# Bakers Dozen

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173>\
**Category:** Thread Games\
**Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173 "2010-08-04T17:56:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1635

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32684 "2015-01-30T14:01:43Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32685 "2015-01-30T14:53:34Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32686 "2015-01-30T15:08:58Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32687 "2015-01-30T15:10:50Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32688 "2015-01-30T15:12:48Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
10. "You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32689 "2015-01-30T15:22:56Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
10. "You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?
11. “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32690 "2015-01-30T16:44:24Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
10. “You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?”
11. “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”
12. “It’s noon already? I’ll be right there.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32691 "2015-01-30T16:53:45Z")

</div>

Things you never want to hear your lawyer say

1. “I bet you fifty bucks I can get you an acquittal… hmm, no, make that twenty.”
2. “Don’t worry, Life is just a legal term. You’ll be out in thirty or forty years.”
3. “The prosecution’s case looks pretty solid. Don’t worry. No matter what happens, I’ll take care of your wife. I mean, I’ll see that she’s taken care of.”
4. “What are the odds, huh? All three of my ex-wives in the same jury.”
5. “This is the biggest slam dunk since my suit against the creators of the Never Ending Story!”
6. “Oh, I can win your case, no problem! It’s my fee that’ll bankrupt you.”
7. “I’m not disbarred yet. They’ve only threatened to disbar me.”
8. “I’ve argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer”
9. “I’ll be defending you on the charge of…Murder One? Wow! Even if I lose, I’ll be famous!”
10. “You’ve seen ‘Thelma and Louise,’ right?”
11. “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”
12. “It’s noon already? I’ll be right there.”
13. “Trials are made to be won!”

Tony Soprano’s lawyer, in the final episode.

Pass.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32692 "2015-01-30T17:00:41Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32693 "2015-01-30T17:10:05Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![tripthicket](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripthicket/32/297_2.png) [@tripthicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tripthicket)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32694 "2015-01-30T17:15:30Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32695 "2015-01-30T17:21:33Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32696 "2015-01-30T17:21:47Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
5. “Hmm…never seen _this_ before…”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32697 "2015-01-30T17:23:01Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32698 "2015-01-30T17:41:41Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32699 "2015-01-30T18:22:29Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from second the best online medical school in Bolivia.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32700 "2015-01-30T18:41:16Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from second the best online medical school in Bolivia.”
9. “Just out of curiosity, you HAVE signed up to be an organ donor, right?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32701 "2015-01-30T18:48:01Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from second the best online medical school in Bolivia.”
9. “Just out of curiosity, you HAVE signed up to be an organ donor, right?”
10. Oh, that’s interesting…

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32702 "2015-01-30T18:49:09Z")

</div>

> [@Tangent](#):
>
> Ha! I hadn’t noticed. :smack:

Apparently, neither has **LittleNemo**

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\
**Post date:** [January 30, 2015, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/32703 "2015-01-30T19:44:38Z")

</div>

Things You Never Want Your Doctor to Say

1. “Oopsie!”
2. “Ha! Chart’s upside-down!”
3. “Huh. Colonoscope’s stuck again. Third time this week! Don’t worry; I’ll have it loose in an hour or two.”
4. “Hmm…never seen this before…”
5. “Oh, shit. Uh, just wait here a bit…”
6. “Oh, THIS will get me published!”
7. “Why don’t my rich patients ever get this?”
8. “I graduated in the top 2/3 of my class from the second best online medical school in Bolivia.”
9. “Just out of curiosity, you HAVE signed up to be an organ donor, right?”
10. Oh, that’s interesting…
11. “I’m sorry, what’d you say? I wasn’t listening, I’m going through a really messy divorce, IRS is auditing me, being sued for sexual harassment by one former nurse and for malpractice by a former patient, I am really wanting to drink again… oh well, enough of my problems, let’s cut you open.”

[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=1634)

[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173.md?page=1636)