# Bakers Dozen **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173 "2010-08-04T17:56:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1038
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20744 "2013-11-07T03:31:23Z")
Gorgeous Hubble Pics ([hubblesite.org/gallery/album](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album)) 1. [Sombrero Galaxy](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/galaxy/pr2003028a/) 2. [Rings around Uranus](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-2004-05-a-full_jpg.jpg) 3. [Cat’s Eye Nebula](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-1995-01-a-full_jpg.jpg) 4. [The Butterfly Nebula (NGC 6302)](http://media.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/photos/images/sept09/hubble_sm/hubble_newold01.jpg) 5. [Saturn’s polar aurora](http://www.windows2universe.org/saturn/magnetosphere/saturn_aurora_hubble_28_jan_2004_med.jpg) 6. [V838 Monocerotis](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/star/pr2004010f/large_web/) 7. [Carina Nebula](http://spaceinimages.esa.int/var/esa/storage/images/esa_multimedia/images/2010/04/hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_carina_nebula/9994172-2-eng-GB/Hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_Carina_Nebula.jpg) 8. [Spiral Galaxy M100](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1994002c/) 9. [Supernova 1994D in Galaxy NGC 4526](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1999019i/web/) ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20745 "2013-11-07T03:54:21Z")
Gorgeous Hubble Pics ([hubblesite.org/gallery/album](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album)) 1. [Sombrero Galaxy](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/galaxy/pr2003028a/) 2. [Rings around Uranus](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-2004-05-a-full_jpg.jpg) 3. [Cat’s Eye Nebula](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-1995-01-a-full_jpg.jpg) 4. [The Butterfly Nebula (NGC 6302)](http://media.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/photos/images/sept09/hubble_sm/hubble_newold01.jpg) 5. [Saturn’s polar aurora](http://www.windows2universe.org/saturn/magnetosphere/saturn_aurora_hubble_28_jan_2004_med.jpg) 6. [V838 Monocerotis](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/star/pr2004010f/large_web/) 7. [Carina Nebula](http://spaceinimages.esa.int/var/esa/storage/images/esa_multimedia/images/2010/04/hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_carina_nebula/9994172-2-eng-GB/Hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_Carina_Nebula.jpg) 8. [Spiral Galaxy M100](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1994002c/) 9. [Supernova 1994D in Galaxy NGC 4526](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1999019i/web/) [/QUOTE] 10. [Hubble Deep Field](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/hubble_ultra_deep_field/pr2012037a/large_web/) ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20746 "2013-11-07T05:32:20Z")
Gorgeous Hubble Pics ([hubblesite.org/gallery/album](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album)) 1. [Sombrero Galaxy](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/galaxy/pr2003028a/) 2. [Rings around Uranus](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-2004-05-a-full_jpg.jpg) 3. [Cat’s Eye Nebula](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-1995-01-a-full_jpg.jpg) 4. [The Butterfly Nebula (NGC 6302)](http://media.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/photos/images/sept09/hubble_sm/hubble_newold01.jpg) 5. [Saturn’s polar aurora](http://www.windows2universe.org/saturn/magnetosphere/saturn_aurora_hubble_28_jan_2004_med.jpg) 6. [V838 Monocerotis](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/star/pr2004010f/large_web/) 7. [Carina Nebula](http://spaceinimages.esa.int/var/esa/storage/images/esa_multimedia/images/2010/04/hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_carina_nebula/9994172-2-eng-GB/Hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_Carina_Nebula.jpg) 8. [Spiral Galaxy M100](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1994002c/) 9. [Supernova 1994D in Galaxy NGC 4526](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1999019i/web/) 10. [Hubble Deep Field](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/hubble_ultra_deep_field/pr2012037a/large_web/) 11. [The Comet Ison](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire/pr2013042a/from/show/) ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20747 "2013-11-07T15:11:11Z")
Gorgeous Hubble Pics ([hubblesite.org/gallery/album](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album)) 1. [Sombrero Galaxy](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/galaxy/pr2003028a/) 2. [Rings around Uranus](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-2004-05-a-full_jpg.jpg) 3. [Cat’s Eye Nebula](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-1995-01-a-full_jpg.jpg) 4. [The Butterfly Nebula (NGC 6302)](http://media.