# Badger vs. Gorilla: Who Wins? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816 "2012-03-26T03:12:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/1 "2012-03-26T03:12:23Z")
It’s a standard animal fight situation. Make whatever assumptions you like. Who comes out alive? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/2 "2012-03-26T03:33:32Z")
No question the gorilla. Way, way, way too big and strong. The badger might get some bites in, but that would enrage the gorilla. Gorillas can move with blinding speed, and rip a badger in half with little effort. Not to mention they bite also. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/3 "2012-03-26T03:38:52Z")
What kinds of badger and gorilla? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/4 "2012-03-26T03:39:10Z")
The badger. 'Cause he don’t give a shit. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/5 "2012-03-26T03:48:45Z")
Is the OP serious? I don’t think a badger would have a chance against a _chimpanzee_, never mind a gorilla. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/6 "2012-03-26T05:14:28Z")
Are the badgers ill-tempered? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/7 "2012-03-26T05:16:22Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Are the badgers ill-tempered? All badgers are ill-tempered. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/8 "2012-03-26T06:02:22Z")
Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger? ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/9 "2012-03-26T06:12:56Z")
the honey badger will die and the gorilla will be neutered. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/10 "2012-03-26T06:28:53Z")
Well, it depends. Is it a badger or a badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger? ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/11 "2012-03-26T06:34:17Z")
and does it get a snake as a sidekick? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/12 "2012-03-26T06:51:43Z")
A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/13 "2012-03-26T07:20:18Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger? Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate? ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/14 "2012-03-26T07:43:34Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference. honey badgers may be small but their loose and thick skin makes them really hard to manhandle/bite, they’ve been known to survive against [killer snakes, lions and leopards](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c81bcjyfn6U) ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/15 "2012-03-26T07:44:51Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > All badgers are ill-tempered. It’s a start. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/16 "2012-03-26T09:44:48Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference. > [@Namkcalb](#): > > honey badgers may be small but their loose and thick skin makes them really hard to manhandle/bite, they’ve been known to survive against [killer snakes, lions and leopards](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c81bcjyfn6U) [spoiler]They’re also badass and don’t give a shit. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/4r7wHMg5Yjg/maxresdefault.jpg "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger (original narration by Randall)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg) I wish all nature shows were narrated like this. [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/17 "2012-03-26T13:41:56Z")
A gorilla would probably retreat from the fight. They COULD win but in all likelihood would elect not to fuck around with the scary, pissed off little animal. Gorillas are good at looking scary as shit but don’t like fighting. A chimp would fuck a badger up. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/18 "2012-03-26T13:52:13Z")
Why is “we all lose” an option when _clearly_ we all win? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/19 "2012-03-26T13:59:23Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger? An Atomic Racing Badger? \*\*Atomic Badger Racing \*\*was hands-down the coolest user name evar. The fact that I remember him as a Doper really dates me… ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/20 "2012-03-26T14:10:27Z")
The badger would win if it was armed with a machine gun, unless the gorilla had a tank. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816.md?page=2)