# Baker’s Dozen III **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [August 22, 2022, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093 "2022-08-22T15:39:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 290
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5781 "2024-08-26T02:50:15Z")
**How do you solve a problem like Maria?** 1. Frame her for embezzlement and have her sent to prison 2. Marry her off to a wealthy landowner with several kids 3. Write her a big fat check and classify it as a business expense 4. Write a song about her Wall Street reporting then (presumably) roll over in your grave when she becomes a Fox News shill. 5. Have David Pecker buy her story then bury it. 6. Hire her out as a governess and let her new employer deal with the problem. 7. Take her to a mountaintop and have her spin until she loses all sense of direction. 8. The cement bath, a la Lips Manliss 9. Let her sing and spin on a mountaintop, sure, but arrange for the helicopter overhead to come just a _bit_ too low with its razor-sharp blades 10. Outlaw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woollen mittens, cream-colored ponies, crisp apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells, and schnitzel with noodles. 11. Convince Ray A. Dropofgoldensun that she means to kill him, and he’d better not give her the chance 12. Have her, her husband, and children cross a mountain to get away from the Nazis, only to end up right at Hitler’s summer home (which is what would actually have happened, geographically speaking) ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5782 "2024-08-26T06:12:21Z")
> [@Bicycle\_Bill](#): > > 1. Hire her out as a governess and let her new employer deal with the problem. After some inner dialogue, I decided that my offering was too similar to the Professor’s earlier submission… > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > 1. Marry her off to a wealthy landowner with several kids so I have replaced it as shown below — **How do you solve a problem like Maria?** 1. Frame her for embezzlement and have her sent to prison 2. Marry her off to a wealthy landowner with several kids 3. Write her a big fat check and classify it as a business expense 4. Write a song about her Wall Street reporting then (presumably) roll over in your grave when she becomes a Fox News shill. 5. Have David Pecker buy her story then bury it. 6. Have her climb every mountain. That ought to take the spunk out of her. 7. Take her to a mountaintop and have her spin until she loses all sense of direction. 8. The cement bath, a la Lips Manliss 9. Let her sing and spin on a mountaintop, sure, but arrange for the helicopter overhead to come just a _bit_ too low with its razor-sharp blades 10. Outlaw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woollen mittens, cream-colored ponies, crisp apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells, and schnitzel with noodles. 11. Convince Ray A. Dropofgoldensun that she means to kill him, and he’d better not give her the chance 12. Have her, her husband, and children cross a mountain to get away from the Nazis, only to end up right at Hitler’s summer home (which is what would actually have happened, geographically speaking) _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5783 "2024-08-26T07:00:18Z")
**How do you solve a problem like Maria?** 1. Frame her for embezzlement and have her sent to prison 2. Marry her off to a wealthy landowner with several kids 3. Write her a big fat check and classify it as a business expense 4. Write a song about her Wall Street reporting then (presumably) roll over in your grave when she becomes a Fox News shill. 5. Have David Pecker buy her story then bury it. 6. Have her climb every mountain. That ought to take the spunk out of her. 7. Take her to a mountaintop and have her spin until she loses all sense of direction. 8. The cement bath, a la Lips Manliss 9. Let her sing and spin on a mountaintop, sure, but arrange for the helicopter overhead to come just a _bit_ too low with its razor-sharp blades 10. Outlaw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woollen mittens, cream-colored ponies, crisp apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells, and schnitzel with noodles. 11. Convince Ray A. Dropofgoldensun that she means to kill him, and he’d better not give her the chance 12. Have her, her husband, and children cross a mountain to get away from the Nazis, only to end up right at Hitler’s summer home (which is what would actually have happened, geographically speaking) 13. Put her in a white dress with a blue satin sash. A long-ago girlfriend was forced to wear such an outfit once at a family function. She looked just fine to me, but she absolutely hated it. Pass. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5784 "2024-08-26T12:57:41Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > **How do you solve a problem like Maria?** > > 1. Outlaw raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, warm woollen mittens, cream-colored ponies, crisp apple strudels, doorbells, sleigh bells, and schnitzel with noodles. But those are a few of my favorite things! **Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5785 "2024-08-26T13:01:07Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5786 "2024-08-26T14:10:28Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5787 "2024-08-26T14:14:59Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5788 "2024-08-26T14:20:30Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale Also known as the Orca, it’s actually not a whale, but a dolphin. But it is at the top of the marine food chain, living on a varied diet of fish, whales, and, yes, other dolphins. ---
**Author:** ![Jegpeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jegpeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jegpeg)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5789 "2024-08-26T14:23:26Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5790 "2024-08-26T14:28:30Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly 7. Stink bug ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5791 "2024-08-26T14:29:10Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly 7. Stink bug 8. Grasshopper ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5792 "2024-08-26T14:50:06Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly 7. Stink bug 8. Grasshopper 9. Roadrunner ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5793 "2024-08-26T15:05:44Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly 7. Stink bug 8. Grasshopper 9. Roadrunner 10. Oystercatcher ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5794 "2024-08-26T16:58:56Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly 7. Stink bug 8. Grasshopper 9. Roadrunner 10. Oystercatcher 11. Laughing hyena ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5795 "2024-08-26T18:42:50Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly 7. Stink bug 8. Grasshopper 9. Roadrunner 10. Oystercatcher 11. Laughing hyena 12. Nightcrawler ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5796 "2024-08-27T01:22:58Z")
**Animals whose names tell us what they do.** 1. Woodpecker 2. Anteater 3. Flycatcher 4. Rattlesnake 5. Killer Whale 6. Fly 7. Stink bug 8. Grasshopper 9. Roadrunner 10. Oystercatcher 11. Laughing hyena 12. Nightcrawler 13. Bed bugs They live in your bed. New category: **Animal names that are kinda dirty** 1. Cockroach ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5797 "2024-08-27T01:38:43Z")
**Animal names that are kinda dirty** 1. Cockroach 2. Titmouse ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5798 "2024-08-27T01:49:52Z")
**Animal names that are kinda dirty** 1. Cockroach 2. Titmouse 3. Dickcissel A small seed-eating bird ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5799 "2024-08-27T01:53:47Z")
**Animal names that are kinda dirty** 1. Cockroach 2. Titmouse 3. Dickcissel 4. Pussycat ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093/5800 "2024-08-27T01:58:47Z")
**Animal names that are kinda dirty** 1. Cockroach 2. Titmouse 3. Dickcissel 4. Pussycat 5. Wood_pecker_ _ **-“BB”-** _ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093.md?page=289) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/baker-s-dozen-iii/970093.md?page=291)