# Bakers Dozen

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173>\
**Category:** Thread Games\
**Created:** [August 4, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173 "2010-08-04T17:56:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1875

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37484 "2015-09-04T18:50:59Z")

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“How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to _share the experience, man_.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37485 "2015-09-04T18:59:50Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37486 "2015-09-04T19:10:32Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”
7. Germans: “One. We are efficient but lack humor.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37487 "2015-09-04T19:56:30Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”
7. Germans: “One. We are efficient but lack humor.”
8. Microsoft execs: “None- we’ll just make darkness the new industry standard.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37488 "2015-09-04T19:58:36Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”
7. Germans: “One. We are efficient but lack humor.”
8. Feminists: “That’s not funny.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37489 "2015-09-04T20:36:07Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”
7. Germans: “One. We are efficient but lack humor.”
8. Feminists: “That’s not funny.”
9. Men: “One. Because a single man will screw anything.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37490 "2015-09-04T20:37:50Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”
7. Germans: “One. We are efficient but lack humor.”
8. Feminists: “That’s not funny.”
9. Microsoft execs: “None- we’ll just make darkness the new industry standard”
10. Men: “One. Because a single man will screw anything.”
11. Programmers: “None- that’s a hardware problem”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37491 "2015-09-04T21:47:39Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”
7. Germans: “One. We are efficient but lack humor.”
8. Feminists: “That’s not funny.”
9. Microsoft execs: “None- we’ll just make darkness the new industry standard”
10. Men: “One. Because a single man will screw anything.”
11. Programmers: “None- that’s a hardware problem”
12. Mice: “Two, but… how did they get _in_ there?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37492 "2015-09-04T21:56:37Z")

</div>

How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb" Jokes

1. Jewish mothers: “None, dahlink, I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
2. Vietnam Vets: “You can’t know! You weren’t there!”
3. Californians: “We don’t screw in light bulbs, we screw in hot tubs.”
4. Women with PMS: “One. IT JUST DOES OK!!!”
5. Oregonians: “Six, one to change the bulb, and five to keep out the Californians who came up to share the experience, man.”
6. Psychiatrists: “One, but it can take years, and the bulb has to really WANT to change.”
7. Germans: “One. We are efficient but lack humor.”
8. Feminists: “That’s not funny.”
9. Microsoft execs: “None- we’ll just make darkness the new industry standard”
10. Men: “One. Because a single man will screw anything.”
11. Programmers: “None- that’s a hardware problem”
12. Mice: “Two, but… how did they get in there?”
13. Austinites: “Five- one to change the bulb and four to gripe about how great Austin USED to be.”

I pass

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37493 "2015-09-04T22:01:26Z")

</div>

We can run it again, there are more than enough out there.

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37494 "2015-09-04T22:11:03Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37495 "2015-09-04T22:32:02Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37496 "2015-09-04T22:42:53Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”
4. Border Collies: “One to change the light bulb, and then it will rewire the house to bring it up to the electrical code.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37497 "2015-09-04T22:44:29Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”  
4.Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Nelson\_Pike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Nelson\_Pike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nelson_Pike)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37498 "2015-09-04T23:26:38Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”  
4.Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
4. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37499 "2015-09-04T23:49:18Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”  
4.Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
4. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.
5. Art Directors: “Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\
**Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37500 "2015-09-05T00:10:17Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”
4. Border Collies: “One to change the light bulb, and then it will rewire the house to bring it up to the electrical code.”
5. Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
6. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.
7. Art Directors: “Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?”
8. Televangelists: “None, they screw in hotel rooms.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37501 "2015-09-05T00:32:33Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”
4. Border Collies: “One to change the light bulb, and then it will rewire the house to bring it up to the electrical code.”
5. Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
6. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.
7. Art Directors: “Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?”
8. Televangelists: “None, they screw in hotel rooms.”
9. People with Parkinson’s Disease: “Just one. But it takes about twenty light bulbs.”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\
**Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37502 "2015-09-05T03:29:43Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”
4. Border Collies: “One to change the light bulb, and then it will rewire the house to bring it up to the electrical code.”
5. Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
6. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.
7. Art Directors: “Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?”
8. Televangelists: “None, they screw in hotel rooms.”
9. People with Parkinson’s Disease: “Just one. But it takes about twenty light bulbs.”
10. Episcopalians: “I’ll have you know my GRANDFATHER donated that light bulb!”

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\
**Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bakers-dozen/549173/37503 "2015-09-05T04:36:37Z")

</div>

More “How Many To Screw in a Light Bulb” Jokes

1. Connecticut WASPs “Two. One to pour the martinis and one to call the houseboy over.”
2. Surrealists: “Two. One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.”
3. Amoebas: “One. No, two! No, four! No, eight! No…”
4. Border Collies: “One to change the light bulb, and then it will rewire the house to bring it up to the electrical code.”
5. Yogis: Two, and a bottle of lube.
6. Blondes: Zero: i.e. it is impossible for even an infinite number of blondes to figure out how to screw in a light bulb.
7. Art Directors: “Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?”
8. Televangelists: “None, they screw in hotel rooms.”
9. People with Parkinson’s Disease: “Just one. But it takes about twenty light bulbs.”
10. Episcopalians: “I’ll have you know my GRANDFATHER donated that light bulb!”
11. Dancers: …ah, 5, 6, 7, 8.

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