver, and without that distracting mullet. He’d have to be brought up to speed on modern IT, but I think he’d manage. **Sherlock Holmes** –_Mystery; Various movies_. Brains and reasoning. Not a bad fighter in a pinch, though obviously more useful for his mind. **Bob Lee Swagger** –_Shooter_, various books by Stephen Hunter. World class marksman; can hit a target at 1000 yards routinely. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/71 "2007-04-06T05:03:19Z")
A few from me…at least one’s already been mentioned, to my chagrin. •Motoko Kusanagi “The Major.” (_Ghost in the Shell_) (For a Cyberpunk situation. Or anything else.) •King Leonidas (As depicted in _300,_ at least) (For when you need less finesse, more raw muscle and will) •Destro (_G.I. Joe_)(Either him, or Sgt. Slaughter.) •Major “Dutch” Schaffer (_Predator_) •Alucard (_Hellsing_) (Near-invincible psycho vampire demigod. With a lovely singing voice.) •[Korgoth of Barbaria](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korgoth_of_Barbaria). By my count, that includes four team members who can likely crush a human skull with their bare hands. And I have to admit, I’m kinda surprised that Rambo ain’t made it on the list. ---
**Author:** ![This\_ll\_Do](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/this_ll_do/32/3023_2.png) [@This\_ll\_Do](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/This_ll_Do)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/72 "2007-04-06T09:50:05Z")
Badass with class: Hannibal Lecter, M.D. I would add Lassie to the team: if all else fails you can send the dog to get help. ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/73 "2007-04-06T12:44:39Z")
Here’s my Dream Team: Thomas Magnum of Magnum P.I. Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo of Rome Detectives Frank Pembleton and John Munch from Homicide: Life on the Street Mr. T from the A Team Seth Bullock from Deadwood Chewbacca from the Star Wars Holiday Special Kenny from Southpark Team leader is Captain Kirk. This team cannot be beaten. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/74 "2007-04-06T14:18:24Z")
In my post #50, I listed my Good Guy badasses. Here are my Bad Guy badasses: **Darth Vader:** Well-versed in the Dark Side of the Force; telekinetic; freakishly strong; aggressive light saber wielder.\* **Lex Luthor:** The most recent cartoon version. Cunning and very strong. **Magua:** As played by Wes Studi in the Daniel Day Lewis remake of _Last of the Mohicans_. Scary, relentless, highly motivated, ruthless, a skilled Indian warrior.\* **Lore:** Amoral, extremely strong, encyclopedic knowledge (just like his twin, Data). **Kor:** Erstwhile former Klingon military governor of Organia. Smart, wily, ruthless, streetwise. Would enjoy crossing swords with Kirk again. **Joy Darville Hickey Turner:** Earl Hickey’s ex-wife and frequent adversary. Witheringly sarcastic, some pro wrestling experience, sharp fingernails, +5 White Trash advantage in any fight. \*Hey, the movies have been on TV a lot, right? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/75 "2007-04-06T14:59:43Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] [QUOTE=Sage Rat] I’m suspecting that the “TV Show” element has been thoroughly tossed to the wind (as have good guys…) [/QUOTE] Good guys? The OP wanted basasses … [/QUOTE] Indeed. Although I would point out that YOU are expected to accompany your team. So it may not necessarily be in your best interest to put together the team of ultimate evil if you want to (A) accomplish the mission and (B) live through it. I also limited it to TV to leave open the possibity of a “movie version” thread later, but I guess that indeed “has been thoroughly tossed to the wind”. Nevertheless, I shall stick to TV shows myself. I like the “theme” idea though, of just picking people from a certain era, etc. For this purpose I’m putting together my team of Comedy Badasses:[ul] [li]Lt. Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Investigatory genius and the ability to destroy just about anything while behind the wheel.[/li][li]Fonzie, once again. Aaaaaay.[/li][li]Bull Shannon from Night Court. If he can keep that crazy courtroom in line, he can handle whatever you throw at him.[/li][li]Samuel L. Jackson: Drink Samuel L. Jackson’s Beer before he gets medieval on yo’ ass.[/li][li]Herman Munster? He doesn’t have the right personality to be a true badass, but nothing is going to hurt him. Nothing.[/li][li]Daisy Duke from Dukes of Hazzard. Can you say Distract the Enemy?[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/76 "2007-04-06T16:34:28Z")