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/photos/images/sept09/hubble_sm/hubble_newold01.jpg) 5. [Saturn’s polar aurora](http://www.windows2universe.org/saturn/magnetosphere/saturn_aurora_hubble_28_jan_2004_med.jpg) 6. [V838 Monocerotis](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/star/pr2004010f/large_web/) 7. [Carina Nebula](http://spaceinimages.esa.int/var/esa/storage/images/esa_multimedia/images/2010/04/hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_carina_nebula/9994172-2-eng-GB/Hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_Carina_Nebula.jpg) 8. [Spiral Galaxy M100](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1994002c/) 9. [Supernova 1994D in Galaxy NGC 4526](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1999019i/web/) 10. [Hubble Deep Field](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/hubble_ultra_deep_field/pr2012037a/large_web/) 11. [The Comet Ison](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire/pr2013042a/from/show/) 12. [Exploding star](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire/pr2007010a/large_web/from/show/) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20748 "2013-11-08T08:01:04Z")
Gorgeous Hubble Pics ([hubblesite.org/gallery/album](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album)) 1. [Sombrero Galaxy](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/galaxy/pr2003028a/) 2. [Rings around Uranus](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-2004-05-a-full_jpg.jpg) 3. [Cat’s Eye Nebula](http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/images/hs-1995-01-a-full_jpg.jpg) 4. [The Butterfly Nebula (NGC 6302)](http://media.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/photos/images/sept09/hubble_sm/hubble_newold01.jpg) 5. [Saturn’s polar aurora](http://www.windows2universe.org/saturn/magnetosphere/saturn_aurora_hubble_28_jan_2004_med.jpg) 6. [V838 Monocerotis](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/star/pr2004010f/large_web/) 7. [Carina Nebula](http://spaceinimages.esa.int/var/esa/storage/images/esa_multimedia/images/2010/04/hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_carina_nebula/9994172-2-eng-GB/Hubble_captures_spectacular_landscape_in_the_Carina_Nebula.jpg) 8. [Spiral Galaxy M100](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1994002c/) 9. [Supernova 1994D in Galaxy NGC 4526](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr1999019i/web/) 10. [Hubble Deep Field](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/hubble_ultra_deep_field/pr2012037a/large_web/) 11. [The Comet Ison](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire/pr2013042a/from/show/) 12. [Exploding star](http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/entire/pr2007010a/large_web/from/show/) 13. [Twin Galaxies](http://weblogs.marylandweather.com/Hubble.galaxies.jpg) Next Up: “Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch _60 Minutes_ did for her twice consume an hour. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20749 "2013-11-08T08:07:14Z")
Addendum to above: Next Up: “Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20750 "2013-11-08T12:58:32Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20751 "2013-11-08T13:42:53Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20752 "2013-11-08T14:14:34Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20753 "2013-11-08T14:25:56Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR _in the style of the famous author of your choosing_ 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20754 "2013-11-08T16:31:20Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR _in the style of the famous author of your choosing_ 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20755 "2013-11-08T17:02:51Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR _in the style of the famous author of your choosing_ 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. 7. In circumference so great is thy mother that when she did leap upwards into the air she did there lodge and not return. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20756 "2013-11-08T17:10:04Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR _in the style of the famous author of your choosing_ 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. 7. In circumference so great is thy mother that when she did leap upwards into the air she did there lodge and not return. 8. I never thought I’d be posting a letter like this. But when I went over to your house last week, you weren’t home but yo mama was. I’ve always found yo mama to be an attractive woman for her age and I’ve often suspected she could be real “friendly” in the right situation. So when she invited me in to wait for you, I was happy to do so. The next thing I know, I found myself (edited to meet board standards) Needless to say, this won’t be the last time I stop by to “visit” yo mama. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20757 "2013-11-08T17:33:19Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. 7. In circumference so great is thy mother that when she did leap upwards into the air she did there lodge and not return. 8. I never thought I’d be posting a letter like this. But when I went over to your house last week, you weren’t home but yo mama was. I’ve always found yo mama to be an attractive woman for her age and I’ve often suspected she could be real “friendly” in the right situation. So when she invited me in to wait for you, I was happy to do so. The next thing I know, I found myself (edited to meet board standards) Needless to say, this won’t be the last time I stop by to “visit” yo mama. 9. “Come, come, Watson, it’s so simple a schoolchild could see it. The knife cuts have are very close together, indicating a practiced cook. The blood has been thoroughly cleaned away, indicating a compulsion for tidiness. The few paper shards indicate the killer frequently cuts articles out of the newspaper. All of these clues and more lead to one elementary proposition: Watson, the killer is your mother!” ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20758 "2013-11-08T18:06:16Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. 7. In circumference so great is thy mother that when she did leap upwards into the air she did there lodge and not return. 8. I never thought I’d be posting a letter like this. But when I went over to your house last week, you weren’t home but yo mama was. I’ve always found yo mama to be an attractive woman for her age and I’ve often suspected she could be real “friendly” in the right situation. So when she invited me in to wait for you, I was happy to do so. The next thing I know, I found myself (edited to meet board standards) Needless to say, this won’t be the last time I stop by to “visit” yo mama. 9. “Come, come, Watson, it’s so simple a schoolchild could see it. The knife cuts have are very close together, indicating a practiced cook. The blood has been thoroughly cleaned away, indicating a compulsion for tidiness. The few paper shards indicate the killer frequently cuts articles out of the newspaper. All of these clues and more lead to one elementary proposition: Watson, the killer is your mother!” 10. “Are you speaking of my mother again, Jeeves?” said Bertie. “Begging pardon, sir, but when your mother takes her afternoon repose, she tends to circumscribe the entire residence.” Bertie furrowed his brow, but then said “There is something to that, isn’t there, Jeeves.” “Indeed, sir.” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20759 "2013-11-08T18:06:45Z")
nm… ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2013, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20760 "2013-11-08T19:17:55Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. 7. In circumference so great is thy mother that when she did leap upwards into the air she did there lodge and not return. 8. I never thought I’d be posting a letter like this. But when I went over to your house last week, you weren’t home but yo mama was. I’ve always found yo mama to be an attractive woman for her age and I’ve often suspected she could be real “friendly” in the right situation. So when she invited me in to wait for you, I was happy to do so. The next thing I know, I found myself (edited to meet board standards) Needless to say, this won’t be the last time I stop by to “visit” yo mama. 9. “Come, come, Watson, it’s so simple a schoolchild could see it. The knife cuts have are very close together, indicating a practiced cook. The blood has been thoroughly cleaned away, indicating a compulsion for tidiness. The few paper shards indicate the killer frequently cuts articles out of the newspaper. All of these clues and more lead to one elementary proposition: Watson, the killer is your mother!” 10. “Are you speaking of my mother again, Jeeves?” said Bertie. “Begging pardon, sir, but when your mother takes her afternoon repose, she tends to circumscribe the entire residence.” Bertie furrowed his brow, but then said “There is something to that, isn’t there, Jeeves.” “Indeed, sir.” 11. Sirrah, the antiquity of she who bore you be such that unto Moses of Scripture is she still three ducats indebted, and upon the frontispiece of her high school annual finds one the signatures of the Prophets. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20761 "2013-11-11T16:38:08Z")
“Your Mama” Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. 7. In circumference so great is thy mother that when she did leap upwards into the air she did there lodge and not return. 8. I never thought I’d be posting a letter like this. But when I went over to your house last week, you weren’t home but yo mama was. I’ve always found yo mama to be an attractive woman for her age and I’ve often suspected she could be real “friendly” in the right situation. So when she invited me in to wait for you, I was happy to do so. The next thing I know, I found myself (edited to meet board standards) Needless to say, this won’t be the last time I stop by to “visit” yo mama. 9. “Come, come, Watson, it’s so simple a schoolchild could see it. The knife cuts have are very close together, indicating a practiced cook. The blood has been thoroughly cleaned away, indicating a compulsion for tidiness. The few paper shards indicate the killer frequently cuts articles out of the newspaper. All of these clues and more lead to one elementary proposition: Watson, the killer is your mother!” 10. “Are you speaking of my mother again, Jeeves?” said Bertie. “Begging pardon, sir, but when your mother takes her afternoon repose, she tends to circumscribe the entire residence.” Bertie furrowed his brow, but then said “There is something to that, isn’t there, Jeeves.” “Indeed, sir.” 11. Sirrah, the antiquity of she who bore you be such that unto Moses of Scripture is she still three ducats indebted, and upon the frontispiece of her high school annual finds one the signatures of the Prophets. 12. “Her antiquity in preceding and surviving succeeding tellurian generations: her nocturnal predominance: her satellitic dependence: her luminary reflection: her constancy under all her phases, rising and setting by her appointed times, waxing and waning: the forced invariability of her aspect: her indeterminate response to inaffirmative interrogation: her potency over effluent and refluent waters: her power to enamour, to mortify, to invest with beauty, to render insane, to incite to and aid delinquency: the tranquil inscrutability of her visage: the terribility of her isolated dominant resplendent propinquity: her omens of tempest and of calm: the stimulation of her light, her motion and her presence: the admonition of her craters, her arid seas, her silence: her splendour, when visible: her attraction, when invisible and her big fat butt.” ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2013, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20762 "2013-11-11T22:49:23Z")
