# Bakers Dozen

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173>\
**Category:** Thread Games\
**Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173 "2010-08-04T17:56:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1175

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23484 "2014-03-08T18:33:09Z")

</div>

Famous living authors

1. Jonathan Franzen
2. Tim Powers
3. Lois McMaster Bujold
4. Stephen King
5. Peter S. Beagle
6. Tom Stoppard
7. George R.R. Martin
8. Tom Wolfe
9. J.K.Rowling
10. John Grisham
11. P.D. James
12. Neil Gaiman
13. Alice Munro

Next category:

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23485 "2014-03-08T18:33:43Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23486 "2014-03-08T19:03:22Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23487 "2014-03-08T19:54:13Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23488 "2014-03-08T21:46:02Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [March 8, 2014, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23489 "2014-03-08T22:42:01Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23490 "2014-03-09T00:04:42Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”
7. “Sorry, I meant to invade Iceland, my bad.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23491 "2014-03-09T01:22:27Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”
7. “Sorry, I meant to invade Iceland, my bad.”
8. “I hate to cut you off, Barack, but my people just told me President Xi’s on the other line and I obviously have to take his call. I promise I’ll come you back afterwards.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23492 "2014-03-09T02:05:10Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”
7. “Sorry, I meant to invade Iceland, my bad.”
8. “I hate to cut you off, Barack, but my people just told me President Xi’s on the other line and I obviously have to take his call. I promise I’ll come you back afterwards.”
9. “If he starts pounding his shoe on the desk, get the dart gun.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23493 "2014-03-09T02:51:31Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”
7. “Sorry, I meant to invade Iceland, my bad.”
8. “I hate to cut you off, Barack, but my people just told me President Xi’s on the other line and I obviously have to take his call. I promise I’ll come you back afterwards.”
9. “If he starts pounding his shoe on the desk, get the dart gun.”
10. “Yakov Smirnoff has shown up in North Korea to negotiate with Dennis Rodman.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23494 "2014-03-09T15:31:08Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”
7. “Sorry, I meant to invade Iceland, my bad.”
8. “I hate to cut you off, Barack, but my people just told me President Xi’s on the other line and I obviously have to take his call. I promise I’ll come you back afterwards.”
9. “If he starts pounding his shoe on the desk, get the dart gun.”
10. “Yakov Smirnoff has shown up in North Korea to negotiate with Dennis Rodman.”
11. “Will anybody be able to determine that we fired the air-to-air missile at MH370?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23495 "2014-03-09T16:01:35Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”
7. “Sorry, I meant to invade Iceland, my bad.”
8. “I hate to cut you off, Barack, but my people just told me President Xi’s on the other line and I obviously have to take his call. I promise I’ll call you back afterwards.”
9. “If he starts pounding his shoe on the desk, get the dart gun.”
10. “Yakov Smirnoff has shown up in North Korea to negotiate with Dennis Rodman.”
11. “Will anybody be able to determine that we fired the air-to-air missile at MH370?”
12. “I don’t know, I think ‘the Second Crimean War’ has a certain ring to it, don’t you?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23496 "2014-03-09T16:09:21Z")

</div>

> [@buddha\_david](#):
>
> Late night talk show hosts  
> …
> 
> 1. Chevy Chase
> 
> (Have we now?)

Yes. Yes, we have.

Magic was at least funny. Unintentionally funny, but still funny. Chevy… Chevy didn’t want to be there from the start and it showed.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23497 "2014-03-09T16:10:52Z")

</div>

Overheard in the Kremlin recently

1. “Invading the Crimea might at least get people to stop talking about how crappy the Olympic Village was in Sochi.”
2. “Look, comrade, it was hard enough to find heterosexual figure skaters, now you want straight male ballet dancers at the Bolshoi???”
3. “I don’t understand. Every time I ask President Putin why we invaded Ukraine, he just says ‘Cherni Vodi’.”
4. “Check this out, if you add one letter to ‘Crimea’ it becomes an anagram for ‘America’. We’d better snatch it before they do!”
5. “He’s already oiling his chest for the Nobel Peace Prize swimsuit competition. I don’t have the heart to tell him. Or the balls.”
6. “Couldn’t we just find a grizzly bear for him to wrestle or something?”
7. “Sorry, I meant to invade Iceland, my bad.”
8. “I hate to cut you off, Barack, but my people just told me President Xi’s on the other line and I obviously have to take his call. I promise I’ll call you back afterwards.”
9. “If he starts pounding his shoe on the desk, get the dart gun.”
10. “Yakov Smirnoff has shown up in North Korea to negotiate with Dennis Rodman.”
11. “Will anybody be able to determine that we fired the air-to-air missile at MH370?”
12. “I don’t know, I think ‘the Second Crimean War’ has a certain ring to it, don’t you?”
13. “In Ukraine, Russia invades you!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23498 "2014-03-09T16:11:54Z")

</div>

New Topic

Things that are nasty…

1. Snot

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23499 "2014-03-09T16:13:12Z")

</div>

Things that are nasty…

1. Snot
2. Dog poop

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23500 "2014-03-09T16:25:24Z")

</div>

Things that are nasty…

1. Snot
2. Dog poop
3. old barf

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23501 "2014-03-09T16:30:23Z")

</div>

Things that are nasty…

1. Snot
2. Dog poop
3. old barf
4. _new_ barf

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23502 "2014-03-09T16:36:49Z")

</div>

Things that are nasty…

1. Snot
2. Dog poop
3. old barf
4. _new_ barf
5. [Janet Jackson](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nasty_%28song%29) 🙂

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [March 9, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/23503 "2014-03-09T17:08:03Z")

</div>

Things that are nasty…

1. Snot
2. Dog poop
3. old barf
4. new barf
5. Janet Jackson
6. Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts

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