# Badger vs. Gorilla: Who Wins? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816 "2012-03-26T03:12:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/21 "2012-03-26T14:16:52Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > A gorilla would probably retreat from the fight. They COULD win but in all likelihood would elect not to fuck around with the scary, pissed off little animal. Gorillas are good at looking scary as shit but don’t like fighting. The OP says it’s a standard animal fight situation. That means the two are locked in a steel cage. So unless they both decide not to fight, the gorilla may back away initially, but if the badger attacks, it will soon be a disassembled badger. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/22 "2012-03-26T14:48:17Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > the honey badger will die and the gorilla will be neutered. No way! Honey badger don’t give a shit. Nothing beats a honey badger. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/23 "2012-03-26T15:26:56Z")
You can be a badass and not give a shit and still be dismembered and stomped into the ground by a wild animal ten times your size. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/24 "2012-03-26T15:28:54Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#): > > You can be a badass and not give a shit and still be dismembered and stomped into the ground by a wild animal ten times your size. I refuse to believe it until I see it! Don’t underestimate the mighty honey badger. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/25 "2012-03-26T15:30:36Z")
Yeah I once beat that guy 10 times my size. He towered over me like a giant, and then I kicked him square in the 'nads! Take that, leverage! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/26 "2012-03-26T15:36:07Z")
Badgers? We ain’t got no badgers. We don’t need no badgers! I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badgers! ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/27 "2012-03-26T15:40:50Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Yeah I once beat that guy 10 times my size. He towered over me like a giant, and then I kicked him square in the 'nads! Take that, leverage! hmm, now i’m in doubt - when the honey badger rips the gorilla’s gonads as a souvenir, would the gorilla get angrier and kill the honey badger or would it hug itself and cry? ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/28 "2012-03-26T16:36:04Z")
I’d like to change my answer, as I hadn’t considered that the badger might have a helicopter gunship at his disposal. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/29 "2012-03-26T16:39:25Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Are we talking about an American badger, a European badger, or a honey badger? The gorilla would still win, but at least against a honey badger he’d receive a severe rateling. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/30 "2012-03-26T16:43:23Z")
[Here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8toW3eCN0Vg&feature=related) is a nature documentary that shows what an angry gorilla is capable of. Explain to me how a badger is going to withstand that. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/31 "2012-03-26T16:50:08Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#): > > [Here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8toW3eCN0Vg&feature=related) is a nature documentary that shows what an angry gorilla is capable of. Explain to me how a badger is going to withstand that. Case closed. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/32 "2012-03-26T16:53:41Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#): > > [Here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8toW3eCN0Vg&feature=related) is a nature documentary that shows what an angry gorilla is capable of. Explain to me how a badger is going to withstand that. [This is how](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg). ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/33 "2012-03-26T18:33:27Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > A badger or a honeybadger? It makes a difference. I don’t give a shit which. > [@Mangetout](#): > > Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate? I’m not sure, but isn’t what makes the honey badger so great is that it’s chief weapon is fear? Their one and only weapon is fear. And surprise. Their two weapons are fear and surprise… and a jaunty coat. Three. > [@RickJay](#): > > A gorilla would probably retreat from the fight. They COULD win but in all likelihood would elect not to fuck around with the scary, pissed off little animal. Gorillas are good at looking scary as shit but don’t like fighting. > > A chimp would fuck a badger up. The chimp would be at a distinct advantage if it can figure out a) where the badger stores its testicles and b) how best to bite them off. Gorillas are (relatively and comparatively) docile for their size. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/34 "2012-03-26T18:37:59Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > A chimp would fuck a badger up. Whereas a bonobo would simply fuck a badger. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/35 "2012-03-26T18:43:55Z")
Gorilla, without working up a sweat. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/36 "2012-03-26T23:23:58Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > No way! Honey badger don’t give a shit. Nothing beats a honey badger. Ever. Nothing beats a honey badger… but that doesn’t mean that nothing can rip their limbs off ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/37 "2012-03-27T20:18:10Z")
The honey badger is the Chuck Norris of the varmint world. If Chuck Norris can beat a gorilla, the honey badger can too. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/38 "2012-03-27T21:03:38Z")
The gorilla would just sign “we are related to each other. Humans are descended from apes,” and Chuck’s head would explode. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/39 "2012-03-27T21:23:24Z")
Does the badger have AIDS? ---
**Author:** ![Shawn1767](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shawn1767](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shawn1767)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816/40 "2012-03-27T22:12:22Z")
The Badger… if he’s prepared. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/badger-vs-gorilla-who-wins/616816.md?page=3)