Sorry to interrupt. Just want to say that this is one of the funniest things I’ve read (with special thanks to #s 3 and 10). Well played everyone. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2013, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/20763 "2013-11-12T03:59:17Z")
Your Mama" Jokes… in the style of William Shakespeare OR in the style of the famous author of your choosing 1. So stupid is thy mother that to watch 60 Minutes did for her twice consume an hour. 2. Thy distaff parent is so lacking in natural beauty that they had to affix a beefsteak with cord 'bout her neck that Fido might frolic with her in play. 3. “I was considering 'pon the subject of thy mother and it occurred to me how she was like unto a bowling ball.” “How so, knave?” “Firstly, that she is in shape, round. Secondly, that she is in mass, heavy. Finally, that she is in manner, readily to be found with three fingers thrust within her.” 4. “Truly have I heard it said, fool, that thy mater is wont to swim after galleons bearing Her Gracious Majestie’s soldiers anon to Flanders.” 5. Yo’ mama is so fat She sat upon the cat And now the cat is flat And cannot wear his hat 6. “Have you seen my mom?” she asks me. “She was due home from her Weight Watchers meeting hours ago,” she says. The three variations of making soap from fat are the ‘cold process’, wherein the reaction takes place substantially at room temperature, the ‘semiboiled’ or ‘hot process’, wherein the reaction takes place near the boiling point, and the ‘fully boiled process’, wherein the reactants are boiled at least once and the glycerol is recovered. “You know those ‘yo mamma’ jokes?” I ask. “I have a new one: yo mamma’s so fat that if you made her into soap, you could wash China.” “That’s not funny,” she says. I decide not to give her the bar of Livonia’s Lavender Cachet in my bag. 7. In circumference so great is thy mother that when she did leap upwards into the air she did there lodge and not return. 8. I never thought I’d be posting a letter like this. But when I went over to your house last week, you weren’t home but yo mama was. I’ve always found yo mama to be an attractive woman for her age and I’ve often suspected she could be real “friendly” in the right situation. So when she invited me in to wait for you, I was happy to do so. The next thing I know, I found myself (edited to meet board standards) Needless to say, this won’t be the last time I stop by to “visit” yo mama. 9. “Come, come, Watson, it’s so simple a schoolchild could see it. The knife cuts have are very close together, indicating a practiced cook. The blood has been thoroughly cleaned away, indicating a compulsion for tidiness. The few paper shards indicate the killer frequently cuts articles out of the newspaper. All of these clues and more lead to one elementary proposition: Watson, the killer is your mother!” 10. “Are you speaking of my mother again, Jeeves?” said Bertie. “Begging pardon, sir, but when your mother takes her afternoon repose, she tends to circumscribe the entire residence.” Bertie furrowed his brow, but then said “There is something to that, isn’t there, Jeeves.” “Indeed, sir.” 11. Sirrah, the antiquity of she who bore you be such that unto Moses of Scripture is she still three ducats indebted, and upon the frontispiece of her high school annual finds one the signatures of the Prophets. 12. “Her antiquity in preceding and surviving succeeding tellurian generations: her nocturnal predominance: her satellitic dependence: her luminary reflection: her constancy under all her phases, rising and setting by her appointed times, waxing and waning: the forced invariability of her aspect: her indeterminate response to inaffirmative interrogation: her potency over effluent and refluent waters: her power to enamour, to mortify, to invest with beauty, to render insane, to incite to and aid delinquency: the tranquil inscrutability of her visage: the terribility of her isolated dominant resplendent propinquity: her omens of tempest and of calm: the stimulation of her light, her motion and her presence: the admonition of her craters, her arid seas, her silence: her splendour, when visible: her attraction, when invisible and her big fat butt.” 13. Once, upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a jokebook filled with ‘Mama’ jests both rare and fine. One old volume or another said “At Mickey D’s, my brother, Your old, chunky, lard-ass mother did elect to stop and dine. And they had to change the sign.” New topic: Thanksgiving parade balloons you’d like to see: 1. Alfred E. Neuman [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=1037) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=1039)