[QUOTE=Dr. Rieux] Mal Reynolds beat The Operative, so he could take out Jack Bauer easily. [/QUOTE] And by “easily” I mean it would take Simon a couple of days to put Mal back together. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/77 "2007-04-06T18:33:43Z")
> [@](#): > > Darth Vader: Well-versed in the Dark Side of the Force; telekinetic; freakishly strong; aggressive light saber wielder.\* > > [sub]\*Hey, the movies have been on TV a lot, right?[/sub] Nah, doesn’t count. If you want Star Wars characters, you have to use either _Clone Wars_, or _The Ewok and Droid Hour_. So I’m sad to say, but you’re stuck with Mannakin Skywalker on your team. And were Miles Vorkosigan, Jim Phelps and Roland Hand nominated as social engineers or as stealths? I’m not familiar with them. Also, all you folks nominating Captain Kirk should also put someone on the team who’s very good at ripping shirts. While ripped-shirt Kirk is one of the known elemental forces of the cosmos, he’s a pansy while his shirt is still intact. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/78 "2007-04-06T18:43:13Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] Also, all you folks nominating Captain Kirk should also put someone on the team who’s very good at ripping shirts. While ripped-shirt Kirk is one of the known elemental forces of the cosmos, he’s a pansy while his shirt is still intact. [/QUOTE] So what’s Dr. David Banner, chopped liver? You want a man to rip a shirt, you’ve got your man right there. Oh, you mean rip KIRK’s shirt. Nevermind. Anyway, Miles Vokosigan was never on TV or the movies, so I suppose he doesn’t count anymore. But if you’ve never read Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosigan books, you really should. > **[Vorkosigan Saga](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vorkosigan_Saga)** > > The Vorkosigan Saga is a series of science fiction novels and short stories set in a common fictional universe by American author Lois McMaster Bujold. The first of these was published in 1986 and the most recent in May 2018. Works in the series have received numerous awards and nominations, including five Hugo Award wins including one for Best Series. The point of view characters include women (Cordelia in Shards of Honor, Barrayar, and Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen; Ekaterin in Komarr, A Civ... ---
**Author:** ![xnylder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbce88/32.png) [@xnylder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xnylder)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/79 "2007-04-06T18:45:31Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] Also, all you folks nominating Captain Kirk should also put someone on the team who’s very good at ripping shirts. While ripped-shirt Kirk is one of the known elemental forces of the cosmos, he’s a pansy while his shirt is still intact. [/QUOTE] It seems to me we could start an all-ripped-shirt team: Capt. James T. Kirk Samurai Jack Bruce Banner/The Incredible Hulk Hulk Hogan (hey, he was in a cartoon too) Hercules (the Kevin Sorbo version) Wolverine (As both shirt ripper and rippee) Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my bunk. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gordon\_Urquhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@Gordon\_Urquhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gordon_Urquhart)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756/80 "2007-04-06T20:36:32Z")
• **Dr. Jonathan Chance** from [Manimal](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085051/), because the ability to turn into a hawk or a panther or a rhinoceros or an ant could come in handy • **[Automan](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084978/)**, as long as he brought along his sidekick, Cursor, to create any vehicle or weapon he needs • **Jim Profit** from [Profit](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115323/) – overlooking the fact that he’s a psychopath, his creative thinking abilities are second-to-none • **Thomas Remington Sloane III** from [A Man Called Sloane](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078650/), because you could do a lot worse than have a superspy played by Robert Conrad • **Michael “Lucky” Linkletter** from [Lucky](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0312271/), who brings at least as much good luck as he does bad luck to the effort • **Mr. Roarke** from [Fantasy Island](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077008/), who’s as comfortable neutralizing demons from the netherworld as he is reuniting lost loves. Plus, his gig lasted more than one season.[ul] [/ul] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badasses-needed/398756.md?page=5)